I have a lot of pet peeves. I have been reflecting on them lately because I am wondering if it is time to learn how to deconstruct them because if one is set off, it can tank my mood for a few days. I’m thinking this is not a good thing. One of them is HCP related, and that is I cannot tolerate food substitutions. If I am expecting to eat something, that is the thing I need to eat. It is really specific. For example, I cannot substitute shoe string potatoes for crinkle cut potatoes, but I can substitute steak fries for crinkle cut. Because Japan has rotating stock and randomly discontinues things that have been available for years, this makes grocery shopping very difficult. In the US, I could count on certain things always being available, such as cream of mushroom soup. Japan stocked cream of mushroom and cream of chicken soup for about 10 years, and then one day just stopped selling those two flavors of soups. So if I want to make a casserole or have soup and a sandwich for lunch I am out of luck.  I find this infuriating and it makes me want to leave Japan which is a complete overreaction emotionally. I feel angry and trapped when something I want is not available and none of the substitutions are available to me.

This time of year it feels really out of hand. My cravings for a taste of home are multiplied and recently, Japan banned the importation of canned meat from the US. This means that I can no longer import chili from the US, and I am going to have to find a substitution for this, and I just don’t know how. I guess I could just learn how to make chili from scratch. The amount of frustration I feel about not being able to buy zucchini is over the top. I don’t know why I am so aggro about food, but lately it has been getting worse. Perhaps because I had a really bad HCP attack, and it is taking me months to get over it. I want to get better at post-attack processing and emotional comedown. There is a lot of lingering frustration, fear, and anxiety. It makes me wonder if I will have the food available to me that I need to recover and function. So as you probably already guessed, I am having food cravings that are being unsatisfied and really just don’t know what to do. I know I have been a bit aggro in my recent blog posts, and I am hoping that will change soon. My HCP is still running things and it is going to take awhile for me to fully heal and stabilize my emotions. Thank you for bearing with me.