Sometimes having several chronic illnesses can lead to bad weeks or even months. Both of my illnesses come with a sensitivity to the sun, which means that generally speaking July and August are hard months for me health-wise. I have hereditary coproporphyria (HCP) and Lupus. With my HCP comes personality changes that make my job especially hard. Being a therapist requires oodles of patience and calm, which are the two things that HCP robs me of. It requires me to dig deep into reserves I don’t always have. I do my best to schedule in a way that supports my ability to remain calm, but I don’t always succeed and sometimes I lose my cool. I’m not proud of it, but I am human. I always explain what happened, but it is always an ugly feeling. What makes matters worse is that lupus makes me exhausted emotionally and physically. This fatigue complicates things. I find it difficult to cope with clients who are stuck, because I do not have all of my faculties. It is humbling to admit that I do not know how much longer I will be able to do my job.

July and August are hopeless months for me because it is two solid months of being ill all day every day. I am fortunate in that I am able to sit in rooms that do not have direct sunlight in them. At home I have double curtains. I also get a ride to and from work. These two months of illness scare me every year. It is right about now that I begin to wonder if I will ever be well again. The HCP makes my blood feel corrosive, creating the sensation of being dissolved, and the lupus enflames everything, creating the sensation of bursting, and both cause pain everywhere. They both come with mental issues. I feel as though I am unraveling. It is kind of scary being this real about how sick I really am. It is scary admitting that I am disabled and don’t know how much longer I can be a therapist. That is why we are podcasting because hopefully I can transition to podcasting fulltime and accommodate my illness. My hope is that I can podcast fulltime and make enough to live off of. I am really having a rough time of things health-wise and want to be in a place where I do more than survive the summer.