Some places don’t require much of the local language, as long as you speak English. Others… do. Wondering where Nagoya is on this spectrum? And where Nagoya is geographically? We can’t necessarily provide either answer, but we have opinions.

Transcript

K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about how much Japanese is enough Japanese. 

C: Like, are you trying to find the minimum? 

K: (laughs) Yes, I am. 

C: Okay.

K: So, like, how much is the minimum in your opinion – the minimum Japanese that you need to be able to speak to function in daily life in Japan?

C: I think it depend son where you’re at. I think Tokyo, it’s none.

K: You think at Tokyo, it’s none?

C: Yea, I think at Tokyo it’s none.

K: Okay, what do you think – so, we live in Nagoya. 

C: Right.

K: Which is, uhh I always get this wrong, but I think I’m going to get it right today – we’re southeast from Tokyo?

C: No, southeast from Tokyo is the ocean. We are west.

K: What are you talking about?

C: We are west of Tokyo. 

K: What are you talking about? Are you saying there is none of – the island of Honshu, which is the big island that we live on in Japan, that is southeast of Tokyo that is not ocean?

C: I think it depends on exactly where you define Tokyo to be, but Tokyo Bay is east of Tokyo. 

K: But south of that. Like, southeast of that.

C: Is ocean.

K: No because you describe us – you describe Honshu as a banana, and we live in the middle of the banana. 

C: So, we live

K: So, that means there’s a part of the island that curves to the right, which would be east. 

C: We live west, southwest of Tokyo.

K: But are – oooh, Googlers get my back because we don’t google things, but I believe that one day there’s going to be a pantheon of Musick Notes that google facts because I am so trying to get the hashtag #KisstopherWasRight. 

C: That’s an interesting word. So, a pantheon. So, our listeners are now gods?

K: Yes. A pantheon of Musick Notes.

C: Okay.

K: I think they’re going to be google gods that listen to us.

C: Are they not going to be an orchestra of Musick Notes? 

K: Oh, that would be better. 

C: So, there could be an orchestrated campaign.

K: Yeah. Okay, I’ll go with orchestra. But, Musick Notes know that I think of you as gods. That’s going to offend a lot of people that haven’t listened to our earlier episodes that don’t know I’m an atheist. (laughs) So, if you’re a Christian listener, and I just blaspheme, and that makes you stop listening, sorry about it. But you should follow us on Twitter. (laughs) I’m just being more and more disrespectful. I need to stop now. I need to stop. Because you’re looking at me like, “stop now.” Chad has this face that he makes whenever he’s like, “oooh. Just stop, Kisstopher. Just stop.” Now you’re just going to be silent?

C: I’m just seeing what more is going to be drawn out.

K: Drawn out from what?

C: From the silence.

K: What silence?

C: What more will emerge when I’m silent?

K: What are you talking about?

C: I’m just talking about if I don’t say anything, then you do. You fill the air. 

K: (laughs) 

C: With your words.

K: (laughs)

C: In English.

K: So, no, legit – if you are a person of faith, and we ever offend you, I apologize. I’m not trying to come for anybody’s faith. I completely respect everybody’s right to believe what they believe, and I just ask that everybody respects my right to not.

C: Yeah.

K: Yeah.

C: So, one of the things that I believe is that Nagoya is actually west, slightly south, of Tokyo.

K: Okay, but do you believe whether or not – and this brings us back to I think that we’re going to have google gods as Musick Notes in our Musick Note orchestra that will google it and tell you that hashtag KisstopherWasright. That would be K-W-I-R. Or should it be Kisstopher Is right? Because I’m right in the present tense.

C: K-W-I-R?

K: Kisstopher Was Right. 

(laughter)

K: I’m jacking up my hashtag. I think Kiss, Kisstopher is Right. K-I-S. Hashtag. K-I-S. Ki- no, that’s wrong. It’s R. going on with my dyslexia? It would be K-I-R. Kir. Hashtag Kir. Kisstopher is Right.

C: Yes. That would be the hashtag. 

K: Yeah. So, I love – I love – so I’m going to give a shoutout to Crutches and Spice, if you don’t follow Crutches and Spice on twitter, you are missing out because she is down. Like, her twitter gets down. I absolutely love it.

C: Her at is Imani_Barbarin. It’s not actually crutches and spice. 

K: Okay, but her username is crutches and spice.

C: Yes, her username is crutches and spice. Her at, like ours is @TheMusicks, her at is Imani_Barbarin.

K: Yeah. So, I- I want to say last month or so- there was this thing that came out, and she was like – she was responding to a tweet and quote tweeted something about sorry girl, I forgot your sun sign, please forgive me

C: Ares.

K: Okay, there you go. And said “yup, I’m always right.” And I tweeted back “tell them girl, you’re always right.” And she had the best response to that ever. She said, “I’m not always right. I’m just never wrong.” (laughs) And I love that because I’m like, “yeah, that’s it. It’s not that I’m always right. It’s just that I’m never wrong.” (laughs) Hashtag Tellem. So, anyways, once you all are done googling and you tweet out – now that we have determined what the hashtag should be #KIR Kisstopher is Right. Then that’s all you have to do. Just hashtag @TheMusicks KIR – wait, not hashtag @TheMusicks – tweet @TheMusicks – I’m just screwing up this whole Kisstopher’s Right thing. And Chad is (laughs) looking so self-content. He is looking so pleased right now. Like… you – self-content in the dictionary should be a picture of your face right now.

C: There should be. But they don’t write thousand-word definitions.

K: Oh. My. God. Really? 

C: Yes. Thank you for invoking me.

K: (laughs) So, what’s the freaking hashtag? To prove that I’m right all the time.

C: To prove that you’re right? It would be K-I-R.

K: Okay, there we go. You can tweet @TheMusicks or hit us up on Facebook or just leave a comment, and just, you know, K-I-R Kisstopher is Right. There we have it.

C: Correct.

K: It is out in the world. Now you know how to validate my rightness. (laughs)

C: Yes. 

K: Or you can just spell it out. Kisstopher is Right.

C: So, back to the topic at hand.

K: What was the topic at hand?

C: How much Japanese do you need to get around? 

K: Whatever I say. (laughs) 

C: Exactly.

K: However much Japanese I don’t speak. (laughs)

C: Yeah, and I think the answer in big cities is mostly none. There are certain things that will be a lot more comfortable if you speak Japanese.

K: So, in Nagoya, do you consider Nagoya to be a big city?

C: I do consider Nagoya to be a big city.

K: Like a metropolis?

C: It’s got 8 million people in the Metropolis. 

K: But I don’t think of it like – because my vision of Metropolis is very much that old black and white

C: Okay, but

K: Black and white silent movie called Metropolis.

C: But by your definition, I think only New York and LA in the U.S. qualify.

K: And San Francisco.

C: No, San Francisco is way, way smaller. Way smaller than Nagoya.

K: It’s not a size thing. It’s a vibe thing.

C: Okay.

K: Like, I think Seattle is a metropolis. I think San Francisco. I think Austin, Texas. Like, you know, where people gather, and it’s multicultural, and the vibe is cool, and like

C: See, now multicultural, I don’t know that there’s any place in Japan that’s’ truly multicultural. I think there are areas with a high proportion of non-Japanese people relative to the rest of Japan. 

K: Yeah.

C: But it’s not really truly multicultural. I think you have pockets of – like, pockets of people from Brazil, pockets of people from China. There’s not really that multicultural feel anywhere in Japan at a larger scale than a small neighborhood.

K: I think like Tokyo kind of has that feel for some people.

C: In some of the neighborhoods – like, if you go to Roppongi, there’s a lot of that. Because there are

K: There’s a lot of everything in Roppongi. (laughs)

C: But that’s where the American embassy is, and that’s where a lot of the different embassies are, so you have a lot of foreign workers there.

K: Yeah. But there’s also a lot of foreign workers here.

C: Yes.

K: Yeah. So, I think that – so, for me, the – and there’s also a lot of universities in Nagoya, but it’s like you said. It still is really segregated because I know people from Lao PDR, Vietnam, Thailand, Nepal, like… all over. 

C: Yeah.

K: All over in the subcontinent of India – so, throughout – I know people from throughout Asia, and I know people from throughout Europe. And, so, I don’t – seriously, right now, I can’t think of a country that I haven’t met someone or know someone that knows someone from that country.

C: Right.

K: in Nagoya. So, like, Nagoya is super… cosmopolitan if the groups interacted.

C: Yes.

K: But I feel like none of the groups interact, and none of the groups will – except for a few of the countries – but most of the groups don’t form cliques. Like, the French speakers don’t… except for the Quebecois – there’s a Quebecois group, but the French people from France don’t joint hat group. So, there’s no universal French speakers’ group, and there’s no universal German speakers’ group. 

C: Right.

K: There was that one at the university for a while, but there was only like five of you in the group. There’s way more German speakers than that. 

C: Yeah, so I think things ebb – ebb and grow over time as people

K: Ebb and row? 

C: Grow.

K: Shouldn’t it be ebb and flow?

C: It should be, but I didn’t like that, but I could only think of things that rhymed with flow.

K: (laughs) That was awesome. Okay.

C: It should probably be ebb and rise because of rising tide, but

K: Okay. I can get on board with ebb and rise.

C: So, I think what not speaking Japanese does is it doesn’t prevent you from living your daily life

K: No.

C: But it does prevent you from really joining society at large. And it can limit the activities that you can do to ones where you can find it in English.

K: What are you talking about? Like, why wouldn’t you just click “translate this page”?

C: Well, I think for websites you can do that. But there’s a lot of stuff that goes on that’s not on websites.

K: Okay. Name one thing that you can do because you speak Japanese that you wouldn’t be able to do socially.

C: Well, when you add socially, I don’t know because I’m not a very social person.

K: So, like, you can pay your taxes without speaking Japanese and without writing Japanese.

C: Yes.

K: And you can send mail, and you can do all of this in Nagoya. You can do your banking; you can do everything in English in Nagoya. So, I feel like, for Nagoya, you need zero English.

C: Right.

K: But I feel like in Gifu – I mean, zero Japanese. But I feel like in Gifu – so, I feel like in Aichi, depending on where you are in Aichi – so, In Nagoya I fee like it’s zero Japanese. But super inconvenient.

C: Yes, it is super inconvenient if you speak zero Japanese.

K: Yeah. But I don’t feel like it’s impossible.

C: No.

K: And I find that I’ve been using my Japanese more out of ego than necessity recently. 

C: Mhm.

K: I don’t know why. Just like – maybe because I’ve been studying more.

C: I think because you’ve been studying more. And I think, too, when you know that you can get what you need without I there’s not that pressure of it.

K: Yeah.

C: You can be like, “I think I know this in Japanese, I’m just going to try it, and I know how to get it if I don’t succeed with the Japanese.”

K: Well, and, too, IK find that I’m interacting with more individuals who don’t speak English.

C: Yes.

K: And I’m finding that I don’t like being interpreted. That I like using my own language and my won words, and I get really frustrated.

C: Yes.

K: With being interpreted, especially if they choose a word that has a nuance that I didn’t mean. 

C: Yes.

K: And you can’t – for me, etiquette-wise – you can’t interrupt your interpreter. 

C: Right.

K: Like, once you’ve decided to use an interpreter – for me and my boundaries – I try to respect that person as a professional. And that person as an interpreter. And then I have the added responsibility of co-signing what they’re saying about me, and what they’re saying I’m saying. And, so, I’m find that I’m enjoying that less because I’m understanding nuance more.

C: Like, “wait, wit wait that’s not quite what I meant.”

K: Yeah. And I’m wanting to express my nuance, but I don’t yet have the Japanese. And, so, I’d rather say something that’s blunt and doesn’t express any nuance than have the wrong nuance convey. Does that make sense?

C: It makes sense. And it’s kind of tricky, too, if you don’t know for sure that you’re right.

K: Yeah.

C: And I think other people who are speaking a language that’s not their native tongue will understand this. So, I did my PHD at a Japanese university.

K: Humblebrag.

C: Yeah, humblebrag.

K: Go ahead babe. Fully humblebrag. 

C: So, my

K: At Meidai. At Nagoya University.

C: Yeah. So, my Japanese in terms of math stuff is pretty strong. 

K: Yeah, you do – you have really good academic Japanese. Not as strong as it used to be

C: Not as strong as it used to be.

K: But I think your academic Japanese is really solid.

C: But I was asked to explain my job: what does a data engineer do? 

K: Mmm.

C: So, I tried to explain it in Japanese, and I was

K: Can you explain it in English?

C: See, that’s the thing; I can explain it in English, but not to everybody. 

K: So, ca – so, here’s the thing: I’m your wife.

C: Yes.

K: Explain yourself. What is a data engineer, and what do you – and I’m pointing like two fingers, my index and middle finger pointed over the shoulder with the side-eye.

C: It’s like the Nancy Sinatra bang bang.

K: (laughs) But I’m not trying to shoot you dead. But you know I love that song Bang Bang. And now after the episode – I so want to play it right now. And sing really badly to everyone. Now I’ve just got to do (sings) bang-bang. And that’s it. I’m not doing anymore.

C: Okay. Okay. 

K: But now I can’t get the song out of m y head.

C: You’ll listen to it after the episode.

K: Yeah. And I’m doing like – and I’m winking at you. 

C: Yeah. You’ll talk about it in the take two.

K: Yeah. Totally. So, I’m winking at you going over the shoulder, and I’m saying, “what do you do?” While furrowing my brow. (laughs) Just to pain the image. “What do you do?”

C: A data engineer engineers data.

K: (laughs)

C: To help get data in a form where it’s useful to whoever it is that needs it.

K: What are you even saying? 

C: So, you take

K: Are you saying like all information?

C: Yes, basically.

K: Every bit of information in the known universe, you can put it into a form that’s useful?

C: It would have to be collected, but once it was collected, then I could get it to a form that was more useful than the collected wa- the way it was collected. Not necessarily useful.

K: Okay, are you sorting it and making subcategories?

C: Sometimes.

K: So, let’s say we’re doing, like, shoes. Okay?

C: Right.

K: Because I think most people know shoes. And then there’s Payless shoes, knock-off shoes, name-brand shoes, plus the different stylish shoes like open-toes, closed-toes.

C: Right.

K: And if I give you a file that says “shoes” would you separate out the different categories?

C: It would depend on the purpose. So, I wouldn’t necessarily separate out the different categories. What I would do is I would help whoever was going to be using that for analysis or for making a website or whatever figure out what it was they needed and help get that from the data.

K: And I think that’s the part that you don’t tell people. I feel like that’s the missing part.

C: Mmm.

K: I feel like the most important thing you do is you ask people what they want to achieve with data sets.

C: Yes.

K: And then you help them figure out how best to achieve that, and then you give them a sample of what that would look like. And then once they say yes, they enjoy that sample, then you… do it to – I want to say restify – justify – restify, I don’t know what restify is. Rectify, that we go. Then you rectify the rest of the information or justify or whatever language you want to use

C: I transform it. 

K: There you go. Then you transform all the data into the agreed-upon form once you do some mining and information and conversation. 

C: Yes.

K: So, I feel like I am better at explaining your job than you are.

C: I think you are. So, I tried to explain it in Japanese, and Rasta was with me. And the person was like

K: Our son, who’s bilingual.

C: Yeah. “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

K: Because what you just said before I don’t think was intelligible. In English. I don’t think it’s intelligible.

C: I don’t think so either. So, he tried to explain it, and they still didn’t understand, so I thought “okay, so I’m just not explaining it very well to anybody.” 

K: So, why do you struggle so much to say what it is you do for a living? Because it’s not like a non-disclosure stops you or anything like that.

C: I think it’s just because it changes day to day. So, data engineer is a relatively new title. It’s like, less than five years old as a title that more than a few people have.

K: Oh, as a job?

C: As a job, yeah.

K: So, it’s an emerging field.

C: It’s an emerging field. So, what I do day-to-day differs.

K: Yeah. So, what I loved is that when they were talking, they kept wanting to call you an internet worker. 

C: Yes.

K: And that just immediately – oh my god, if you guys have ever seen the movie Strip Tease – okay, Strip Tease starring Demi Moore and Burt Reynolds. One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life – sorry Demi. Don’t write a book about how much you hate me. That was shady. Anyway, there’s a scene in it that Burt Reynolds is covered from head to toe in Vaseline, and he’s wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. And I just think every second of Burt Reynolds in that movie is freaking hilarious. So, every time – and it offends you to be called an internet worker – every time they were calling you an internet worker, I would just imagine you in that scene 0 which is dead sexy, been trying for years to get you to cover yourself from head to toe in Vaseline just for me to look at because I wouldn’t want to touch you because you’d be sticky and greasy. 

C: Yeah.

K: But I just think that’d be a glorious thing to see.

C: Yeah, and it’s so confusing. That’ snot confusing. It’s confusing why

K: Why they think you’re a cam girl? (laughs)

C: Yeah. And why they’re like, “wouldn’t you rather have a regular job?” 

K: Yeah. (laughs) “Wouldn’t you rather make half of what you’re making to put on a suit, go into an office, and shave your beard?”

C: I’d only have to take a 20 percent pay cut. But, “wouldn’t you rather take a 20 percent pay cut and go work 50 hours in an office

K: And cut off your beard.

C: And shave my beard instead of working from home?

K: And I feel like as soon as they get to cut your beard, I’m like, “whoa whoa whoa.” 

C: Hold up, here. Hold up here.

K: I don’t care about the money thing. We’ll work that out. 

C: Okay.

K: But like

C: Hige o kiru. I understand what Japanese.

K: Yeah, no, that’s not happening. But, again, million bucks USD…. Mmm. Oh, that’s still hard for me. I guess because I don’t believe it will ever happen. 

C: Yeah.

K: But I’m afraid that it might. Because, as we’ve discussed before, you all Musick Notes know I’ve never seen my husband’s chin. And I plan to live my whole life – but oh my gosh.

C: So, please, test her principles.

K: (laughs) He’s saying test my principles because I say for a million dollars I would – like, I don’t think I could handle it even for a million dollars.

C: Yeah. So, let’s find out people. Get this 

K: A million USD. 

C: Yeah.

K: Yeah, it has to be a million United States Dollars. So, something just popped into my head – to grieve me, and I think this is so romantic, and I hope you do it – but I’ll be dead, so I don’t know. I don’t even know if you’ll promise it to me.

C: Okay.

K: When I die, are you going to cry and shave your beard? Now, I want you to cry while you’re shaving it. 

C: No. But I’m going to cut a stripe out of it.

K: (laughs) But will you cry while you cut the stripe out of it?

C: Yes.

K: And will you cut the stripe right underneath your chin?

C: Yes. I will cut the stripe right underneath my chin.

K: Yeah because I feel like it was really grown in on your chin, but not so much on your jawline when we first met?

C: Yeah, it was a little sparse.

K: Yeah.

C: It was there, but it was sparse.

K: Yeah. And really it was nowhere near as far up on your cheeks.

C: Yes.

K: And nowhere near as lush. And sexy. Thick. And plush. And gorgeous. 

C: Yes.

K: Yeah. I don’t have an ASMR voice. Like, I don’t think I could do ASMR. Do you think you could do ASMR?

C: I don’t know. 

K: ASMR voice.

C: Not in Japanese, I couldn’t. 

K: Nihongo de ASMR. No. It’s not working. Because, in Japanese, I think it would have to be at this level because

C: (laughs)

K: Irasshaimase. I think somebody must find that…. That pleasing. Or how did that become the thing if it wasn’t? 

C: Maybe it’s passive aggressive.

K: What do you mean?

C: It’s like

K: “I don’t want you to come here”?

C: Yeah. It’s like the service workers’ rebellion. 

K: So, they’re like “there’s no home for you here, now go away.” 

C: Yeah.

K: Like, we’ll make you flee.

C: There’s no home for you here, irasshaimase. 

K: (laughs) You all should see Chad’s face when I do the voice. He cringes. Physically cringes. When I do it. Like, whole body cringe and shudder.

C: Yes. I do. I have a sensitivity to voices.

K: Yeah. Oh my gosh. So, now you’re – are you trying to trigger me to apologize to all of our autistic listeners?

C: No.

K: No because I think our autistic listeners either don’t find me grating or have a way to cope with how I’m grating.

C: I don’t find you grating.

K: Okay. 

C: I don’t like that voice on anybody.

K: Okay. 

C: I do my best to avoid it, but short bursts of it, I understand this is the price of dealing with the world.

K: I wonder if we should do like, a content-note. You all let us know. Tweet at us if you want me to do a content note for any time I’m going to do a weird voice. I would so do that in our transcripts. I don’t care.

C: Yeah, you would. 

K: So – because I don’t do the transcript. (laughs) I would so have Chad do that in our transcript.

C: Yes.

K: So, Chad or Rasta would put it in our transcript, whoever’s transcribing us. And I’m playing with my hair today. Usually, I’m twitching blankets.

C: No, u

K: What’s my usual noisy thing?

C: The usual noisy thing is being thirsty. 

K: Oh my god. I am so thirsty right now.

C: (laughs) See, there we go.

K: I so want some water. I’m going to die of thirst. But I’m not hungry because we ate right before this podcast.

C: Yes.

K: Yeah. But I am super thirsty.

C: Yeah. Don’t die of thirst.

K: I’m going to have to take a drink now. 

C: Okay. You should take a drink.

K: Could you please entertain our listeners while I drink a beverage?

C: Yes. So, I think that if you’re in the countryside, you have to speak Japanese. You’re just not going to get your needs met.

K: So, what city is countryside to you? I feel like Okazaki

C: There is no city in my mind that is countryside because when you’re in the city, you’re not in the countryside. 

K: What are you saying? That there are no countryside cities?

C: Yes. That is what I’m saying.

K: You’re saying you have to be in a village?

C: I’m saying by definition, if you are in the countryside you are not in the city.

K: So, what’s inaka?

C: Inaka means… the middle of nowhere, basically.

K: Yeah. So, what’s inaka?

C: Inaka is countryside.

K: No. What’s inaka to you in Japan. Where is inaka?

C: Inaka is outside of the cities. So, it’s ba

K: So, where’s inaka?

C: Basically, places that are not served by public transportation. 

K: (laughs) That is such a specific definition. So, if a bus goes there, it can’t be inaka?

C: It could be kind of verging on it, like when we went to Fukui prefecture to the dinosaur museum. 

K: To the where?

C: Dinosaur museum.

K: Dinosaur museum?

C: Yeah. Our very first trip to Japan.

K: Oof. Yes. Sorry. Rasta wanted to go to it, and it was a 90-minute bus ride, and then he couldn’t be bothered when we got there to look at a single thing. 

C: Yeah. They had a display in Kyoto saying, “come to the Fukui prefecture museum” and, not being in Japan, being first-time tourists, we did not know how far away it was. 

K: And they were like, “do you really want to go here?” And I felt offended. I was like, “yes. I really want to go see dinosaurs.”

C: “Yes. I don’t need to understand Japanese to look at the dinosaurs. I don’t care if I can’t read the displays.”

K: Right? I can tell you I want to go her. It means tell me to get here. They’re like, “it’s a train and a bus.” And I’m like, “what? I can ride a bus. Don’t tell me I can’t get on the bus.” And then I flicked my hair at them. “I can ride a train and then a bus.” And they were like, “okay, girl. Go ahead on.” And then it was a train, a bus, and a taxi ride.

C: Yes.

K: It was not worth it. Well, I guess if you’re like a total dino-head, it’s worth it. Because you can see actual dinosaur footprints.

C: I feel like the story has gotten told enough times that it was worth it.

K: Yeah?

C: Yeah. I feel like it wasn’t worth it at the time, but

K: Did we tell this story in the podcast before?

C: Maybe. Yeah, I think at least once. 

K: Really?

C: Yeah, I think the complete thing.

K: Musick Notes let me know: have we told this story before? Are you sick of hearing it? Because I’m not sick of telling it.

C: Well, those are two different questions. 

K: Mmmkay. What?

C: “Have you heard it before” and “are you sick of hearing it?” Because they might have heard it before

K: I feel like new layers are developed every time.

C: Yes.

K: I reveal just

C: Like the layers of an onion. Yes.

K: Like the layers of an onion is from that paper. You’re mixing stories, babe. Stay on topic. We’re talking about how much Japanese is necessary. So, there, I totally went there, functioned, and all we had was a little guidebook that had Japanese phrases in it.

C: Yeah.

K: And, so, I felt like I just needed three or four set phrases.

C: I think it – it depends

K: We had a blast in Korea, and all I knew how to say was “gamsahamnida”

C: Yup. So, I think that how much of a foreign language you need to speak when you go somewhere depends on how many of your needs you need met.

K: Mhm.

C: Like, if all you need is food, you don’t have to speak any of a language because you can just point. 

K: Well, in Japan, you can just point because there’s pictures, and there’s plastic models, and I have asked somebody to come outside – when we first came – I have asked somebody “come with me so I can point to the model of what I want.” (laughs)

C: Yes.

K: Because they have a model of everything on the menu. I guess not everything on the menu, but enough where you can decide whether or not you want to eat at that restaurant. There’s a plastic model.

C: But when we went to Korea, we just did the same thing. We just pointed at stuff. We were like, “we want that.”

K: Yeah.

C: So, I feel like most places, you can point or pick up or whatever, food.

K: If there’s pictures.

C: Yeah. So, if there’s not pictures at restaurants, you’re going to have a tougher time. But you could probably find a grocery store or someplace that you can just pick up the food and hold it out like, people will figure out you want to buy it and you’re not just displaying it for their pleasure.

K: (laughs) 

C: You could put the food in one hand, money in the other.

K: I remember our first time in Japan. Like, Japan is a really awesome country. I remember the first time in Japan, just like opening my wallet and pointing it at them like, “I can’t deal with these numbers.” Because I can’t understand it. I had never – in the United States, I worked at a bank, and I had never held a ten-thousand-dollar bill.

C: Yeah.

K: Like… what are you saying? What… ten thousand? What? 

C: Okay.

K: That’s just such a large number for me as an American.

C: Yeah.

K: And being like…. So, a hundred and fifty yen, so it’s a hundred and fifty for a bottle of water? How much is that?

C: Mhm.

K: Is that a lot of money for water? And then you were like, “no, it’s only a hundred and ten.” I’m like, “a hundred and ten pennies?” 

C: Basically, yes.

K: And then you didn’t like the fact I would just put two fingers over zeroes to figure out money.

C: I didn’t have a problem with it for small amounts, but I felt like for big amounts, it was irresponsible.

K: Okay. So, for ten thousand yen -0 because I feel like being able to say money in Japanese is super helpful.

C: It is super helpful. And I 

K: I feel like money Ja- so, there’s counters. Different counters. I think knowing the difference between ban, ko, and mai. So… ban is “ichiban” is for “one bottle.” And then “ko” is for small, round things. And mai is for flat, paper things. But I feel just the general counters are more beneficial.

C: I feel like that, too.

K: Like, itsu, futatsu, mitsu, yotsu, those are more helpful. The – I think of them as the “tsu” counters, but they’re the general counters.

C: That’s what they’re called.

K: They’re called the “tsu counters”?

C: Yup.

K: Okay. So, I find just knowing the general counters and not getting into the specifics because if you go in , and you order a bottle of whisky instead of a shot of whiskey, you’re going to end up buying an entire whiskey bottle if you use the counter for tall, cylindrical things. 

C: Yes.

K: And… yeah. So, I feel like knowing the individual counters, unless you master them – like, don’t mess around with them, and just stick to the general, basic counters.

C: Well, something I found interesting is if I go to the store, let’s say, and I want to buy a piece of chicken.

K: Yeah.

C: Which chicken is flat, so you use the “mai” counter. 

K: Yeah.

C: If I say, “ichi mai”, they’ll say “hitotsu.” 

K: Yeah.

C: Which, they both mean one. 

K: Yes.

C: Now, if I say, “hitotsu” which is one, then they’ll say, “ichi mai.”

K: Yes. Which is confusing as heck until you know. Because I was pissed for years – I’m like, “why are they correcting me?”

C: “Why are they always correcting me? No matter what I say, they’re correcting me.” Yeah.

(laughter)

C: Until you find out that, okay, they’re actually confirming because when they do these – like, linguistics studies…. Seventy percent of spoken Japanese, people get confused who are Japanese natives because there are so many homophones.

K: Yeah.

C: So, the polite thing to do is if somebody says something to you, and you’re not sure you heard them correctly, you say it back using alternative vocabulary.

K: Yeah.

C: So, if you say, like, that you want three of something, and you use the “tsu” counter, then they’ll say it back to you with the regular counter.

K: Yeah. With whatever the counter is of that thing. So, I find that… how much Japanese is necessary is so situational.

C: That’s what I was saying about I think it depends on which needs you need met. 

K: Yeah. So, if you want to go out – like, I think it’s helpful to know what a nomihogai is. I think that Japanese phrase is helpful to know. Like, it’s an all you can drink… low, watered down, cheap alcohol for like an hour. You go in, you pay a certain amount, and they happen at an izazakaya which is a dive bar – in my mind – but there are some really nice ones. But in my mind, it’s usually like… food on a stick and booze.

C: I feel like so much of Japanese in particular is cultural. 

K: Yeah.

C: Because an izakaya – like, often it’s translated as a bar. But because of a national law, there are

K: You have to serve food.

C: You have to serve food unless – there’s certain exceptions for hotels and things, but they still have to serve food at the bar.

K: Yeah, they do.

C: It’s just less complicated food.

K: Yeah. And I really love food on a stick.

C: Yeah. Me too.

K: So, I find an – I call them izazakayas. But what’s the proper pronunciation?

C: You have too many “za”s in there. It’s just izakaya.

K: Izaka?

C: Izakaya.

K: Izakaya. 

C: Yeah.

K: So, there’s a park near our house that I’ve been calling the Tokagawa Art Museum for years, and I just found out it’s Tokugawa.

C: Yes.

K: And, so, my dyslexia has me change things weird in Japanese. So, people who know me know what I’m talking about, but I feel like only one – like, for years I’ve been recommending this park, and only one client has ever gone. 

C: Mhm.

K: And nobody has ever even searched it. Because they were like, “hey, I searched this, and it didn’t come up.” And I sent them back the correct thing, and then I noticed it. So, I feel like hey…. And they were like, “it was amazing to go during the changing of the leaves because it was lit up at night. That was awesome. Thank you for hooking me up on the illumination.” So, all you all that didn’t go, you all missed out.

C: Right?

K: Soo, make sure you go this winter. Like, you know. Don’t let my mispronunciation stop you. So, I find that, for me, whenever I speak Japanese, I have to usually say things – not so much anymore because I do culture switch, but before I culture switch, if I didn’t change my body language – like, if I walk up to somebody standing up straight

C: Right.

K: With really great posture, and I walk directly up to them, and my shoulders are back, and I’m being a “good American” they will struggle to hear my Japanese because they will be struck by my foreignness.

C: Mhm.

K: But if I slouch a little bit and kind of shuffle over to them, don’t make eye contact right away, start by looking at their chest, then their shoulder, then their chin, then eye contact, and then doing like all these weird things – culture switching things – then they’re more likely to understand my Japanese. 

C: Mhm.

K: But if I walk directly straight up to somebody, like I would – the respectful way to address an American. You walk up and you say, “hello.” So, for me, I find that I always just do “konnichiwa.”

C: Yeah.

K: And then I get people who are like, “konbanwa.” And then if I say “konbanwa” they say “konnichiwa.” So, again, it’s one of those things.

C: Yes.

K: Where even if I say “ohayo” they are like “konnichiwa” so… it’s, for me, you have to know what the pair is.

C: Yes.

K: For anything that you say. So, speaking can be really challenging when you’re at the very beginner level because you won’t know what the set comeback is.

C: Mhm.

K: And… now, mind you, we’re speaking complete Nagoya-ben. So, we’re not spea- we’re not saying what goes on outside of any city except Nagoya, and then we’re being really specific to the Ozone area of Nagoya. 

C: Mhm.

K: And those types of subtle differences – like, in Nagoya, specifically in the Ozone area, specifically. So, the Nagoya Dome Aeon specifically, or Mets Ozone, if I say

C: Those are shopping centers.

K: Yes. Shopping centers. If I say, “ohayo.” And it’s the morning, they say, “konnichiwa.” Or they say, “gozaimasu.” Which I find interesting because it’s “ohayougozaimasu” is good morning.

C: Yes.

K: And “ohayo” is like “hey what’s up” but for the morning.

C: It’s like, “morning.” 

K: Yeah. And, so, I find it interesting that if I say, “ohayo.” They’ll say “gozaimasu” or they’ll say “konnichiwa.” 

C: Mhm.

K: If I say “konnichiwa” they’ll say “ohayo” or “ohayougouzaimasu.” So, learning that everything is not an attack on your Japanese, I think is more important than what Japanese you speak.

C: Yeah. I think so.

K: And breaking through that wall of insecurity and defensiveness about your Japanese, for me, is more important than how much – oh, wicked déjà vu – how much Japanese you speak. Because I found that when I stopped being defensive and just starting paying attention to trends and what was happening, I realized that it’s a cultural difference because I wouldn’t be offended if I told someone “good morning” and they said “good afternoon.” Okay, that’s a lie. I’d be like, “what do you mean? This is morning. I got up on time.” (laughs)

C: But if you said, “good morning” and they said, “hey, how are you?”

K: Yeah. And I use “y’all” for everything. “Hey y’all.” Because I just find that it’s a nice, inclusive, gender-neutral pronoun.

C: It is.

K: And my mother is from the south.

C: and I picked it up when I lived in Texas, so you and I were always in agreement on y’all. 

K: Yeah. And because it’s just like – and I love that the Japanese “minasan” means “everyone.” 

C: Yes.

K: So, I always think it’s weird. This happens a lot on twitter, and people are like, “what greeting can I possibly use that is gender neutral?” And I’m like, “hello everyone. Hello. Welcome.”

C: Right.

K: Like, how is this confusing?

C: In Japanese, there’s “minas an.” 

K: Yeah., 

C: Which is like, “hey everybody.” There’s “minasama” which is “hey everybody that’s slightly socially above me or at least I want them to feel that I understand and respect them.”

K: Yeah. So, I don’t understand people who get stuck at… “hello ladies and gentle – welcome ladies and gentlemen.” Why can’t they say, “ladies and gentlemen, everybody in between, non-binary, agender, or however you define yourself.” If they’re that fixated on having to do a gendered greeting.

C: I think if they’re that fixated, they should just say “hello gentlefolk.” 

K: Hello gentlefolk?

C: Gentlefolk, yeah.

K: But that changes the tone.

C: Does it, though?

K: Yes, it does. Don’t call me gentlefolk. I don’t like that. I am not gentle.

C: Oh, okay.

K: (laughs) I’m like Tina Turner, baby. We do it nice and rough. We don’t do it gentle. (laughs) The shade. The shade of red you turn when I speak. Sometimes, I think we should vi – we’re not ever going to video it because we do it in bed. You all know we do it from our bed. And I am not – I am not appropriate for YouTube in any way in my attire right now. Which is why we don’t video tape. In case anybody’s wondering. And Chad is just like, “I am going to sit here saying nothing to see where this tangent goes.”

C: I’m just interested.

K: Interested in what?

C: How many people have tuned out now just imagining you in your

K: What are you talking about?

C: Like, why are you telling people what you’re wearing? This is like a bad penthouse letter.

K: What are you talking about? I did not describe what I was wearing in any way. (laughs) I described what I was not wearing. (laughs)

C: You just said it wouldn’t be decent.

K: And I think people are fantasizing more about you with your sultry tones.

C: Yeah?

K: Yes. You have a really sexy voice.

C: Thank you.

K: You’re welcome.

C: I think I do, too.

K: (laughs) Y- (laughs) You know I love your deadpan voice. You know I think your deadpan voice – gives me like crazy yay-yas. Oh my god. You all didn’t know, but he just spoke to me so dirty right now.

C: (laughs)

K: He just spoke to me so dirty right now. That was complete straight up dirty talk.

C: (laughs)

K: You know you’re using your bedroom voice.

C: No, no. I meant I think you do, too. 

(laughter)

K: You are so ridiculous right now. You are being so ridiculous. Oh my gosh. They are getting a complete snapshot into just how sexy you are.

C: Yup.

K: Not a snapshot. I guess – it wouldn’t be a grand tour. 

C: No, it would not be a grand tour.

K: It would be like a semi-tour. (laughs)

C: It would be

K: I don’t know what kind of – why are we even talking about this? 

C: It would be like the palace tour in Kyoto.

K: So, I think you are daisekushi. 

C: Thank you.

K: Yeah. That means “super sexy.”

C: So, we went to the palace tour in Kyoto – the old palace.

K: Which time?

C: The first time we went. When we didn’t speak any Japanese.

K: Oh okay. (laughs) And y – skip the – oh my god. Okay. Say what you’re going to say about it because I don’t want to be dragging the experience, but the Kyoto palace – all time low for me. The only thing worse was going to that stupid electronics market that’s supposed to be like super high-tech.

C: Yeah, that was – but we go and we’re standing like a hundred feet, thirty meters, away from the palace. And they tell us in English because we booked an English tour “there’s a lot of interesting things in the palace, but you cannot approach any closer. Let’s move on.”

K: Yes.

C: That wa

K: And we couldn’t see – they were like, “if you walk over her, and you lean, you can see the edge of the garden, but it is forbidden to show you the garden because this is the family’s summer home.” 

C: Yup.

K: And I’m like, “okay, so you’re just taking me to all the things I can’t see?” So, basically, we walked around a parking lot looking at roped and fenced off things. And they were like, “well, the emperor has actually stood where you’re standing.” I’m like, “I don’t care.”

C: So, that’s where some Japanese would come in helpful – finding out when things are closed. 

K: Yeah.

C: And things like

K: But that palace is always closed because – I don’t know now because it’s Reiwa – but during Heisei it was closed.

C: Yes.

K: The previous – the previous emperor, Akihito.

C: The previous era.

K: Era. 

C: Yeah.

K: Emperor. 

C: Yes, but

K: What did I just call him? Did I call him princess?

C: No. You called him the emperor. 

K: Okay.

C: But the time period was the era.

K: Yes. The time period was Heisei.

C: Yes.

K: So, now I feel flossy because we came here in Heisei. There’s like one person – you know who you are – that was here before Heisei. And

C: Well, Heisei was thirty years long, then you haven’t been here 30 years, then you came here in Heisei unless you just arrived, in which case you came in Reiwa.

K: Yeah. But there’s one person that’s been here over thirty years. You know who you are. You know you listen. Stop being so flossy about it. 

C: Show off.

K: (laughs) It’s not even a humble brag. You’re so competitive. Why are you competing? It’s not a competition. Like, how many years you’ve been in Japan is not a competition. That you’ve been in Japan for one minute or fifty years, the one thing I can guarantee is that you are experiencing culture shock at some point in time within a twelve-month period.

C: Yeah.

K: That’s the one thing I guarantee. There’s going to be that one day you wake up, you want something that’s not available, or that one day you wake up and you realize that Japan does not know what granola is.

C: Mmm.

K: And you send your loving spouse to get granola – here’s just a little fun fact, oh no. I’m going to save it for the take two.

C: Save it for the take two because we’ve run out of time.

K: Yeah. I’m saving it for the take two. So, head on over to Patreon. (laughs) And check out our take two because we’re going to keep the conversation going, and we hope that you do, too. So, we hope that you enjoyed this episode. So, not sayonara because it’s not goodbye forever, but mata raishuu. 

C: Yeah. Ja mata. Bye-bye.

K: Bye.