American politics have been really getting me down. They are so divisive and fear-mongering that it makes it impossible to feel positively about the US. It has also made it clear to me that I will never live in the US again, which is sad because I love being American. Standing in this truth has been painful. There is a lot about living in the US that I miss. The main thing is cultural diversity. Japan is very homogeneous. I can go an entire day in Japan and not see another visible foreigner, and I can go weeks without seeing another black person. I miss the culture of the US. I also miss a lot of superficial things, like shopping and food. I feel torn in that I know the US needs people who want to go beyond political rhetoric and division. I know that things do not get better if everyone who is dissatisfied leaves. I feel that I am not doing my part by never going back, but I simply cannot get myself to return and fight those battles. I am still politically active and I do engage in online activism, but that is all I have the energy and ability to do. It is not just politics that have solidified my opinion, it is also healthcare.

I have two chronic illnesses that require regular medical care and medication.  I currently have five different medications I take on a regular basis. Three of the five, I take every day. I see two different specialists once a month. Because my US medical insurance has been lapsed for about a decade, all of my conditions would “pre-existing.” So while I say not living in the US is my choice because of the dismal state of politics and women’s rights, the reality is that I am in medical exile. My truth is that I can’t afford to live in the US. I simply do not have the funds necessary to pay for my medical care. I stay politically active and hope this will not always be the case, because sadly I am not the exception to the rule. Most Americans can’t afford to meet their basic medical needs. It makes me sad when I think about the state of healthcare, education, and women’s rights in the US. I feel like America has broken its promise to all Americans. I don’t see how we can say there is liberty for all when people are dying because they do not have access to insulin. It makes me sad to think that I will be in medical exile the rest of my life, though I am happy that I live in a country I enjoy.  I know how fortunate I am and wish that everyone had access to affordable healthcare.