I recently did a really thorough cleaning of my house. With help from my mother to get things really spotless, I realized that cleanliness isn’t just about cleaning up after yourself. It’s also about living in a way that makes it easy for you to not make a mess to begin with. For a long time, I didn’t really pay much attention to how messy my house was, as long as it was within a certain limit. I didn’t leave food out to rot or anything too terrible, but it wasn’t as clean as it is now. And I didn’t realize at the time, but the dirtiness of my house was negatively impacting my self-esteem. Now, with my house clean, I realize that it was a small part of me feeling like I didn’t take care of things properly. As a result, while I was still confident overall, it left me feeling less motivated to take proper care about myself when it came to eating regularly and other personal needs. It also led to me feeling a bit more stressed and overwhelmed by my life, since there was this undertone in my environment telling me that I wasn’t doing everything. Because I wasn’t: my house was dirty, and I was doing nothing about it.

Now, with a clean house, it is a completely different experience. I still wake up with the normal pain from my lupus and porphyria, but it’s just that pain. I can feel the difference in having rearranged and cleaned my house. I feel like cooking more often, and I’m being experimental with my food. This was something I had always said to myself I wanted to do, but I had never really done it. I recognize now that, since my house was messy, I didn’t feel confident to explore something that might make more of a mess. On top of that, if I was already failing at being clean, how could I have a successful experimental cooking adventure? I had sabotaged myself, mentally, before I had even begun. While cleaning, I also rearranged my house to make more sense. My clothes are all in one room instead of being split across two rooms, for example. These small changes have helped me feel like I’m really living in my home, and the organization helps keep things clean. The system makes sense to me, even if it wouldn’t make sense to someone else. I’m feeling much happier with a clean house, and I would suggest to everyone that if you’re feeling down, take some time to show yourself that you care. Love yourself a bit better by making your environment truly comfortable. Don’t let yourself settle for average when you can embrace your excellence.