A major part of getting and keeping the love we deserve is being secure in the knowledge that we deserve love. This means being secure in ourselves and who we are. Trusting our own judgment creates security and builds positive self-esteem. Learning how to trust ourselves begins with gathering objective facts.  One thing that is true about everyone who is alive is that they did not make any choices that ended their life. This reflects an ability to make good choices at some level. Human beings cannot survive without making at least some choices that result in living. Being alive is an objective fact, meaning that you must have made at least some good choices.

Reflecting on our life and looking for the positives to help us develop the ability to trust ourselves is about gathering objective evidence of good decisions. A good decision is not always the one that gets us what we want. Some good decisions merely prevent things from getting worse. There is tremendous value in preventing things from getting worse. All self-initiated profound change comes with the decision to make changes.  If you feel that your life holds no evidence that you can make good decisions, now is the time to make the choice to change this.

Once the choice to trust yourself is made, then it becomes easier to start engaging in actives that build trust of self. A good activity for building trust of self is to make decisions without consulting with others. These decisions should be about things do not impact or obligate others (for example, don’t commit others to actions without consulting them). This is also a good way to reflect on how much you trust yourself. The greater the trust you have in yourself, the easier this task will be. I always suggest that if an activity cause too much pain, stopping the activity is best. For example, if you do not trust yourself at all, then this task may cause pain and trigger self-sabotaging behaviors. If this happens, I strongly recommend that you stop. If you are unable to complete this task, it is an indication that there are deeper issues at play and you may want to consult a mental healthcare provider to support you while identifying, exploring, and deconstructing those issues.