K 

So lately I’ve been thinking about goal setting in Japan versus goal setting in the United States, because we’re – it’s almost New Year’s Eve.

C 

I was wondering, I was like you’ve been talking about goal setting a lot. Why is she so obsessed with setting goals right now?

K 

I wasn’t the last episode, I wasn’t talking about goal setting. Last episode I was talking about

C 

You and I talk beyond the podcast. I know that will surprise some of our listeners.

K 

Yeah. So I don’t do goal setting at – I’ve talked about before, I don’t do goal setting at New Years. But I want to talk about Japanese goal setting. And so I feel like Japanese goal setting is more – is simultaneously more aggressive and more accepting with less pressure.

C 

Right.

K 

And that seems like it’s a weird combination. How would you describe it?

C 

I would describe it in terms of referencing Japanese language. Like in English, we say thank you for like your work.

K 

Yeah.

C 

If somebody leaves for the day. In Japanese, it’s called Scott. It’s Ahmed esta, which is thank you for your effort.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And I feel like in Japan, it is the effort that is valued. More so than the outcome. And that’s good and bad. There are negatives to that, too. It’s just different.

K 

So in Japan, I like it, because I can tell my Japanese friends, what my plans are. And as long as I’m working a plan, I’m seen as successful. Whereas my American friends, I can’t tell them my plans. Because if I don’t succeed, or make it come out exactly as they think it should. I’m a failure.

C 

Right? So again, I’m thinking in terms of language like English, it’s like, good luck, or like, bomb songs in French or feud look in German. And then Japanese. It’s ganbatte ne, which is, try hard, right?

K 

Yeah. Work hard.

C 

Yeah. So it’s not saying as a matter of having good fortune, it’s a matter of work hard. So I feel like the outcome is a lot less valued in Japan.

K 

I feel like there’s Japanese support is very aggressive. And you’re being aggressively supported. And I’ve talked on the podcast before where I don’t like the combat the mindset, but it is actually, like, I’ve done a one ad in the past two years. And I think losing my practice, and starting over again, right, and seeing the way that my Japanese friends react to it, versus the way that my American friends react to it. My Japanese friends react to it like every new beginning as some other beginnings end to, quote, the famous song. And the Americans act like it’s a huge tragic tragedy, and they will not hear that COVID didn’t destroy my business, right? They want it to be the same situation that they’re going to they’re looking for similarities, where to connect, whereas my Japanese friends are like, this is your path, not mine. And I think it’s, and I had one Japanese friend, say, Thank you for not telling me when it was tragic. Thank you for telling me once you had succeeded,

C 

once you’re ready to pick yourself back up, I think is more like the attitude is that that’s the success.

K 

Yes, that doesn’t translate what’s said in Japanese, there’s no translation for it in English. So I just did like a rough translation of thank you for not, it’s because the translations will thank you for not burdening me, but it doesn’t have the same connotations. It’s like, Thank you for telling me when it’s the time for celebration, rather than when it’s the time for mourning. Yeah. And for me, I just really enjoy that mindset. And I really enjoy. For one I like not reveling in anything that’s perceived as my downfall. Yes. And I like the celebration of a new plan. And that makes me feel so happy. And like I told everybody when I started the press, and they’re like, everything you’ve accomplished is so amazing. Whereas the Americans are like, when do you think you have your first bestseller? And I’m like, yo, we’ve been open for like a little over a year and they’re like, so is a goal for 2022 to get a best seller. The goal for every book we publish is to get a best seller.

C 

But that First book we published was the best seller we’d already we’d ever had. And we’ve had better sellers since then for us,

K 

right. And every week I obsessively chart the first week of sales and every book is doing better. I don’t want this to dominate the podcast, I want to talk about the Japanese mindset. And my experience of it in Nagoya, I don’t know what it’s like in other cities. I don’t know what it’s like, to Aichi prefecture, really. And I love that Japanese nationals are like, That’s so awesome that you’re reaching the goals that you’re setting for the business and your goal sounds so realistic, and they’re really interested in hearing the goals and hearing my plan, and I’m really interested in hearing their goals and hearing their plan. But there’s never that gotcha. I knew you wouldn’t succeed. Because I open my practice. The first thing Americans say to me is, you know, you’re not the only therapist in Japan. Well, no shit, right? Like, that would be really strange. And there would be no market and it would be uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes. Okay,

C 

you didn’t arrive with Admiral Perry in 1868, reopening Japan to the world,

K 

right? So for me, it’s I love I love the aggressive. What are you going to do next? I love that drive. Like, what’s your plan? What are you doing? What are you thinking about? And that’s, I like the Drama Dolls, but I’ve never purchased one. And it’s a doll that’s based on a Buddhist monk called Bodhi Dharma, which is my favorite Buddhist monk, because he’s violent. And just out there, like the, I think I might have shared on a podcast before but the tale of Bodhidharma has he walked from India to to China, and he lost one of his shoes. So he kept his other shoe on a stick and walked barefoot the rest of the way. And when he got to the Great Wall of China, he sat there. And he wanted to stare and sit in open eyed meditation. But his eyes kept closing. So he tore off his eyelids. And when his eyelids hit the ground, that’s where green tea comes from. As I say, Okay, I know this is a legend. But are you sure though, right, that’s a legend like so. For me when I was doing like my whole, like, investigating Buddhism, and like, Bodhi Dharma is my Buddha, my Buddha, yo, like, because all the other Buddha’s are hardcore, but they pretend like they’re not hardcore. And to be an accolade of his, his first accolade, had to cut off his arm to show his dedication. I think that’s also a myth. Well,

C 

and in the myth, he decided on his own, how he would show his dedication. And his first thought was, I know, I’ll chop off my arm.

K 

Right? But then you’re sitting across from a live this deed?

C 

Yeah, I feel like the lidless. I was Bodhidharma. Really Sauron.

K 

Right? Because, you know, so for me, I love the doll. And I love the now everyone buys them with one painted i because they’re sold with one painted eye. But the original tradition was that you paint one eye when you make a wish. And then you paint the second eye when the wish comes true. But they’re also used for as a tool to teach children how to goal set, and how to goal set with what are you going to accomplish in the next year? What are your aims in the next year? And then when you achieve them, we celebrate, but the cycle starts over again. What are your aims? Like, every year, you need to have goals and aims, and I really enjoy that. I know, it’s not everyone’s temperament. If we did that last year, he would be devastated.

C 

But a lot of the goal setting literature now, because I read a lot of stuff for my corporate job is smart goals, you know, the specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time bound. And I feel like the the year provides that nice time bonus time boundedness.

K 

So something I find interesting about you is if we set a goal for a year from now, you here three months from now, what’s up with that? Cuz that’s specific to chat goal setting.

C 

Yeah, I feel like setting a goal for a year is you’re giving yourself cushion. And so how much cushion Am I actually give myself? Well, if I’ve got quadruple the time I actually need that seems like a comfortable margin. So I should try and get it done in three months, because then my time can slip a few times.

K 

But then you immediately move on to the next goal. And I find it well

C 

what else am I gonna do just like sit around for nine months and revel in how fast I was at that goal. That just makes me a crappy goal setter because my goal was too small.

K 

And so when I apply this logic to my Stop, you call it moving the goalpost and setting unrealistic, unrealistic expectations of myself and perfectionism. Because I feel like you toxic perfectionism. I

C 

feel like you rarely acknowledged that you met that goal. You don’t have your line of Daruma dolls all set up with both their eyes filled in, because you set goals, because you’re like, No, that’s for wishes. And to me, I feel like goals and wishes are the same thing to you. That goals and wishes are pretty much the same thing to you.

K 

I don’t believe in wishes, what would what’s a wish? Like a marine Your Heart Makes? Yeah, like what is that? I’m just gonna sit down and passively wait for the universe to give me something. That’s not my life. Oh,

C 

so you haven’t discovered the secret? No, I have not. You’re not manifesting it.

K 

I can’t manifest anything. Rahsaan hand life just keeps working out for him and everything. He manifest, he thinks about it. And it just appears. And we’re actually having to change that because I make all of those things happen. And it’s quite a culture shock for him coming in at 27. I’m like, Okay, this is dangerous. Now we’re entering into like a really dangerous territory where rasa says I want something, and my knee jerk is to get it, right. And that’s not healthy for me. And it’s not healthy for him. But it is really painful as a parent to allow your child to fail when you can prevent it. And so, roster doesn’t set goals. He just casually tells me things he wants. My room casually mentioned, I don’t really like my apartment anymore. Now we’re apartment hunting roster never, ever said, I want a new apartment roster never ever said I want to move. And so I don’t think that roster knows how to set goals. And so we’re kind of that’s what we’re kind of focused on for roster for the next year is teaching them how to set goals and how to achieve those goals. I was like, but I didn’t really want anything. And then we dig down deeper. It’s like you do want stuff. But I’m so proactive and getting everything he wants that he just off the cuff mentioned something in a casual conversation. And then I go into mommy overdrive and make it happen.

C 

Yeah, I feel like in my day job, I do a lot of goal setting for myself, for other people, accommodating other people’s goal setting. And my aim is always to make, like the tiniest adjustment possible. Yeah, as early as I know, they want things so that it can look like I’m not really doing much. But I feel like if you’re steering a boat, and you’re off by one degree, you’re gonna end up in a different country.

K 

Yeah. Like,

C 

you don’t want to sail all the way and then sail up the coast 400 miles, because you didn’t want to bother to adjust when you’re headed over the ocean where it looked like smooth sailing.

K 

Yeah. And so for me, like we’re talking about American and Japanese goal setting. But I think there’s also room to talk about when you create your own country and your own island. And I feel like I created the aisle of mom. And in the aisle of mom, the culture is Rasta things of thought. And if that thought brings him pleasure and a desire, then I make a way to fulfill that. And so even down to like wanting to date, like, I will do, I don’t do it anymore. Because now roster works tender. But I’ve talked about before how I would do a tender takeover, and just take his tender and swipe and super like and all of that stuff. And now he knows how to do. And so for me, it’s always been really reinforcing. Like he says he wants something, and then I make it happen. And then he sees how I make it happen. And then he does that. But a byproduct of that is not knowing how to how to set goals, not knowing how to do goal setting. I feel like part

C 

of what you have a mastery of too is getting what you want out of various systems. You can look at a system and say, Okay, this is what I want. Here’s how I get it. Yeah. And so drawing the line between the goal and the outcome, like the the plan to make the goal happen. And in the US, it’s very much don’t bother me with the plan. Just tell me when you’ve succeeded. Yeah. And in Japan, it’s very much what’s the plan and not so much examination of whether it has any chance of success? Just How hard are you going to work? Yeah. And so I feel like most people who are successful have a mix of these things. So these are kind of broad generalizations. cuz I feel like the Japanese people I know who are highly successful, do look at their goals and make sure that they’re going to be successful. Yeah, but they have a reasonable chance. But what’s valued culturally, on average is the effort. Yes. And then the US has a lot of lip service given to valuing the effort. But if you, like, look at who’s celebrated in the US, it’s the person who strove and then succeeded. Yes, they’re like this person practice for 12 hours a day, you know, football in their backyard against killer robots. And they’re not. And they succeeded, and they don’t look at all the other people, like, died to the killer robots practice football.

K 

And so for me, I feel like I’m suited to both countries, right? Because I’m really good about being secretive about what my goals and aims are. And then just showing up as a success. And so when I introduced any business, I introduce it after it’s already succeeded in my mind by what success would be, that doesn’t mean that there’s not room to grow and do more things. And I also do it with personality changes. And I don’t really say what, what is the thing I’m working on to anyone? I do say to you, because I tell you everything about me. And I just, I want that to change because I want the I want to embrace the culture of it’s not embarrassing to be a striver.

C 

Yeah. And I feel like there’s not really a word for tryhard in Japanese. Yeah. Like there’s, you know, people who grind oil, which is like kissing ass or sucking up. But in contrast, in the American venture capital culture, there are stealth mode startups. Yes. Where you don’t know who’s funding them. And I read listings to like, get a sense of what market rates are for various business reasons. Yeah, very, very muckety muck up stuff. But there are are places saying like, we’re hiring for a stealth mode startup that’s got a billion dollars in funding, like, How Is This Anything stealthy? You’re advertising to the 20 million people who read this list? Yeah, they are hiring 500 people. There’s nothing stealth about this. You don’t want to say who’s funding it yet? Yeah. Like, is it funded by the US Department of Defense? Is it funded by Amazon? Like, there’s various funders, and I’m like, we’re leaving stealth mode. Right? Okay. So you’re just rebranding yourself. But it’s very much that we’re a big successful company, we want to start another company, but we don’t want to be taxed if it fails.

K 

Right. Like, we don’t want that failure on our name, right. For me, the, I still struggle to call struggle, culturally with being a public figure. In the United States, I wasn’t a public figure. And in Japan, I’m very much a public figure. I’m very well known in a lot of communities, both Japanese and American, and very well respected. And the things that made me a public figure are so strange to me, like I’ve testified in court in the United States, that didn’t make me a public figure. It’s one of the things that made me a public figure here. And I worked with the children Guidance Center. I worked with top protective services in the United States that made me a public figure here, having a website makes me a public figure. And there are people that just watch my website and watch my Facebook to see what I’m going to do. And I think that I didn’t have Facebook was a thing. When we left the United States, and I didn’t have one. I didn’t have y’all night just barely got one. Like, I don’t know, I think maybe eight years ago, six years ago, and it was immediately successful. And I was like, how is my Facebook successful? Because I have 1000s and 1000s of followers on Facebook. And in Japan. Nobody cares about my social media presence. No, no, like so you know, a bunch of people. What, how did you get this? Why did you do it? What’s the point? Yeah. And so the music’s in Japan at the beginning, when we went on Instagram, I had a bunch of Instagram goals. And I’ve since decided I don’t want to have any Instagram goals when it comes to the music’s in Japan. And that’s because I’m not dedicated to working the system to achieve the goals and nobody sees like it. It’s basically the music’s in Japan. It’s not updated regularly we do updated, updated regularly. I log on to answer and every now and then, because I do have people that I talk with and people that I’m actually friends with that I know in real life, but nobody in Japan sees that as a failure as the pivot is not viewed as a failure. And Americans I gave up on he gave up. And in Japan if you changed your mind, right, that wasn’t working for you. And maybe there’s a discussion of why that wasn’t working for you. But there’s not the you’re a quitter. There’s not the your loser connotation to change your mind or doing a pivot.

C 

Yeah, in Japan, it’s like, are you? Are you in motion? Yes. Yes. Then you are a success. Yes. All right. But I’m drowning here. But the tide will go out.

K 

Yeah, like, right, the tide? Yeah.

C 

And there’s, you know, along the same lines, oh, there’s the culture of the nail that gets sticks up, that sticks up gets hammered down.

K 

Which is like, I wish you had never learned that same almost every time we talk about Japanese culture, use that saying, because

C 

I find it so like, it’s not true. And that’s why I find it so strange. They keep saying that, because you buy

K 

into I don’t always call you out on it. But you mentioned it when you don’t think it’s true. And you mentioned it when you do think it’s true. Like what’s up with you in that phrase was going down?

C 

It feels like a threat. It feels like stay in line, or you’ll get hammered down. And I feel like the way that it gets applied is so much when people question the methods that are being used. Like, if you say, Okay, we have this common goal, like we as a team have this common goal, and you say, is this the right way to go? It’s like, why are you commenting? Why are you question the way we’re going? We’re going to work really hard. Yeah. And we see a lot of Japanese companies work really hard to know a fact. And others do really well. Yeah. And I feel like in the US, it’s it’s, you’re seen as being contrary, rather than being different. If your question the plan. And sometimes people are like, not, we’re already decided, and sometimes people say, Yeah, okay, your idea is better. But there’s rarely criticism for the mere fact of having a different opinion. Yeah, there’s sometimes criticism for the fact of hanging on a specific opinion, yeah, about how to achieve the goal. But it’s not criticism of the fact that your opinion is merely different. I think that goes back to the being successful versus being seemed to work. Like in Japan, there is consensus building for decisions, but that’s supposed to be happening while you are like moving. Yes. And in the US, it’s not so much consensus building as who has the best idea to make sure that we have the smallest chance of failure so that we’re not embarrassed by not meeting our goal.

K 

And what I find interesting about Japan, and going back to the drama doll, is that you can paint in the other eye as a show of gratitude for the progress towards the goal that you made. As I said, it’s a one year goal setting thing. But that’s really, I think more for children than adults think some adults use it that way too. But I like the attitude that I’m giving thanks for what all I’ve achieved this year, towards this goal. Whereas in the United States, there are people that I know that in December there, they strive really hard to reach whatever last year’s goal was that they can deem themselves a success at doing their New Year’s resolution, and giving themselves permission to set any resolution. Like if I felt at last year’s resolution, I either have to make it this year’s resolution again. Or I don’t get to set a resolution at all because I’m bad at setting goals for myself. And I think that it’s an all or nothing mindset that I think the Japanese don’t really have an all or nothing mindset about a lot of things and goal setting is one of them. I do

C 

think all saying because I the conversations I’ve had with my Japanese friends was like, Well, yeah, I’m all or nothing on these 20 things. Yeah, because the nothing isn’t a negative. It’s just like, Okay, it’s not happening. Yeah. But if you give up on goal setting, then what will you do for your life?

K 

Yes. And that’s the pressure point. And I think it’s really hard for people who come over here and have the mix of when I would see people straddling the the two cultures and being an English teacher, and in Japan either Teaching is not viewed as a career is viewed as a job. And in Japan, I feel like it’s okay to work a job as long as you know that you’re working a job, not a career. And it’s okay to not have a side hustle. And it’s okay to say, this is the job I’m going to do for the rest of my life. And some parents are quoted, some parents aren’t just like in the United States. But if you’re not viewed as a failure, you can be viewed as not living up to your potential. But that in Japan, from my experience, at least in my friend circle, and the people I’ve worked with in therapy, is okay, you’ve decided not to meet my expectations of you. You’ve decided to not fulfill my dreams and goals for you. And that hurts me and disappoints me, but you’re still valid in your own writing. Do you feel that way? Or do you feel like it’s more subtle?

C 

I feel like it’s sometimes even more explicit. I feel like in friendships, it can be more subtle, because Japanese people aren’t as sensitive to other people’s feelings as anybody else is. Yeah. And so despite the know that cold, uncaring robot machines, that propaganda that I grew up with, it’s not true

K 

at all, at all, the Japanese, all my Japanese friends are so loving, so affection. And I’ve met cold Japanese people that I’ve met the same in the United States, right? In terms of coldness. And I think for American culture. Japan is not a huggy culture. And I don’t like hugs, y’all know that. But what I love is, I love the patting my back without touching me. Y’all know, I love that. But I also love when my girlfriend’s squeeze my arm. Yeah, I love that so much, because that’s a bear hug. And it’s tolerable to me. Like to just hype me out of nowhere is a shock. But they’ll grab me and squeeze my arm. And or grab my hand when we’re laughing. Yeah. And I enjoy that so much. And I think that’s where the coldness comes from, is the lack of physical contact, and needing to speak Japanese. And then yeah, that Japanese has such a rigid structure to it. I think they don’t know how to speak friendly. And I think once from my experience once people know how to speak friendly and Japanese, yeah, because French Japanese is different. It’s weird. I can’t explain that talk first. Yeah, no, it’s not.

C 

But I look at the difference between and these are Japanese words between an auto buy toe and a pop. Yeah. So auto buy toe is from the German Arbeit work. And it’s a part time job. Yeah. And Pato is from the American part time job. And it’s a part time job. Yeah. But the difference is that with a Pato you’re just kind of dabbling. Yeah. And it’s not going anywhere serious. Yeah. Whereas other vital is a serious job but it doesn’t take up all of your time. Like you want to have a career but only 20 hours a week. Yeah. Or the opposite. I always forget which is which

K 

is Patil I remember it because I had a girlfriend telling me that they were doing their Patil. But it was volunteer Patil. Oh, yeah, volunteer, part time gig is. And they work at a soup kitchen and two days a week. And that’s their part time gig. And so volunteering falls under that. I like that. Another thing I like about Japanese goal setting and about Japanese self improvement, is that I’m not expected to rise to the point of where I’m improving myself in a way that is socially acceptable to you. And away or to someone else. Not, not your beautiful music notes. You’d never you’d never do that. Never. And we’d love you. And we love putting I didn’t mention putting the last couple of episodes just want to give a shout out and say we love putting Okay, yes. And it was time for putting warm putting love warm person. Any Hill. Back to what I was saying. When my friend revealed that they worked at a soup kitchen, there wasn’t the immediate, what do you do to improve the social status, the social the social status quo. And I I’d like that there’s no ownership of my goal setting and no ownership of myself improvement. And I feel like in the US there was

C 

Yeah, I feel like that’s true. And I feel like these things are all on average, but I haven’t had Japanese people be like, What are you doing to apologize for the fact that you are at least moderately successful? Yes. That in the US is expected like, oh, you’re a middle class and you’re not at risk of falling into poverty and unless, like you have several catastrophes, well, how much charity are you giving? Yeah, I think Here in Japan, it’s like, if the conversation comes up at all, well, you pay your taxes, right?

K 

Yeah. The big thing is do you pay your pension? Yeah. So it’s like Social Security,

C 

there was this. There was a scandal, because a lot of the people in parliament were found to have not paid their pension because the the retirement pension part of it is paid separately from the health insurance and social welfare part of it. Yeah. For certain types of jobs and government jobs are one of those types.

K 

So I think I want to talk about some positive things about the US because I don’t hate the United States. And I think some people think that I do, I don’t, I’m hurt by the United States. So think of it as like a friend that’s really hurt you, but you still love them, but you can’t be around them. Yeah. And that’s how I feel about living in the United States. But I don’t think all US culture is bad culture. And I’m American, through and through. And my goal setting and my moving of the goalposts makes me highly effective and highly successful. And that’s an American type of drive that I have, right. And I feel like my entrepreneurship comes from American goal setting. And I find that my ability to just come on the scene successful. A lot of people admire that. And that comes from being American, not comes from going through people being disappointed with me for not reaching a goal. People call me a failure for not reaching a goal and all of those kinds of things. And I think it was wrong of them to do that. I think it’s broader than that in any culture. But for me, I find that I really enjoy that. And on the flip side, with Japanese, I have friends who haven’t seen me in years, I guess that will make them more acquaintance or Japanese people I know. They haven’t seen me for years. That will dogged me out. Because my Japanese hasn’t improved. Right? So there is

C 

that you haven’t been working on your Japanese

K 

with huge disappointment. And, oh, you’re still working the same job? Like sameness, I find I get a little bit scorn for sameness in Japan for not evolving in Japan.

C 

Yeah. And I feel like that the thing you say is American, I do think it’s American. But I think it’s also California. And I’m sure there are other places with a matching one. But having grown up in Alaska, a lot of people have the I’m surviving until I until I get lucky until I like

K 

strangled. But in Alaska, that’s the vibe.

C 

That’s I’m saying I gets a different vibe is different from either California or Japan. Yeah. And so I think there are all these subcultures like in the academic subculture. Everybody’s just like, I’m trying to go on tenure track. And the ones that are on tenure track, I’m trying to get tenure. And then once they get tenure is I’m trying to get this prestigious grant. Yeah. But it’s very much seen as the week will fall.

K 

Yeah, I find that the week will fall is a mindset that both Japan and the United States share. And I for one, find that I’m becoming more and more blended over the years, and I’m enjoying the blend. And I find that transitioning out of transitioning out of motherhood into personhood is such a beautiful journey for me, I’m really enjoying it. Because in the United States, I learned that if my child was unhappy, that I’m a bad mother, my child’s overweight, I’m a bad mother, if my child like the long list of if my child is not pristine, that I’m a failure as a human being and my purpose for being on this earth. And I think the same can be said for Japan. But what makes us successful child in Japan is different than what makes a successful child in the United States. And I ironically, I prefer the US on this rather than Japan.

C 

I feel like both countries have a very heavy expectation on the mother. Yeah. Like everybody looks at me, and they’re like, Did you teach them how to ride a bike? Might? Yes. Did you teach them how to throw a baseball? I’m like, Yes, I’m there. Then your job is done, sir. Like what? No.

K 

Yeah, well, people in Japan roster playing Go. got you out of the disappointment of you not having him do martial arts. Right? Because that was like, What are you doing to help him? You know, really be the best version of himself. There has to be some sort of mental discipline activity that they’re doing.

C 

Come on. As a sumo. You know the sumo I’m just fat No, I went out to a restaurant with a Japanese friend. And the people around two stories, my Japanese friend, is he a sumo?

K 

And I can give you an idea of Chad’s shape. And I look like a female Sumo. So I always joke that would look like salt and pepper shakers. Because I feel like my body is a shape of what your assigned female at birth body would have looked like. I think he would have been shorter.

C 

I think so that body is like there’s a picture of it hanging in the attic somewhere.

K 

So we have like a really good understanding of American goal setting. And I want to say that the thing that I prefer about American success when it comes to parenting, is that we’ve built several companies and Nasus work roster has worked for each company, and having a company that roster can take over as viewed as successful. In the United States. In Japan, it is not

C 

Yeah, he’s worked for each one. Once he became a working age, we didn’t do the child labor thing.

K 

No, we didn’t. And that was frowned upon in Japan, like we should have done. Right, right.

C 

storefront with like the eight year old bread man in the till, yes, like with the parents sitting nearby. But when we go to small towns, it’s not unusual to see kids on weekends. And after school and after school, like working at the family store,

K 

that those families are viewed as not being successful. Yeah. And I’ve worked with Japanese nationals who are overcoming the trauma of their family having a small business. And small businesses just aren’t treated with a lot of respect in Japan in terms of legacy. So for me, I get all of the respect accolades and, and all of that. But Rasta gets disdain for working for any, any endeavor that his parents do.

C 

Well, I’m for not being in a tier one company, too, I think. I think there’s a very strong distinction. And

K 

even if there was a tier one, because for the Toyota versus Toyota, right family that that schism that split, there is like the sort of if you don’t branch out and do something different, because Toyota is the original company, and they made machine parts and machines. And then Toyota is the car company when they switch gears. That innovation gained the Toyota family. That brand of the Toyota family. Yeah, respect and success.

C 

And those who don’t know the story that toyo.is usually spelled with a D before the final A, that’s, that’s the family name. And when they decided they were going to go international, they said, okay, that company name, we’re going to use a T, which has an alternative pronunciation of that final character.

K 

Yeah. So I feel like the the lengths that this legacy family had to go through to be respected in Japan, right. And seen as something viable. And I, I had another client, who came from a very successful family and had taken over the family business, and was really struck, struggling to forge their own identity, because the only thing that anyone cared about for them was the fact that they were bilingual, and didn’t care about all of the training that they had done. And I was like, this is Japan.

C 

Yeah, this is Japan, where when you start a new job at a big company, they don’t care what your degree is in. Yeah, these are the tier one companies what’s called the K dot

K 

read. And what’s the tier one company?

C 

It’s a member of the K Don Ren, the Japanese business? sociation. Yeah, it’d be like being a fortune 500 company.

K 

Yeah. So I find it interesting that there’s no way to succeed except for striking out on your own or going with something really well known and big and moving your way up there to be a success. Right. But to be successful. In Japan, you just need to be working towards a goal and I find that nuance to be interesting.

C 

Yeah. Like the difference between, like a respectable person, and a rich person. Oh, kinda emoji. Yeah. He just means has money. Yes. Like so. Just having money makes you rich in Japan.

K 

Yes. I don’t think that Japan is like this golden place where everything is perfect. I did feel a lot. I do feel a lot of pressure but about some of the things I’m not doing. And one of the things I feel a lot of pressure about is whether or not to become a Japanese citizen and what I think is so strange When I have this pressure, I have this pressure because I’m married to an American. Yeah, we’re as it’s okay for in Japanese docile, nasil eyes, it’s okay for a man married to a Japanese woman to have that be the goal. And they just hope they stick around until the child graduates. And I find that that’s all. From my perspective, that’s like a really low bar for success. Right? I stayed in Japan until my child was an adult. Okay. You know, that’s

C 

people we’ve known that have failed to meet

K 

that. Right? Because

C 

deported or Yeah, has it been deported.

K 

But as an American woman living in Japan with an American husband, the pressure on me with to learn Japanese, which is why I’m so defensive about it on the podcast, sometimes the pressure from expats and I know I talked about the expat my competition thing with Thomas Japanese as I speak. And that’s the one area where I feel like in Japan, that’s very much like the United States is like, if you’re not trying to do the top level of the most famous Japanese language tasks, which is the JLPT. One, if that’s not what I’m working on with my Japanese, what am I even doing here? Yeah. And the scorn that comes with that from both sides, from expats and from Japanese nationals.

C 

And culturally, there’s not much wiggle room for reasons that you aren’t trying the hardest possible.

K 

Yeah, there are. That’s another thing.

C 

I’ve shown up at job interviews, and they’re like, you have a cane? We’re sorry, we’re not going to interview you today, which is legal in Japan. Yeah. And it’s like, why, like, well, you’re not trying hard enough to walk.

K 

Yeah, like you should have came without, without the

C 

right, you knew that we were going to see you. So you should have pretended. And that happens in the US too. But yeah, in Japan, it’s very much seen as like a

K 

so opening law. Yeah. So opening then in Japan. And for me, like my experience was I was in the hospital, and I like, oh, great, you’ll have time to study, right? I’m having surgery, okay? I must

C 

be hospitalized because they want to make sure that I don’t die after my surgery, you know, get a massive infection.

K 

Well, and they had to keep me an extended time period. And then like me being sick, they’re like, but just talk for a living? Like, why can’t you just talk for a living? I don’t get this whole. Okay, why are you sick?

C 

Why can’t you just talk for a living, but don’t forget to be ganky? Yeah.

K 

So there are good some but there are good things and bad things to American culture setting. I mean, goal setting, and good things and bad things to Japanese goal setting. And for me, I’ve fused the two and I’ve taken from both culture work both cultures, what works best for me. And my hope is that everybody listening with New Year’s coming up, that you will look at your New Year’s resolution and a pass or fail way that you’ll look at it. And you’ll decide if you didn’t do anything towards the goal, that that really wasn’t something you wanted to achieve. And look, it is something you feel like you should achieve versus like weight loss. I’ve never said weight loss as my goal on big fluffy, and I love it. And I plan to stay big and fluffy. And every time I see any one of my doctors, they’re like you having hereditary copper for a period is because you’re fat. You haven’t

C 

read Attari?

K 

Right. So my point of bringing that up is if like your goal was to lose weight, or if your goal is to does that or the other. Ask yourself like, Was that really what you wanted? Was that really the goal you wanted to set? And was that really a plan that you wanted to make?

C 

The way I think of it is? Are you working toward the success that you want? Or the success that you think is expected of you?

K 

Yeah, and I think that that’s a really good balance that we hope, all of our beautiful music notes take. And we want to thank you all for listening. And I know we haven’t been digressing lately, but

C 

yeah, we’re sorry. Well, we’ll work on that.

K 

We’ve been staying on topic, like really strictly. And I think that’s more to do with the fact that I’m semi on vacation right now. And Chad’s completely on vacation right now.

C 

It’s very nice. Yeah.

K 

So we don’t really have anything else going on. That’s not private. Because we talk about almost everything. And

C 

yeah, like I mentioned my day job occasionally, but I don’t mean the company and I don’t go into the details what I do because it’s so boring. It’s so boring. kisser is like, can we talk about something else?

K 

Yeah, he’s looking at my eyes glaze over right now. I’m trying not to roll my eyes like come stop and roll my eyes. Like the main thing that we have going on that we would have digressed about is, is the forgemasters, because we’re watching a show that has eight seasons are forged in fire. Yeah, for, and it’s really great show. But that’s like, we don’t really talk about TV. No. So we hope you enjoy the podcast, even though you may not have gotten the digressions you wanted. And for that, we apologize. And for those who are like, Finally, don’t get used to it.

C 

Goal, an easy win. Go subscribe to our Patreon. Only $3 a month.

K 

Yeah, support your favorite podcast. That’s an awesome goal. No, I

C 

didn’t say support your favorite podcast, or their favorite podcast. Thank you for the reminder.

K 

Yeah, hello. Unlike working so hard, I just want to be in the top five. And thank you to everyone in Antarctica who are listening to our podcast. That’s my fantasy. They’re, they’re using a VPN. We know you’re using a VPN and

C 

we see you we feel the chill.

K 

Right. So thank you so much for listening. We hope that you follow us on over to Patreon and we’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye.