Recently I have been communicating more with people I have met on social media. Some of them I even talk with on the phone, and they all live outside of Japan. The thing they comment on the most is how “Japanese” my thinking seems to them. This seems so weird to me because I see myself as American and completely on the outside of Japanese culture. I think of myself as an outsider, and the Japanese would tell you readily that I am an outsider. This is weird to me because I am having to face my own “Japaneseness” while simultaneously explore how I feel about being on the outside. I find when it comes to my otherness I rather enjoy it because of the free pass it gives me on many of the things I do not enjoy about Japanese culture or simply do not understand about Japanese culture. There are also the traditions that are falling by the wayside that I get to be more “modern” than my age would allow me to be. For example, I do not have to send New Years’ cards because I am a foreigner, but this is a custom that is falling by the wayside. I also am never expected to speak and can choose to simply not “understand” any Japanese that would make things difficult.

However, I do have some “Japanese” cultural understandings ingrained in me. The biggest being how to understand when a person is saying “no”. In Japan, in my experience, it is rare that a Japanese person will say “no.” Instead a person may cock their head to the side, suck their breath through their teeth, say an extended “mmmmmmmm,” or say “that might be difficult.” They also say “maybe,” “I’m not sure,” “I have never done this before,” or “it may not be possible.” Rarely do they ever simply say “no.” That means for me when a non-Japanese person says “maybe” or takes time to consider, I hear “no”. This is driving my new non-Japanese peeps a bit wild with everything from confusion to exasperation. It has me wondering how to make international friends. I don’t feel Japanese. In my practice, my clients perceive me as fully American and I spend the majority of my day explaining differences between cultures. I think I could benefit from understanding where my Japanese understanding begins and ends and give more warning. I will be reflecting on this over the nest few weeks, so don’t be surprised if this shows up in my tweets. Or doesn’t.