Anyone who follow us on twitter @themusicks or reads this blog knows that Chad and I are both disabled. Recently on twitter I saw a conversation about the difference between being disabled and being chronically ill. As a psychologist, for me disability means that it impairs your daily functions and there are chronic illnesses that do not impair daily functioning, but I struggle to think of one. Another thing about me is that I am a big supporter of inclusivity. For me, a major part of inclusivity is that I do not police the identity of others. If a person who is chronically ill chooses to identify as disabled, that is their right. If a person who is disabled chooses to identify as chronically ill, so be it. I live and let live. I think it is far more important that people are comfortable in their skin. I get those who argue that there are not enough opportunities and benefits available to the disabled or chronically ill to allow people who don’t fit the strictest definition of disabled or chronically ill, that the communities cannot afford to be generous and allow those in who do not belong. I also get that living in Japan, I am very privileged in that I have affordable health care. I also get that owning my own business I am also privileged in that I can take time off when I need to, for the most part. What you may not know is that my son inherited lupus and HCP from me and chooses to identify as having two chronic illnesses but does not identify as chronically ill or disabled.

It is a challenge for me that my son does not identify as chronically ill or disabled because I view him as both, just as I view myself as both. He views himself as having two chronic conditions. There is a large population of those who were born with a chronic illness that prefer to call it a condition. They do not view themselves as ill or disabled. They view themselves as living with a condition that can make certain things more difficult for them to cope with, achieve, or do. That their condition may also require lifestyle adaptations and increased medical care. These terms that we fight over, I feel like when we are fighting for our own definitions that it is valid to fight. I have to be honest and say when we start to fight about how others can define themselves, it feels like fear and anger. This may be ignorance on my part, but it is my lived experience. I remain open to developing a new understanding, just like I was open when my son decided to define himself as living with two chronic health conditions. The reason I think policing others’ identities comes from a fearful or angry place is because I do not see what is gained by controlling how another person defines themselves.  I find that the older I get the less energy I have to put into worrying about things that do not directly affect me. I find that on a day-to-day basis, most people’s identities and adjectives do not impact me. Again I say openly that this might just be my own ignorance.