Are you getting the love you deserve? Most people do not consider whether their loving relationships are giving them the love they deserve. This is just not something we typically contemplate. Do your love relationships (this includes family, friends, and romantic partners) provide you with evidence of being loved? What constitutes evidence of being love is deeply personal to each of us. When considering whether your love relationships make you feel loved, I find it helpful to break them down into two parts. The first part is this: Do the people in your love relationships do actions that make you feel loved, happy and secure? The second part is this: Do you think they are trying to make you feel loved?

Because everyone is different regarding what makes them feel loved, it is possible that people in our lives are taking actions that represent love without actually making us feel loved. The most common side-effects of not being loved in ways that make us feel loved are loneliness and dissatisfaction. The easiest way to fix this is to contemplate what would make you feel loved and then ask for it. For some, this will not be a simple task. Sometimes we struggle to ask for what we need because we do not believe we can get it. This point of doubt is where knowing whether you believe the people in your love relationships want to love you and are trying to take actions that make you feel loved is helpful.

When we are secure about the people in our love relationships, it becomes easier to ask for what we need. Not being able to ask for what we need is a sign of distrust. In a love relationship, it is a sign of not trusting the love exchange. An inability to trust the love exchange can arise from several sources. It may be a byproduct of previous pain. It may be a reflection of doubt that the people in your love relationship want you to feel loved. Overcoming these obstacles requires an understanding of the love you deserve and want. Just as everyone feels loved in different ways, people have different notions regarding the type of love they want and deserve. For some, these are intertwined. For others, they are completely separate things. Once you know how you define the love you deserve, you can take the steps to get your love needs met.