K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about what’s next.
C: This is so much easier, in terms of deciding, to just look at what happened.
K: What do you mean?
C: I mean, looking at what’s next: we don’t know what’s next.
K: Yes, you do. You have to decide.
C: But how can you look at the future?
K: You can envision it in your mind.
C: Or you could be a time traveler.
K: (laughs) No. I don’t wanna be a time traveler.
C: I’m already a time traveler, but I only go forward very slowly.
K: Yeah. That joke has never been funny.
C: But it will be in the future.
K: Mm. You keep saying that.
C: (laughs)
K: I don’t know what future day you’re thinking I’m gonna laugh at that.
C: I am looking forward to the future, and I know that it will be funny on that day.
K: I am so happy that you have the hope of that.
C: Thank you.
K: Yeah. That’s awesome. And if y’all, you know – like I always say – but on this one, I’m gonna be like, “encourage him.” Because I feel like I was just very discouraging right there.
C: You were, but I know you’ll change your mind.
K: (laughs) I feel like I will never laugh at the time travel joke. None of your time traveler jokes are funny to me. Like, none of them. And you make me laugh – you all know he makes me laugh because he makes me laugh all the time – but
C: Not even, “what do we want? Time travel. When do we want it? It doesn’t matter.”
K: … That one’s painful.
C: Wow, painful?
K: Ouch. Yes.
C: Okay.
K: Like, ow – and I saw it coming.
C: So, let’s talk about the future because obviously that joke doesn’t have a future.
K: (laughs) That was a good one. So, see? He’s very good at the redirect. So, I feel like I just gotta smack him down hard, crush all his hopes that he could be funny, and then he’ll just rise to the occasion. So, I’m not being a mean wife.
C: I’m good at cold reading, but instead of psychic predictions, I’m good at cold reading for comedy. Like, finding what you’ll find funny.
K: Mmm. And that’s another one. So – but, on this one, I’ll be like, “y’all encourage him” because I’ve just been smacking them jokes down. Like batting them away like, “no.” Like a ping pong champion. (laughs)
C: You are my test audience.
K: I don’t know why I’m a ping pong champion. I saw something with a ping pong table on it.
C: Wow.
K: Oh, I watched that T.V. series Utopia and there was like a couple of scenes with a ping pong table. So, I thought the T.V. show Utopia was going to be like Postcards from Elsewhere?
C: Uh-huh.
K: Was it Postcards?
C: Yeah. That was – that was the name of the show: Postcards from Elsewhere.
K: Okay. Loved that show. And then the final episode was just, like… wow. Mind blown. On the final episode. But, no, Utopia had two seasons, and it was just… not – it was way… scarier and not something I advise – so, it’s the British Utopia show from a few years back from like 2016. And it was so timely for what’s going down now that it was making me a little bit paranoid.
C: Mm.
K: So, it was just a no. Y’all, save yourself the trauma because y’all will be traumatized by it – or maybe you won’t be. I don’t know. But it was traumatizing for me.
C: If you’re in the mood to be traumatized, we have other suggestions.
K: (laughs) You can read Chad’s book. (laughs)
C: Exactly.
K: You can read Not My Ruckus, and you will be traumatized. Everyone is traumatized by the book. Not a single reader – no, there was one reader that didn’t finish the book because they were bored. I don’t just share the good, I share the bad. I s hare it all. I’m transparent.
C: Yup.
K: so, in the spirit of transparency, it’s Golden Week in Japan, and Golden Week is the first week of May. And this week, I’m supposed to make my decision about when I go back to… being a therapist.
C: When you go back to seeing clients.
K: Yeah. So, what’s the difference in your mind?
C: The difference in my mind is that being a therapist is an identity, and I don’t feel like… that’s your identity. And
K: Mm.
C: If you’re going to see clients in the future, and that is your identity, and you remained a therapist even when you weren’t seeing clients…
K: Mm.
C: But seeing clients is an action.
K: Okay. Yeah because, no, being a therapist is a big part of my identity. I say, “I’m a therapist.”
C: Right.
K: And I think, more so, at my core, I’m a psychologist.
C: Yes.
K: So, I enjoy studying human behavior. And… the
C: And you were trained in it. You have a master’s degree.
K: (laughs)
C: You’re working on your PHD. This is not a casual
K: Yeah, I’m highly skilled, and I have over 25 years’ experience, yada, yada.
C: Yeah.
K: They know. The Music Notes know.
C: Okay.
K: They know. And if you don’t know, go back and listen to our old episodes if you just joined the fam. So… see how cool I was right there?
C: You were very cool.
K: I’m so cool, I have to dab it out. (laughs) So, I – there’s this new thing all the kids are doing, but it’s weird. It’s just like… you turn your hands to the side. It’s not as fulfilling as a dab.
C: Yeah, I think it’s called the teen wolf.
K: … No. That’s not the teen wolf.
C: Okay.
K: The teen wolf is more akin to like the Thriller dance.
C: Yeah, I know what the teen wolf looks like.
K: Okay.
C: I was making a joke that, in the future will be funny.
K: Mm. Yeah. So, if y’all are listening to this on any day other than May 6th, 2021, and you find any of these jokes funny, please hit us up on Twitter and tell Chad he was right.
C: Thank you. Yes.
K: See? I got your back.
C: You do.
K: I got your back. Like, I don’t got your front – well, right now because I’m just giving you full facials on that, like all your bad jokes. (laughs)
C: I think it’s called “face.”
K: No. Full facials.
C: Okay.
K: I’m giving you facials.
C: Like in an aesthetician kind of sense?
K: No, in like a Twitter after dark kind of sense.
C: Wow, okay.
K: (laughs) I don’t know why that would be the response to bad jokes. But I think that’s gonna go down later. (laughs)
C: Wow, okay.
K: Oh my gosh. I’m hilarious.
C: So, now you’re calling me bad?
K: (laughs) See, that was a good one. So (laughs) that was so funny. I’m in this weird place where… I don’t know whether or not I’m going to see clients again. But I’m super, super curious about – so, here’s the thing: as a therapist, like… the therapeutic client relationship has, for me, historically has had four different endings. And it’s weird because my numbers are three and five. So, the fact that there’s four different endings – that bugs me. Like, I want there to be a fifth ending. But there just isn’t.
So, one is the natural conclusion for the therapeutic process: that the person has reached their therapeutic goals. And then, usually, that’s a very abrupt ending because they realize it in between appointments, and they usually email me like, “hey. I don’t really feel like I need to talk to you. What should I do?” I’m like, “let’s cancel your next appointment, and let’s leave it open for us to talk again.” And usually those clients, I end up talking to them sometime in the future.
C: Yeah.
K: Then there’s the second ending where they leave Japan. And… everybody – some people have an expatriate date. Some people inform me, like text me from the plane that they’re not making their appointment that day. Because they’ve decided to leave Japan. That’s a little abrupt. I like it better when there’s, like, an expatriation date – or repatriation date rather.
The other one is a little bit harder: it’s when I fire a client because I don’t feel the dynamic is working. And then the fourth one is the client fires me because they don’t feel like the dynamic is working. And… so, I guess there’s a fifth. I get sick. I have surgery, and I have to cancel all my appointments.
C: Yeah. And I think you’ve canceled appointments before – I should say I know that you have cancelled appointments before when you were too sick. Because
K: That’s rare. That’s only happened a couple of times.
C: It is rare.
K: More often than not, when I’ve had to cancel appointments, it’s because I have a client that’s actively suicidal, and I’m trying to save their life.
C: Yes.
K: And so, I’m like – client in crisis – but there’s been a couple of times when I’ve been just really… too sick. It’s rare. I usually – if I’m not contagious and it’s a lupus flare or hcp thing, I usually just
C: Well, I think when you started experiencing more severe symptoms from POTS – when you were fainting.
K: Yeah, I had one day. But that was leading up to canceling – having two months off because of my health.
C: Yes.
K: So
C: So, now the question is can you feel good enough reliably enough at the time that you would have appointments to see clients and not do them the disservice of constantly canceling?
K: Yes. And so… I’m having some cognitive issues. And having cognitive issues and higher-order functioning issues means that I am not fit to do therapy because I’ll miss things. And if I miss things, I can do harm. And so, on that respect, I know that I’m probably not gonna see clients next week.
C: Yeah. I know that you take your ethical duties very seriously.
K: Yeah. But I don’t know beyond next week. And I still don’t have all of my health answers. A big one is what does life with POTS look like for me. Because… I don’t know, like… lying in bed – the way our house is set up, I could sit in bed leaning back with pillows and such behind me and do therapy. And… I know that my regular clients would be okay with it, and new clients would adjust. Because most of my clients are in… several particular niches that I am the only therapist in Japan that can fill it. And so, like… being a former sex worker, I am the only therapist in Japan that’s a former sex worker. I’m not the only therapist in Japan that’s part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but I am the only therapist in Japan who doesn’t think that you have to know you’re trans at age 5.
C: Mhm.
K: And doesn’t believe that I can… tell somebody what their identity journey is going to be. And I feel like there’s… knowing something’s a little bit different for you than everyone else and having the space to figure that out with a therapist that doesn’t have a pre-conceived notion for what a gender or identity notion is supposed to look like… there’s not that available in Japan. And so, sex positivity, kink positivity, being part of the BDSM community, former polyamory – there’s just like a lot of… things to me that are unique. Former foster child. So, things that should have me all jacked up – and some days do jack me up – but it’s the figuring out how to work being that jacked up and function everyday that a lot of my clients value.
C: Yes. The coping techniques.
K: Yeah. And… I’ve been through a lot of them, and so, I have a lot of tools in my toolkit of stuff that just doesn’t work. And I tell clients why I think it wouldn’t be effective for them or why I do think it would be effective for them. Because some of my clients – some of the things that work for them, I’m like, “really? That’s the thing?” That’s so odd because it doesn’t work for me. So… with that out of the way… there – all of the clients that can be easily referred to someone else have already left because they couldn’t do 2 months off. So, now it’s all of the clients that need my specific unique history.
C: Your viewpoint.
K: Yeah. And… also clients that have been with me for years.
C: How much overlap is there between that? I’m not asking you to say anything about clients’ private business. Just, I’m wondering – do people tend to stay with you for years if your viewpoint is unique to them?
K: Yeah.
C: Okay. That was my assumption, but I try not to… assume too hard about anybody’s journey.
K: Well, and the client that I had for the longest… I have nothing in common with them. We share no… we have no crossover except for the fact that we both live in Japan. But other than that, we have nothing else in common. So, that’s really interesting to me.
C: That is interesting.
K: Yeah. So, they’re just there for the knowledge. They like how smart I am. They like that I research. They like that if they ask me a question, I don’t know the answer, I just say, “I don’t know. And… I’ll know next time we meet.” And they really, really value that. So… yeah. Looking down the barrel of… can I get my POTS under control… can I get my lupus under control, and can I get my hcp under control in a way that I can be cognitively present enough to do therapy? And the answer, “I don’t know” is so dissatisfying. It’s so dissatisfying. I wanna know.
C: Yeah, and I think this is different than doing things… I think having appointments, for me, I have a lot of trouble with because I don’t want to have anything at a particular time. Right now, my job – I have a lot of meetings and appointments, and I do what’s necessary to be awake during the day for those. But that means both taking my medicine at predictable times but also supplementing with energy drinks or whatever to… shift my natural sleep.
K: Yeah.
C: But I think more naturally for me, my sleep would kind of… float around. But being at 100%… isn’t something I have to do for those meetings because I take extensive notes. Somebody who’s… first diagnosed with memory problems at age 8. I have learned a lot of techniques for this. For compensating. And so, I – I’ve never had a job where I had to be 100% at every meeting. And I feel like that’s what… you need to do to do client work.
K: Yeah.
C: Is to be 100% at every appointment.
K: Yes. Cognitively. Not physically, but cognitively.
C: And you can’t just say, “oh, it’s 3 am, I’m awake. I’m going to call my client and have an appointment now.” That doesn’t work for… clients as far as I’m aware.
K: Yeah. And… post-operatively, I have a different body than I did before the surgery.
C: Yeah. And it’s supposed to fix itself. You had your gall bladder out.
K: Yeah.
C: And it’s supposed to… like, return to itself at some point.
K: Yeah.
C: But who knows when that will be.
K: Historically, that’s not my body.
C: right.
K: And then dealing with adhesions and other complications – but that’s not for this episode. I’m not there yet. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. But we are gonna do an episode where I talk about it because we talk about everything on the podcast. (laughs) And I think talking about having surgery in Japan would be interesting to folks.
C: I think so.
K: Yeah. And if not, y’all can skip the episode, but I hope you don’t.
C: Okay?
K: Ouch.
C: Okay?
K: You don’t wanna hear about my experience?
C: Don’t cut us like that.
K: Right? Dang. I’ve been cut up enough already.
C: Right?
K: Ow. So, something I’ve been thinking about that does have me excited – because, like, I have no – no idea about… like… therapy. Just none.
C: Right.
K: And…
C: So, what do you have an idea about?
K: I have an idea about the podcast and like… really getting into it. So, recently, I discovered that there – that there are a whole, like, group of magazines that are designed for people who want to move abroad. Who want to be expats and have that expat life. Like, live in a foreign country.
C: Okay.
K: And so, I totally wanna advertise the podcast in those because that’s what our podcast is all about, right? Living in a foreign country.
C: So, do those magazines depend on people actually moving abroad? Because I think that sometimes we make it sound fun here, and other times we’re like, “don’t come.”
K: (laughs)
C: I think last week, we were at “don’t come.”
K: (laughs) It was so for real. Last week was like, “you will hate it here.” I find it so weird when I’m loving Japan, we usually end up bashing it. Like, I’m – because I was not upset about anything.
C: No. No.
K: About live in Japan. But I’m like, “it’s hard. It’s so hard.”
C: Well, I find it interesting – so, I work for an Australian company. Which our Music Notes know.
K: Yeah.
C: But only my boss is Australian. None of the people who work for me are Australian. And most of my coworkers are not Australian.
K: Yeah.
C: So, I work in a company of expats, essentially.
K: Yeah.
C: And it’s interesting.
K: So, for me… I think it would be cool for the podcast because I’ve been thinking about the podcast and where we’re at. And a lot of people have started podcasts. That are just gonna bail on their podcast. So, the average podcast has about 20 episodes, and then the people give up because it’s like shouting into the void. And… it’s not
C: Well, and I think there’s kind of three categories of people right now, as far as podcasting is concerned.
K: Are you doing three because it’s my number?
C: No, I’m doing three because I think it’s three.
K: Mm. I was gonna flash you, but whatever.
C: Yeah.
K: (laughs) I’m flashing him anyways.
C: I knew the future.
K: (laughs) You saw them coming.
C: Yeah.
K: (laughs) I have this thing – I’ve always liked flashing you.
C: Yes, you have.
K: I’ve always liked randomly walking in a room and flashing you. But even before I met you, I liked to flash people. I told you it was a problem. I’m a flasher. So, not in a non-consensual way. I only flash in consensually appropriate places. Like at rock concerts and, you know, other venues.
C: The dentist, that kind of thing.
K: (laughs) I have never flashed my dentist.
C: So, I think that there are people who are doing podcasting while unemployed.
K: Yeah.
C: And I think that there are people
K: While temporarily unemployed or?
C: While temporarily unemployed. Because I think that there are people who are doing podcasting instead of employment. As their employment.
K: Okay. Yeah.
C: And I think they will continue to podcast because, if they’re making a living at it… I think they’re gonna keep doing it.
K: Yeah.
C: But I think people who said, “while I’m unemployed because of corona virus” or whatever, “I’m going to start a podcast, and if it makes me enough money, then I’ll switch to doing this as my job, but it’ll be something I’ve done…” during quarantine, during unemployment, whatever. I think most of those people are gonna find work again.
K: Yeah.
C: And quit podcasting because the third group of people who are doing podcasting while employed full-time.
K: Yeah.
C: I think is pretty small. And that’s people who are really… wanting something different from podcasting. And some of them, I think, want to make it their full-time gig, but… acknowledge the reality that you have to work a job to make money unless you have some outside source.
K: Yeah.
C: And I think some of them are just doing it because they like the podcasting stuff but don’t ever intend to make it their primary gig.
K: Why did we start podcasting?
C: We started podcasting because I didn’t like my primary job.
K: (laughs) Yeah.
C: And now I do like my primary job.
K: Yeah.
C: So, we’ve been podcasting, now, for two years. We just passed our two-year anniversary a couple of days ago.
K: Whoop, whoop.
C: And I’ve been at my new job for 18 months.
K: (laughs)
C: So, we started the podcast and like 6 months later, I found a job I liked.
K: Yeah. So… your current job is… for me, from my perspective, is like a wet dream job for you. It’s just – it’s so perfect. It has everything that you love: upward mobility in a skyrocketing dizzying pace. So, within… a year of being there, you got a promotion?
C: I think it was 14 months.
K: Okay. And… in about another six months, you’ll probably get another promotion?
C: That’s less certain, but in the future, yes.
K: So, in the next two years, there’s two more promotions for you.
C: Yes.
K: And that’s a dizzying pace. To get three promotions – to average one promotion a year. And then, at three years, looking at, you know, there might be room for another promotion or not. Or another structure that is the equivalent of a promotion but without a title change kind of thing. So, you have potentially three years of – four years – of consecutive growth. And consecutive promotions and consecutive improvement in dynamics.
C: Well, and this has been typical for me at jobs.
K: Yeah.
C: And this job, I just liked the path better. And where it leads better. But I – I find it interesting that, usually, you and I switch between one of us being stable and the other one being unstable.
K: Yes.
C: And this is our agreement that every few years we do this, so each of us have a chance to explore new things, to grow and such. And I feel like
K: Even if we have to rip it from each other’s hands.
C: Yes.
K: Like, you are so hoping I don’t go back to being a therapist. You so want me to take a rest.
C: I do.
K: And I am so like… you’re like, “it’s your turn. You could wrap your PHD so much faster.” That’s like your big selling point. “Look at all this time. Look at all you accomplished.”
C: And I have a lot of sympathy for everyone in the world as human beings. But I don’t know your clients.
K: (laughs)
C: And I do know you. And so, my sympathy naturally gravitates toward you more strongly than toward them.
K: Yeah, but you don’t have animosity towards them.
C: No, I don’t. I don’t know them from Adam, as they say.
K: You really don’t. The thing that I’m enjoying is… that… I had no idea what it was like to have evenings with you.
C: Mm.
K: Because sometimes I worked till midnight.
C: Yes.
K: And so, we don’t spend evenings together. So, we would spend like Monday evening together.
C: Yeah.
K: And we would spend Sunday together.
C: Because of the time change, I work until… mid-to-late afternoon.
K: Yeah.
C: And because of the way therapy works, you usually work from… mid-to-late morning or maybe from afternoon until either evening or until late at night depending on which time you started.
K: Yeah, and then you would take a nap, and I would come home, and you’d keep me company while I cooked, but a lot of times you’d go right back to sleep after I was done cooking.
C: Yeah.
K: Or you’d keep me company while I cooked, and if I got home on the earlier side of things, we’d watch a television show together or have like an hour together. But now I have you from like 4 to 9. Like five hours.
C: Yeah, that’s right.
K: Yeah. So, that’s a lot. I’m sorry for putting your bedtime out there. (laughs)
C: You know… it’s okay.
K: Sometimes, you’re rowdy, though, and you’ll be like – depending – if you take a late nap. Sometimes, you’ll take a late nap and be up until 1 o’clock in the morning.
C: Yeah. Because sometimes, I’ll go to sleep after work, or I’ll shift my day so that instead of taking lunch, I take off a little bit earlier, whatever.
K: Yeah. So, I’m sorry – I interrupted you. You were talking about how… you work in a company of expats, you like the upward mobility.
C: Yeah. And I think that we have this, this exchange where we trade off being stable. And I feel like I am not being stable even though it’s your turn to have the chance to do something different.
K: Yeah because my stable is “be still.”
C: Yeah.
K: Knock it off. Stop being so dynamic.
C: Okay. Stop being promoted.
K: Yes.
C: Knock it off.
K: (laughs) This was not on the schedule. (laughs)
C: Can’t you just be kinda good at your job? Good enough to keep it?
K: Yeah. So… I’ve adjusted to that, and… that’s always something – whenever you start working at a company, that’s always hard. The quick ascension because you always… you like do a really good job of selling that you don’t want to be a manager. And you sell the shit out of it to like everybody in the company, and me, and then… a management opportunity usually opens up around your one-year anniversary for whatever reason. Not because of you, but just like
C: Right.
K: The dynamic of the working world, right?
C: Yes.
K: And… so, then you step into that position, and then when they see you in that position and you do good, they’re like, “hey, there’s these other opportunities” kind of thing. And… you’re always down for like, “cool. I love opportunity.”
C: I do. Not just the Mars Rover, but the other kind too.
K: And so, another aspect about doing therapy is… I’ve been very, very open and transparent with everybody int eh world – everybody who gets to know me knows that I want to leave Japan every August.
C: Yes.
K: And like, honestly be gone from like August 1st until like August 331st. Like, August 1st to September 1st.
C: Well, and we can’t travel right now because of border restrictions and things.
K: Yeah.
C: But my job has said, “oh. We would love you to be in Australia for August.” Where the weather is relatively nice at that time of year.
K: Yeah. So, I’m thinking of like, leaving, you know… July 30th and coming back September 1st. Like, seriously being gone the entire month of August. Not spending a single day of August in Japan. It is the hottest month, and most humid month, of the year. And September is still really hot and humid, but it has those like… cool breaks every now and then.
C: Yeah, like this will eventually end.
K: Yeah. And I can go to one of my favorite tattoo destinations – like, my fantasy tattoo destination is Auckland in New Zealand. They have such a strong tattoo culture, and some of the best tattoo artists in the world, and I wanna do full – cover both of my legs fully in tattoos. I’ve talked about it before. And get my tattoo refreshed and everything. And if we were spending a month in Australia every year, it would be really simple for us – for me to just pop over to New Zealand for a couple of days and get a tattoo because you don’t need to do anything.
C: Right.
K: And on the weekend, you could pop over with me.
C: Just take a quick jaunt.
K: Yeah, just you know. And so, that really appeals to me. And I guess if I was doing therapy, I could do remote therapy because the time change.
C: Yeah, I don’t see how that aspect would be different.
K: Yeah, the time change isn’t that different. We’re not due to be vaccinated until probably, like… realistically, until Winter of 2021.
C: Yeah. It is so… it changes. Like, the Health and Human Services secretary, basically the Japanese equivalent, had come out and said, I think, back in March, “we’re gonna offer you a choice of vaccines, you can choose which one you get.”
K: Yeah.
C: And then, like a
K: A choice of three vaccines.
C: Yeah. And then a month later, one of the other ministers came out and said, “that minister is lying. There is no choice. You will be told what yo are getting. We are sorry for telling this awful, awful lie.”
K: Yeah. And then another minister came out and said, “those ministers were both confused.”
C: Right.
K: And then each prefectural governor has had their say, and even city mayors are weighing in. And so, there’s a lot of just… confused information about it. And… you know, here it is summer, and you know… still no postcard. And I have no idea when we’re gonna get it. And then, too, looking at what’s going down in Australia – I don’t think they’re gonna be open for us to go even if we have
C: No, I think this is not gonna happen this year.
K: Yeah. Because Australia said they don’t care about – so, Japan is doing vaccine passports. Where if you have the – if you’ve been vaccinated, you can come into Japan. But… I don’t know, like – I don’t know the details of it. Don’t trust me on that.
C: You still have to have a negative VCR test and such.
K: Yeah. It’s a whole thing. You have to look it up. Don’t – y’all know.
C: And it changes day to day.
K: We are not an informational podcast.
C: So, back in April – I get news about Australian visa stuff because I work for an Australian company. Back in April
K: What do you mean you get Australian news because you work at an Australian company?
C: Because
K: I get Australian news.
C: But I don’t get it from the Australian news: I’m saying the company passes on
K: Oh, okay. (laughs) I’m like, “news people are not contacting you from Australia.”
C: No.
K: (laughs)
C: The company passes on government advisories about travel and that sort of thing.
K: Yeah.
C: And in April, they opened to… the border with New Zealand. And both countries said, “but if there are any cases, we are shutting the borders, and we won’t care if you are stuck in the wrong country.”
K: Yes.
C: And I think that’s very much gonna be the attitude of many countries for quite a while.
K: So, I had a lot of clients – not a lot – I had a few clients that left as soon as they could. As soon as they got their Australian passport or date. So, Australia was doing like this weird raffle thing, and I helped a couple of my clients get back to Australia for mental health reasons. And… I still work with them, so I don’t see how it would be different for me working with
C: It’s only an hour’s difference during the summer.
K: Yeah. And I have clients in the United States and clients in the U.K.
C: Yes.
K: So, I manage to work those out, so
C: You make those times work.
K: Yeah. (grunts) I had to do a body shift. I’m totally changing the noise. But… what would the podcast be if Kisstopher wasn’t squishing and moving her body around? I don’t know what that would be like. Have I ever done a podcast where I didn’t, like, have to adjust myself?
C: No. And you would have accused me of poisoning you with a paralytic agent if you didn’t adjust yourself.
K: (laughs)
C: You’d be like, “I am not adjusting myself. What have you done to me?”
K: (laughs) Yeah because I have to move a lot. But they’re not big movements, they’re just like tiny movements.
C: Yeah.
K: And now having POTS is like – I really, seriously, when I have to change my body’s position it’s like, “change your body’s position or faint.”
C: Or we will change it for you.
K: Yes. (laughs) And our beds, now – having elevated beds, I’m terrified of falling off the bed. We slept on like… six inches of bedding between us and the floor with our beds right next to each other for…
C: More than ten years.
K: Yeah. Over a decade. And so, like… I would roll over onto your bed for things because we had different mattresses. And now, I just feel like I’m perched up on a ledge, and I’m gonna fall off any minute. Sometimes, I wake up and I ask you, “did I fall off the bed last night?” And you’re like, “no.”
C: You only fell off a couple of times in the first week we had the bed.
K: Yes. Yes. Because I was (laughs) because I was getting off it like I used to get off the bed when it was on the floor.
C: Yeah.
K: And that is I would stand on the bed and walk off the edge.
C: Yes.
K: And I scrubbed like… I – I totally biffed it that one time when I missed the step.
C: I was surprised that your knee did not scar up.
K: Me too because it was just like gushing blood. Tagged my knee. It was horrible. And I was like, “don’t do it, Chad.” You’re like, “I haven’t been.” I’m like, “but don’t do it, Chad.”
C: (laughs)
K: “It’s a bad idea.” You’re like, “I thought it was a bad idea when you were doing it.”
C: Right?
K: “But babe, seriously.”
C: I had a bunk bed with no railing when I was a kid, so
K: What? Ugh. Childhood neglect. Childhood neglect. That’s neglectful.
C: what? You’re saying my childhood was neglectful?
K: I think it’s against the law – yes. I think it’s against the law now.
C: Yeah, I think it is now.
K: So, yeah. But I had a slip’n’slide that I loved.
C: Those are still not against the law.
K: What? They’re not still selling them.
C: You can still buy a roll of plastic and squirt a hose on it.
K: But you can’t buy a slip’n’slide.
C: You can still buy the slip’n’slide with a little hoop at the end with the gator teeth to go through.
K: What?
C: Yup.
K: Ohh. I don’t think so. But y’all know we don’t google. But I’m gonna YouTube it – because I do YouTube. I’m gonna YouTube slip’n’slide because that’ll be hilarious to watch. So, I don’t know why I loved the slip’n’slide, but I did. I loved the slip’n’slide.
C: I’m not sure. I didn’t ever have a slip’n’slide, but I knew people who did, and… it was kinda fun.
K: The whole neighborhood loved our slip’n’slide. Like, people we were not friends with would come and stand in line to go on our slip’n’slide.
C: And would you do things to them because you were not friends with them? Like put rocks underneath it or what?
K: (laughs) No. No.
C: Okay.
K: But one of my brothers always went first, which I though was a strange choice to be the first one on the slip’n’slide. That’s the most dangerous one to do because, like – we’re kids. We’re not looking for sprinklers, we’re not looking for rocks. Like, we don’t clean underneath it and make it safe. We just pit it on the side of the hill. And then… you know, let it be where you may. Let it go where it may.
C: Yeah.
K: So, I remember – I don’t – I remember being on the slip’n’slide and… getting up and running into a concrete wall because I got up, ran up the hill, and I had so much momentum that I ran into the wall to get in line. And then I was like, “I don’t wanna tell mom.” Because my mom was home. “I don’t wanna tell mom. She won’t let me slip’n’slide.” I was so obsessed with it and crying. My mom was like, “you have a concussion. You can’t go on the slip’n’slide.”
C: You were like, “see? I knew it.”
K: Yes.
C: If I tell her, I can’t go.
K: Yes. So, that was really traumatic. (laughs) That was one of the least traumatic things. But I was just – I don’t know. So, we’re talking about the future, but I’m thinking about the past, and now I’m just obsessed with thoughts of the slip’n’slide.
C: So, how does the trauma of being barred from a slip’n’slide affect your desire for things in the future?
K: I don’t want to be denied anything. I want it all.
C: Okay.
K: I want everything. Like, what do I wanna do? I want everything.
C: You want the world; you want the whole world.
K: Yes.
C: Give it to you now.
K: Yes. You know I am Verruca Salt.
C: Yes, I do.
K: You know I love the Verruca Salt of it all. My favorite character. I just love it. And I just look at you, and I’m like, “I’m feeling very Verruca Salt today.”
C: Yes.
K: It doesn’t change my behavior.
C: No, but you’re feeling it. You’re finally acknowledging the basic, fundamental Verruca Salt-ness of it.
K: Yes. It’s my bar of chocolate.
C: Yes. And sometimes, you are feeling the fantasy. Sometimes you are feeling the Verruca Salt.
K: Yes. But I never have a French Vanilla fantasy. That’s only for Valentina.
C: Yes.
K: But I do get… I do get as much in my fantasy as Valentina gets into hers. “This is not fitting my narrative. This is not fitting my fantasy.”
C: Mhm.
K: Because that’s one of my favorite lines ever. “This is not fitting my French Vanilla fantasy.” And I was like, “that is so awesome.”
C: (laughs)
K: Like, the flavor and everything. I was like, yes. This is not fitting my mocha – what do I – what’s my drink from Starbucks?
C: Your drink from Starbucks is an issue. That’s what your drink is.
K: (laughs) It’s rare that I have Starbucks, but when I do I get a mocha Frappuccino.
C: Yeah. But they don’t actually have a mocha Frappuccino, which is why it’s an issue.
K: Yes. So, the mocha Frappuccino, I believe I invented it because…
C: They used to have it.
K: Over 20 years ago
C: Yes.
K: We went to a little donut shop, and they never had it, and when we would go into Starbucks – we’ve talked about this before.
C: We have talked about this before.
K: “If you have mocha, if you have coffee, and you have ice.”
C: And a blender.
K: “And a blender. You can make this beverage.” And they were so pissed, and I’m like, “you’re going to make this beverage.” And they’re like, “I don’t want to.” And I’m like – I just made a face. The face that says, “you’re going to.”
C: No, that face makes a lot of sound on the microphones.
K: (laughs)
C: I was watching the meter.
K: So, okay, I’ve said like my fantasy of like – I think I wanna be a podcaster.
C: Right.
K: I think I wanna do that. Not sure what’s going on in the therapy front. I’ve been toying with the idea of writing some fiction.
C: Uh-huh.
K: I don’t know. I don’t know about writing the fiction. I’ll see how I feel about it. I kinda have a story that’s been kicking around in my head, but I don’t know if it’s a story or a memory.
C: That’s a tricky one.
K: Yeah. But here’s the thing: everybody in the memory’s dead.
C: Well, and you can’t sue for libel on behalf of dead people. Or slander.
K: And if I change the names, I’m like one of the few people who know the story.
C: The story. Yeah, people aren’t gonna be like, “ahah. That was Frederick.”
K: Yeah. So, I’m like, “should I write it up” – but I don’t know the whole story, so I feel like maybe it is like a story. Because I know the beginning. I don’t know how it ended.
C: And you could make up the other parts, and then it would be a story.
K: Yeah. Isn’t that what most writers do? (laughs)
C: Yeah. You can say it’s based on real events.
K: Yeah. I could. Isn’t that what you do?
C: That is what I do, yes.
K: Because you’re currently – can I say the character of your next book? I think we’ve said it before.
C: Yeah – we’ve said it before, yeah.
K: A non-binary dragon.
C: Yes.
K: So, that’s totally based on
C: And just to be clear, I have never been a dragon.
K: Yeah. No, you have to say, “I’m not a dragon.”
C: Yeah.
K: “I’m here, in person. I’m not a dragon.”
C: Yeah.
K: You have to hijack the “I’m not a cat.”
C: Yeah. I’m not a dragon.
K: (laughs) That was so awesome. A couple weeks back, I had the best conversation on Twitter about, “I am not a cat” and how we believe that dude is actually a cat. Because isn’t that what a cat would say?
C: That is exactly what a cat would say.
K: A cat would say, I’m not a cat.” And so, like, I was cool thinking, “okay, this is a human” until he said, “I’m not a cat.” And then I’m like, “busted. You’re a cat.”
C: Okay? Methinks thou doth protest too much.
K: Yes. So, what do you want your future to be like? Are you excited about, in 2022, being able to go to Australia for a month? I mean, what’s your fantasy? Are you happy with, like
C: I am excited about
K: The goal of three promotions in three years…
C: That I think is less important. I am excited about work. I like working. I’ve always liked working.
K: Mhm.
C: I haven’t always liked my job, so those are two distinct things for me.
K: Mhm.
C: At the moment, I like work, and I like my job.
K: Mm.
C: And they’re doing the same thing. So, I work in the data space. And it’s
K: What does that mean? “I work in the data space.”
C: There’s a lot of different jobs that involve data.
K: Yeah. And there’s a data space?
C: Yes. There is a data space.
K: Okay, our one friend – you know you’re lovely – but y’all been talking tech. I can tell.
C: I have several friends. Thank you very much.
K: Yeah, but I think one in particular encourages you to say things like “the data space.”
C: No, I have several friends who encourage me to say this.
K: (laughs) Stop it.
C: Because they’re good friends.
K: (laughs) Stop it. I know who you are. (laughs)
C: I say the data space because “data field” is like something you fill in on an Excel chart. “I work in a data field.” Like, “I work in cell E3 of the file.” No. That’s why Is ay I work in the data space.
K: Okay. I’m with you.
C: Okay. So, I’ve done a lot of different jobs in it. Going back to the 90s.
K: Yeah.
C: And it’s one of my favorite things to do because it lets me think, but I can structure it to be relatively low… pressure. And… I just enjoy doing my job.
K: Wait. Say that last sentence again?
C: I can structure it to be relatively low pressure. Compared to what it would be if I did not structure it to be that way.
K: Uh-huh.
C: I don’t have a pager. I’m not on call. This is relatively low pressure.
K: Uh-huh.
C: For me, it is.
K: Oh, you aren’t gonna go the full fantasy of, “I never work overtime” bladyblah? Because it – you’ve been working lots of overtime, to be frank.
C: No. I don’t want to be Frank.
K: (laughs)
C: I want to be me.
K: To be Chad, you have been working overtime.
C: Yes. Yes.
K: You’re really good at not having the people you manage not work overtime, but you’re not so good at not working overtime yourself.
C: Yes.
K: And I think that’s kind of like a manager thing.
C: Yeah, I think so.
K: Because, when stuff happens, that’s kind of the gig, right? You know, to deal with it.
C: Yeah.
K: Like if it happens at night or it happens on the weekend.
C: So, I think tis is what I want to keep doing. Is working my job. And I have… a couple of books done. More that I’m working on finishing.
K: Yeah.
C: So, probably still keep publishing books every few years.
K: Yeah.
C: But not as my main thing.
K: So, I think that if you like… I don’t know, structured your day a little bit differently, you could probably publish one book a year.
C: Yeah, I could.
K: (laughs) Oh, see. When I was giving you a facial about your jokes not being funny, you totally just gave me a facial about you writing and publishing books once a year.
C: Well, maybe it’ll be true in the future.
K: Maybe it’ll be two in the future?
C: True in the future.
K: Oh, truly in the future.
C: Yeah.
K: So, you can’t see it yet.
C: I can’t see it yet.
K: Because it’s moving too quickly, or it’s too far.
C: It’s too far.
K: Okay. So, it doesn’t matter how quickly it moves. It just matters the distance?
C: Yes. The theory of relativity says that you can’t exceed the speed of light, and so even if it’s moving really quickly and I’m moving in a different direction, it looks different.
K: No, they had that particle.
C: No, they found that was a measurement error.
K: I’m gonna look that up.
C: You should look that up because how they
K: Because you know I’m obsessed with the future particle.
C: Yeah. You should look that up. They found it was a measurement error. Which is what everybody had expected. They had done the basic tests, and then they did further tests and announced it had been their mistake, which was the right and responsible thing to do.
K: Yeah.
C: But not everybody caught the follow-up.
K: But everybody’s talking about – okay, I shouldn’t say everyone. I’m watching a show that was filmed in 2016.
C: Okay, yeah, I think that was probably in the gap between the
K: Yeah. They’re talking about the future particle, and I love the idea of a particle that like… was faster than the speed of light and faster than time. And existed in the future and like time traveled.
C: There’s a thing called quantum tunneling that technically can technically exceed the speed of light sometimes, and not persistently, and it’s a whole thing.
K: So, kind of bringing it back to the future thing and wrapping us up for this week, it… it was rumbling around in my brain because last week it was like how do you live your best life as an expat. And the reason why we have all these choices is because we have permanent residency.
C: Yes.
K: So, you don’t really get to choose your life as an expat until you get permanent residency. And… it’s different in every country. So, in Japan, it’s permanent residency or a spousal visa or… a long-term resident visa. Or – what’s that other visa?
C: Special permanent resident?
K: Yeah. So, there are a lot of different specialty visas that allow you to do whatever you want while you’re in the country. We didn’t have any of those.
C: No.
K: So, now we’ve had permanent residency for a little while now, and we’re able to pick and choose what we do. And that… is a big part of it because we’re off the visa hustle, and I’m kinda reflecting: what does that mean? What do I want to do? Like, that’s really – the bottom line is not just what I physically can do, but what do I want to do? And I don’t know.
C: Yeah. It’s a tough thing. It is not as tough as being in survival mode, but when you come out of survival mode… acting as though you are still there is very alluring. And I think we’ll probably talk about this more in another podcast, but… it really still feels treacherous to not act as though we’re in survival mode.
K: Not for me. For me, it’s, “I can do anything” and that’s too many choices.
C: Mm. Okay. Yeah.
K: I have choice fatigue.
C: I can understand that. We should talk about that another time.
K: Yeah. So, we hope that you choose to follow us on over to the take two. And we hope that you choose to be a patron for just
C: I don’t want you to have choice fatigue, so follow us over to Patreon.
K: (laughs)
C: If you are not a patron, become one, and then listen to the take two.
K: Yeah. Two bucks a month and you get the take two. And we’re still doing the series on publishing and Cinnabar Moths’ journey. And this week, we’re gonna be talking about genre.
C: Yes.
K: And why it matters.
C: It’s gonna be a good time.
K: Yeah. It’s gonna be good. So, if you’re not a patron, that’s still cool. We’re happy that you’re still a lovely Music Note. And… if we don’t see you in the take two, we hope to talk to you next week.
C: Bye.
K: Bye.
Leave a Reply