When we decided to do the podcast, one of the things we seriously considered was how open we should be.  We quickly came to the conclusion that the only way we could do the podcast was to be 100% open about who we are. We also felt it was important to be open about everything, including our past. Everyone in our family is an open book and our son already knows our past. What I was unprepared for was how positively our openness would be received. I have to honestly say I expected a lot more judgement and hate. It is quite humbling how accepting and judgement-free everyone has been. I do my best to be responsible and our son gave us the go-ahead for every topic we wanted to cover and listens to the podcast every week. He has never once said anything negative about any of things we have talked about. This has been another really nice surprise. I came to terms with my past a long time ago and what it meant to be a mom after sex work and foster care and decided back then to always be open and honest with my son about who I am and my past.

Something I was not prepared for was how defensive it would make Chad feel. To be clear, he is 100% ok with how open we are being but some of his truths he is telling for the first time and that’s scary. Coming out as abused and talking about abuse is hard, and I am so proud of him for all the good work he has done to open up about his past. He knows I think anyone who shares their truth is incredibly brave. Chad was raised in a culture of secrets, shame, and attacks on people’s character for the smallest things. He has never been ashamed of me, but he has felt protective/defensive about me. Growing up in foster care meant that a lot of people knew a lot of very personal things about me and a secret was a rare thing. Because most people in foster care are hurt and damaged, that meant that it was impossible to truly trust anyone to keep a secret, so I learned just not to have any. I think because of this it has been a lot easier for me than for Chad to talk about my past. What has scared me is talking about my present and my happiness. I’m always afraid someone will come and take away whatever is making me happy. If feels good to finally be in a place where my happiness comes from me, and that means no one can take it away.