K 

So lately I’ve been thinking about the things that I actually really enjoy about America. I feel like last week, I was like really hard on the US. But it hurt my heart: some things that happened that really hurt my heart. And when those types of things happen, I get really angry at America. And, you know, we keep it real, just what it is. But there are some things I really love about the United States. What about you?

C 

Yeah, there are things that I love. And I actually miss.

K 

Yeah, there are some things I miss too. And this is not going to be a shocker to anybody. I miss all the food. I just miss every, every kind of food. Because here. So for me, I have a thing about textures. And authentic Chinese food has – a lot of it has a really mucousy texture. And I just can’t do that. It’s just not for me. Not all of it, but a lot of it. And in the United States – the the dim sum in Japan versus the dim sum in the United States. The Chinese Japanese fusion is just I don’t know, I just I can’t understand it.

C 

Well, in Japan is close enough to that they don’t just do Chinese generally, they’ll do like Japanese Shanghai, fusion, or Japanese Hong Kong fusion or.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And Japanese food is very regional too. It’s not a monolith. I think there’s only that one kind that mainstream, like non Chinese owned restaurants in the US all have the same view.

K 

Like I think I like specifically South Bay, California, South Bay, Northern California, South Bay, Chinese food. I do not enjoy the Chinese food in San Francisco.

C 

Yeah.

K 

So I do enjoy the Chinese food in it, the East Bay, but it’s a Afro Chinese fusion. And I really dig that, because I like soul food. And I also like African food a lot. And so it’s really cool to have like, soul food and African food mixed with Chinese food. The take on it is really interesting, because I was surprised at how similar a lot of Chinese and African foods are in terms of flavor profile. But not texture profile. So I don’t know it’s really interesting. So yeah, I really miss the US food. Just I miss food.

C 

And I think specifically that San Francisco Bay Area, the variety there. Like I don’t

K 

So, my favorite restaurant is in San Francisco. So I miss Cha Cha Chas.

C 

Yeah, I’m saying like, where I grew up in Fairbanks. I don’t think you’d miss the food from there. Because it’s all just very much like, Denny’s level. There are a couple of good restaurants but nothing we can’t get here. I think what we could get in, in San Jose and that area was we could say okay, tonight we want to have you know, Ethopian food. Really in the mood for some, some samosa.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And tonight we want to have, you know, Chinese food or tonight we want to have sushi or like whatever we’re in the mood for is available. And here, even when we feel comfortable going out it’s very limited.

K 

Well and two, the – it’s very different because like the Korean barbecue doesn’t have any of the heat. So there’s no spicy if I feel like the Korean barbecue here is really bland.

C 

It is. Yeah.

K 

That’s an offer that has different cuts of meat. I really enjoy.

C 

I feel like the Korean barbecue here, which is mostly Japanese owned doesn’t have the variety of kimchi that the place that we went to in California had. Where there were like, different kimchis available to put with it. Different things, so…. I didn’t like it until I tried it there. And I was like, Ooh, authentic. Korean kimchi is good. I don’t like

K 

It’s really good.

C 

Yeah.

K 

So the first time we ever had authentic kimchi, was when we flew on a Korean Air airplane.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And we were feeling like all excited going to Korea so we’re like, we’ll have the Korean menu please. And then I had like authentic. So I was like if airplane authentic Korean kimchi is good, then you know it’s gonna be good. Like when you get it someplace, you know, someplace a little bit more upscale than an airplane’s food.

C 

It is not just sauerkraut with red food dye.

K 

Right. So it’s – so I really enjoy authentic kimchi. I like the flavor profile. I like the texture. I don’t like the smell. But

C 

You’re not a fan of the vinegar smell. You know I

K 

I can’t eat it a lot because my body reacts badly to vinegar, but I can have like a little, just a little taste of it. And so, along with along the same lines of like missing food is y’all know I’m always complained about the grocery store here. Like something so just that’s like working my nerves right now, I’m on like this bagel tear. I’m loving bagels. But legitimately to get bagels, I have to order them three days in advance. They don’t have like, you can’t get like a bag of bagels

C 

And not from the grocery store.

K 

Right.

C 

Rasta goes all the way across town to get them from the one place that you can be guaranteed to get bagels if you order three days in advance.

K 

Yes. And they boiled them, which I think is cool, but they under boil them. So there’s always like one little raw stripe.

C 

Yeah, they don’t have that kind of really chewy texture of the New York bagels.

K 

Not at all. And so in California, there’s tons of bagel shops, and you can get all kinds of different bagels. Like these bagels are healthier, and there are good things about them. But just the ridiculousness of ordering bagels three days in advance,

C 

I feel like something that we don’t talk about a lot, is that the homogenization of culture here means that everything is homogenized – like the food is very homogenized.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And it’s got all kinds of limited time flavors and seasonality. But that doesn’t take away the fact that everything basically has the same palette behind it.

K 

Yeah. And so I do miss the diversity. I also miss you know, the consistency in the grocery store. And I miss things like cereal, and – I have to sneeze, excuse me. And I miss the familiarity. And I don’t know for me, I miss the the shelving. It’s like really weird. I don’t like the way the shelving is done in Japan. I think. So there are staples in Japan that are always available that you can get every time I’m here all day, no matter what. Oddly, taco flavored Doritos is one of them but cheese flavored Doritos.

C 

No, no. That’s not true because there are times that I go to open bag of Doritos and Rasta’s like, oh yeah, they didn’t have taco, so I substituted.

K 

Okay, but they – but like cheese classic Doritos. No.

C 

Right.

K 

So I miss like junk food. I also I really do miss junk food. Y’all know, I would just do anything for a Slurpee.

C 

And Japan absolutely has enormous amounts of junk food.

K 

Yeah, enormous amounts of junk food, but it’s just not to my palate at all. So I don’t have anything. Like I don’t have comfort foods. I can cook my own comfort foods. But

C 

No, I know. Like, what I wouldn’t give for chicken fried steak with white gravy and biscuits.

K 

Right. That’s some get down right there. So for me, I think that it being this time of year specifically with seasonal foods. I missed the smell of foods I don’t enjoy. Which is a weird

C 

Like you miss the smell of me drinking eggnog?

K 

I do. I miss a smell eggnog.

C 

I should look up a recipe because that one we could make here. That one’s not too complicated.

K 

Like everything we could make here.

C 

Nah, I feel like some of the things are like,

K 

We can’t make – well, I can make pie from scratch. But like making pie crust from scratch. That’s a lot, especially because we don’t have any counterspace. So, I would have to buy a marble slab to put on our kitchen table to have enough room. And we are our counter in our kitchen is marble.

C 

It’s not marble.

K 

It’s not? It’s marbelite?

C 

Yeah, it’s the fake marble. Yeah.

K 

So it’s formica?

C 

It is not formica. Formica is a laminate. It’s solid all the way through. It’s basically pressed glued marble powder.

K 

Okay, so I feel like I could clean it up. But there’s not there literally, like if we took everything off our counter. There’s still literally not enough room to roll out a pie crust.

C 

Yes.

K 

It is not big enough to roll out a pie crust.

C 

You’d have to stand in the dining room and lean over the thing that separates the kitchen and the dining room.

K 

No, that’s not even big enough. I would have to put – I would have to buy a marble slab. Put it on the kit, the dining room table, and roll it out there. And so a lot of stuff. I just don’t do it because I don’t cook so much stuff because one we’re cooking in Celsius and we have a microwave oven combination. So everyone’s like, just look up how long to cook it in Celsius. No because it doesn’t actually get to the temperature that it says it gets to in Celsius.

C 

We set things to 250. And it’s like, I might get there eventually.

K 

Yeah, so you can’t, and it’s inconsistent. So I miss consistent baking, the ability to bake something consistently.

C 

I feel like our oven and stove and everything is all designed to not allow us to set the apartment on fire. Like everything has a timer, everything has automatic shut offs, has very strict ideas about how you should cook things. Like

K 

Well and two, it’s inconsistent. But I cut you off. What were you gonna say like, what?

C 

Like, if I want to make the the chicken and peanuts dish.

K 

Yeah.

C 

I make it in a wok. And the first thing I do is I start by smoking the oil just a little bit. But if I do that too much, the stove is like, sorry, your pan is too hot. You don’t get any more fire.

K 

Yes. And it will not turn back on and it’s so annoying. And then like the microwave oven. So it’s a microwave and a baking oven. And the microwave works consistently.

C 

But it’s very low power. It’s like 300 watts. So you look on microwave popcorn, it’s like if you have this set it for 40 seconds. If you have this set it for one minute. We do the popcorn for five minutes.

K 

Five and a half. Sometimes. I like minute five and a half. Yeah. Sometimes. Five – 5:40

C 

You  have to do this very specific thing. Flattening out the popcorn so there’s no layers and putting out on a piece of ceramic which gets super hot because of the microwave, so that it will actually pop. It’s – it’s a whole thing.

K 

Yes. But we still eat – we figured out – so we broke the code on the microwave popcorn and I share it with my foreign friends all the time. And they’re like no way. Because you can get microwave popcorn in Japan, you can also get Jiffy Pop in Japan.

C 

In fifteen yearsm I have seen Jiffy Pop once, and we bought

K 

They hhave it at Fronte but it’s super expensive.

C 

Okay.

K 

So it’s overpriced for like growing up in America. I’m sorry. You’re just not – you’re not going to get me to pay between six and seven bucks for a thing of Jiffy Pop.

C 

And you can get pre pop popcorn here.

K 

Yes, but it’s gross, because it’s not the texture is weird.

C 

But it’s the same brand as Mike’s. It’s the exact same brand isn’t available in the US and pre popped.

K 

I’ve never enjoyed pre popped.

C 

I know you haven’t.

K 

I’ve never enjoyed pre popped.

C 

I’m hearing the kernel of truth in that.

K 

Yeah. So please laugh for him  Because I didn’t think that was funny. It’s funny that I didn’t think it was funny. So when I tell Americans like how to do it, they’re like what, and I said it works best if you have a specific plate to it’s not just any plate, you have to turn a Japanese ceramic curry plate upside down. So that the inside where you would like put your food is facing down so that the raised part is up. And then you have to flatten out your popcorns so that it’s single – one kernel per thing. Open it up all the way, make sure that are no folds at all to challenge the popping, and then put it on that and and you know time it.

C 

And be ready for it to break too. We broke three plates before we like maybe we should stop using full plates. So now we just have a half plate from the last one that broke.

K 

Yeah, we do cuz we’re ghetto like that.

C 

We keep it real.

K 

Yeah, we do. So I I missed the convenience of being able to bake. And then the oven’s really small. Like I think I can bake like entire chicken but I couldn’t make a turkey.

C 

Well, the chicken would look like a turkey.

K 

It would. It’s so small. And the stovetop is so small. We have three burners, and one burner is a half burner. Like I don’t know, like what the point of that third burner is, because you cannot put three pounds on and cook at once. So in the United States, I could cook four pounds at once. It was big enough. And we had a grill so I could be baking something in the oven cooking four pans worth of food and grilling something. And so it was a great house to throw parties and because we could cook like that.

C 

Yeah.

K 

So I really – I miss the house. Like during this time of year. I miss the house immensely. Because I want to cook that comfort food I want to have because I don’t celebrate the holidays. But I’d like holiday foods.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And I do like turkey, but I only like turkey breasts. So in the United States, you can get Turkey just turkey breasts.

C 

Yeah, you just go buy it.

K 

Yeah, and we could make turkey breasts here but you can’t find turkey breasts.

C 

You have to order from an import shop and like it’s possible but it’s very expensive and it’s

K 

So bad for the earth. The carbon footprint for that. It’s not worth it.

C 

Well, yes, but also – so it’s not something you can do on a whim. It’s just like the bagels. You can’t decide, hey, I’d like bagels. I’m going to have bagels. Oh, I have a bagel. Oh, that was delicious.

K 

Yeah, no, I need to know three days in advance that I want a bagel and how many of them I want, and they they turn really fast. So you can

C 

Good news, no preservatives. Bad news. On day three. They’re molded.

K 

Yeah. So that’s really challenging. Not having – I’m just really spoiled from America. I know we talk about it a lot on the podcast. And I know that in the United States, there’s a lot of food insecurity. And that’s a different type of food insecurity. And I know that I’m really privileged to be complaining about having to order bagels because I’m able to order bagels because we don’t live in a food desert.

C 

Right.

K 

So I get the privilege and I get you know, might not be here for me whining about that.

C 

Here’s something I miss though.

K 

What?

C 

English.

K 

Yeah, I miss English too.

C 

I don’t have any criticism about people in Japan speaking Japanese. This is not they should know English or anything. This is I miss the assumption that everybody knows English until they say otherwise. But I was able to have in the US.

K 

Yeah.

C 

Cuz here it’s the opposite. It’s nobody knows English unless they say otherwise. Which I think I might have told the story. But I went to school. And for two years, I only spoke to the departmental secretary. Like, in Japanese. And when I graduated, she said, I hope you have an enjoyable career. And like, I was like you speak English? Yeah, you know, I lived there for a decade and I’m completely fluent. Like, but you never said anything. You didn’t ask me. And I miss just being able to assume that people speak English in the US. And if they don’t, I don’t hate. I get it.

K 

I miss slang. You know, I’m a big lover of slang. And for me, I miss -I miss my roots. I miss my connection. I miss being – I miss Northern California, I miss the Northern California, LGBTQIA+ community, we have our own slang, we have our own shorthand, we have our own language. And when it’s just us, it’s so comfortable. And I love you being included in our community, and accepted in our community. And being able to use the language and all of that and not being tokenly accepted for people like honoring the fact that you are part of the community and getting that you’re part of the community. So for me,

C 

Just to be very clear, like using languages things like hella, and skrill. It’s not racial slurs or anything, just because I’m hearing people like I’m part of the community, so I can use that language.

K 

I miss people calling me girlfriend.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And calling you their sister.

C 

Yeah, I don’t miss that. But that’s okay. Like, I’m not mad about it doesn’t bother me. But we’re

K 

I miss the intimacy of like, my folks like, going up to hugging you and kissing you and being like, hey, sis, like hugging me kissing me and being like, hey sis and hugging and kissing you and being like hey sis.

C 

Yeah.

K 

Because it’s not gendered. It’s just saying, you’re my family. And I miss that. I don’t have my extended chosen family around me. And I miss that. And I also miss the black community because I’m really light skinned. And being light skin can be very triggering for people who have suffered from colorism and don’t know you. And even though they want to know you, and they want to accept you, you can see the pain that your skin is causing them. And it’s really, really hard. It’s really, really painful. And as a therapist, I had clients that would come in and see me and talk about colorism and cry about how much sitting across from me hurt them. Because I’m light skinned with light eyes and fairly straight hair. And so,

C 

Okay, and you know, I was never in any of your therapy sessions.

K 

No.

C 

But in my mentoring, I have that same thing. Not they didn’t direct that at me because they didn’t see me as being anything like

K 

Yeah.

C 

But the being from an English speaking country that isn’t recognized as an English speaking country. Like, I had several people from Jamaica that I mentored, for example,

K 

See me and the Jamaicans are cool, we can roll right. I love the Jamaica – so when they come from a predominantly black country, they don’t – except for the South Africans like, I mess with the South, the South Africans a lot. I’m confusing because I’m a crime for the age that I am, and they just don’t see a lot of mixed people thet are comfortable with saying that they’re black and not trying to pass and not afraid. Just like, yeah, no, I mixed and – but I was, you know, barely born after

C 

Loving.

K 

Loving. So, for me like, it’s weird being in the community, because the Americans are very triggered by me. The Canadians, not as much. The Australians… it’s weird. The Australians like don’t know how to take me.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And that kind of fracture. Like, I still love all – my all my beautiful black family here. But I miss the comfort and ease of black is brown is tan. We have like every shade in in our group. And so we have like, we always joke that we have from sunrise to, you know, midnight. And that’s a joke that we can tell and it doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings. Because we have a friend that like openly identifies as midnight. And we like saying, you know, we have a friend that’s like really proud of being blurple. And like, and that’s a saying that we have of love, like you’re so black, you’re purple. But that’s sexy, and they know that we’re saying like you are the pinnacle of sexiness, like oh my god, but you have to lotion up like you are oiled up. That is so – and they know that they’re like the pinnacle of sexy. So in our group, the darkest skin is the sexiest skin. And they know that and they’re confident about it. And they know it’s not me trying to overcompensate for being light skin

C 

Well and here. I think the thing is, is the our group part

K 

The what?

C 

The our group apart. I think part of what I miss about the US is not standing out in a crowd. Like no matter where I go, here, I am a spectacle. You are a spectacle.

K 

I’m not a spectacle everywhere I go. When I go with you.

C 

When you go with me, you are a spectacle.

K 

I’m not a spectacle. Your beard is a spectacle. And your beard in the United States would be a spectacle. As long as your beard is now anywhere you go. Because your beard comes midway down your chest, your beard is almost to your stomach, it gets to thin out your stomach, you need to trim it.

C 

If I pull it down?

K 

Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh, that’s just so I’m so happy we’re not videotaping this, they would have felt so sad for you. Like everybody should feel bad for Chad on that one.

C 

It’s long enough that it never shows up at the end of it on Zoom sessions or Google Meet.

K 

Which is a weird thing to be proud of

C 

Why? I spend so much of my time on video chat.

K 

You do. You do. But it gets really thin. Like you could cut two inches off.

C 

I probably will right after this. Maybe I’ll do it during this when you when you start talking. I’m just going to cut it while you’re talking.

K 

No because if you cut, I’m like why’d you cut it? So I like it. I like it. But yeah, I do miss that sometimes I do miss my roots. I do miss my people. And my tribe. And I don’t I don’t have that. I don’t have a tribe here. Everybody’s so transient. Like someone who’s been here for 32 years can just up and leave. Japanese nationals just up in the people just leave at a rate that I just wasn’t used to in the United States. Like everyone in our crew. You know, I had known them, most of them since I was a teenager. And they were just our people. They were our crew. And you had known them since your early 20s.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And there was that just a lot of unspoken understanding. And I miss that unspoken understanding. And getting me and accepting me and loving me. I don’t feel like I’m 100%. myself with anyone here. I don’t feel like – and I because it’s so complex to explain who I am to someone. Whereas somebody who knew us before we were together as a married couple. They just get us.

C 

I think too, there’s the difference in expectations of intimacy and authenticity. And I think we’ve talked before about like the hone and the tatemae in the terms of the Japanese like your true self and your public facing self.

K 

Yeah.

C 

I don’t think we’ve talked so much about how it is a demand that you have a public facing self and that you not be your true self with people. Like it is insulting to be your true self with people.

K 

Yes.

C 

In contrast for the US, they’d be like, oh, you’re being real with me. I really appreciate that. I feel so much closer to you. Here, they’re like, how dare you presume to be your real self? Put the mask back on.

K 

And not hanging out in people’s houses. You know, I’m a homebody. I’m sickly. I’ve always been sickly. And I miss not having a bunch of folks coming over.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And I you know what I really miss? I miss not being able to invite people to a dirty house.

C 

Yeah.

K 

Because that’s how the I roll with my folks. Like,

C 

You can come over, you can see that I haven’t had the energy to clean.

K 

Yeah, and they wouldn’t care.

C 

And like some of your friends when I met to come over and do your laundry and things.

K 

Yeah. I had a whole support crew, people who just loved me, I felt so beloved. And so when I go off about America, like I won’t ever live in the United States again, and seeing the United States from the inside out. And being away from those things. It’s just, it’s because I’m going through it alone here. Like the people who I know in the US, like, we’ve all – we’ve all seen each other go through similar things.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And so we know each other’s history. And like, they know, I’ve been harassed. And everyone’s like, did you really need to have the talk with with Rasta? Like I had people ask me that here. And in the United States, everybody would know, yes, I need to have a talk with Rasta because, you know,

C 

Yeah, I think there is a sense, looking from the outside. We have the social circle in the US, and it was great. And it’s got all of these things. But part of the reason our social circle is there is because anything outside the circle is very unsafe.

K 

Yes.

C 

And so here, the circle is small, like if we just comfined ourselves to Americans, the Americans who live in Japan are different.

K 

Yeah, the Americans who live in Japan and are not safe to me. I don’t feel safe around them.

C 

I’m not saying they’re safe. I’m saying they’re different in aggregate than the Americans who live in America. aAd this is true for every country, it’s not specific to Americans, like every person from Iran that I’ve met, I’ve really gotten along with them. I don’t assume that means I would get along with Iranians in Iran, because it’s a different like to leave your country. You are a different sort of person than the majority of the population who don’t leave their country. Here like the Americans on aggregate are just.. angry, striving. Many of them are angry that they are not in charge. Many of them like when I say I miss English, they do have the and therefore Japanese people should speak English or they are stupid kind of mentality. So yeah, it’s

K 

It’s weird to me to see Americans here who hate Japan. And I feel like if you’re American, so for me, I don’t live in America because I couldn’t take it anymore.

C 

Right.

K 

And I’m in Japan, and Japan has a lot of the same problems as the US. But they’re not directed at me.

C 

Yes.

K 

It’s not pointed at me. So I’m not saying that Japan is a Shangri La oasis. If you’re a white person, Japan is hard. Japan is hard. Even if you’re not white, Japan is hard.

C 

It has been voted worst place in Asia to work as an expatriate. Which the word expatriate is its own thing, but

K 

And so I think for a lot of people having all that white privilege stripped from them.

C 

Yeah.

K 

All at once and immediately and up in your face… is really hard. For me, I didn’t have any privilege stripped from me. I actually gained privilege. Like I don’t. In the US, I could pass if I did some adjustments. But I don’t. I just feel like passing is a dangerous thing to do – passing for something or not. And we talked on the podcast, in Japan I have to fight not to pass. And like I’m not I’m not playing though for real.

C 

I’m not passing go, I’m not collecting $200.

K 

Right. So for me, there’s like those deeper things that I miss. But there’s also like little trivial things that I miss. So we’ve talked about before how in Japan they do illuminations.

C 

Yeah.

K 

Which I thought would be Christmas lights. And they’re not Christmas lights. And I miss driving. And I miss driving around the neighborhood and seeing all the Christmas lights, which are a little bit ironic, because we didn’t light up our house ever. We put zero lights on our house.

C 

Yeah.

K 

We were dragging the – and we lived in a court. And everybody was like really annoyed with us, except the

C 

You’re reducing our average bulbs per house.

K 

Yeah, and so the Asian family like, like four doors down, there was an Asian family that didn’t celebrate the holidays. And we have so much solidarity, but we only spoke to each other or like acknowledge each other in the month of December.

C 

Yeah.

K 

Because we were not lining up our houses. And we would just like nod when we see each other and be like, you know, you don’t have to light up your house. It’s your house kind of energy. And also, like, we just put a bowl outside which we might just put an empty bowl, but we did fill it up with candy, but the first person who came – selfish, horrible people

C 

Some years it would last like 20 minutes before somebody just took all the candy.

K 

Yeah. And so we did that so our house wouldn’t get egged. That’s the only reason. And when the bowl was empty, everyone was like, oh, dang. And so our house wouldn’t get egged. Like, I don’t miss that. I don’t miss having to have a bowl of candy on a specific day outside my door so my house didn’t get egged.

C 

Okay. Give us candy.

K 

I don’t miss that. I do miss living in a house. And I do miss Christmas lights. And I do miss – I, you know, I miss the court. And we had horrible. I’ve talked about having horrible people living on the court. But I miss it. I just do. I – it was so 0 life has been so unpredictable with them working on the building. They’re working – so I’ve talked about it a lot on Twitter. They’re working on the building, and it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

C 

Right.

K 

And I think maybe once I stopped working at the on the building, it’ll feel like home again. But it’s been really invasive for an entire month. There’s been people walking on our balcony,

C 

And like at 9am on Sunday to hear just like banging. Stop, I get that you’re behind because they’re only working six days. And then the deadline is approaching because they only have a building permit for another two weeks.

K 

Yes.

C 

So the deadline is approaching which means are working longer hours, they’re working Sundays, I’m like, I don’t have sympathy. I just have annoyance.

K 

And they put a sealant on our door yesterday. And they put two coats on. And each time they put a coat on the door has to stay open for five hours. So our front door had to be open for 10 hours yesterday.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And they put the sealant on twice. And the sealant was so noxious and poisonous that you know, even though it’s super cold out, we had to open up all the windows and close that half the house. So, you know, bless Rasta’s heart. He came over the house. We turn on the heat, even though he was in a room with windows, horrible humans destroying the earth I know. And he wrapped up in a blanket and took a nap. But he was the deterrant. Because in Japan, people will just walk in to your house. And then as soon as they see you, they walk into your entryway and as soon as they see you they stop, but they will continue walking until they see someone.

C 

Yeah. What, I’m just in the entryway.

K 

Yeah, like I haven’t taken my shoes off.

C 

I’m just in the genkan. No, it is not a public space. That is still our private space.

K 

Yeah. So I – we only had one friend in the United States that would just walk in our house.

C 

Yeah.

K 

I miss that: the people knowing that our property line is our property line.

C 

Yeah, when I was little, my brothers and I – slightly older brother and slightly younger brother. We’d go like to different friend’s houses and play. And my younger brother used to just walk into people’s houses. And so one of one of our friend’s mother told him – told him you have to knock before you walk in. So the next time he just knocked and then walked in.

K 

That’s so his personality.

K 

Yeah.

K 

The one that used to eat tubs of butter, right?

C 

Yeah. So I feel like Japan is very much like that. They ring our bell, which doesn’t work. Like our bell is physically broken.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And then when we don’t answer they’re like, oh, this is an invitation to walk in. No.

K 

So for me, I miss the familiarity. I miss – I miss my chosen family. I don’t miss my blood relatives because the – I miss my extended blood relatives because I really enjoyed my second cousins. I didn’t I don’t really know any of my first cousins,

C 

Well and you’re talking the distance wasn’t that big.

K 

No. And they are really, really close to my grandparents. And I’m really missing my grandparents this year.

C 

Yeah.

K 

I’m really missing them. I wish they were still alive and I wish We could still go over there when none of my cousins were living with them.

C 

Right.

K 

That was the best. Whenever one of my cousins were living with them, it was awful. Because my grandfather was miserable. And he hated doing that. But my grandmother would not let any family member ever be homeless. Even though I was homeless, I just didn’t go live with them. I could have I just didn’t, which just now dawned on me, I didn’t. So the point of this podcast is say that there’s pluses and minuses to every to both countries. It’s not any one country is perfect. It’s just right now where we are in our lives, and with everything that’s going on in the world, Japan is the best place for us. And also, I have a fantasy life that Japan really allows me to live like when things get good. We can go to places in the world that I’ve always wanted to go and get there more conveniently.

C 

Yeah.

K 

There’s hope – we can get to Europe so quick. And I absolutely love Spain, and I want to go to Spain again. And getting to Australia isn’t a 24 hour journey.

C 

Right.

K 

So being from California, it’s really challenging to travel anywhere. Because

C 

You get to Hawaii, but to even get across the US is a five hour flight of minimum.

K 

Yeah. And so we did a lot of the countries, we did a lot of island countries.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And we did eat some in South America as well. And we did, we did go to Europe. But it’s so expensive, and it’s so hard to do. And being in Japan, we can travel more. And my thing is now that our son is grown, like he’s really grown, he’s 27. I would you know, when when the world is safe to travel again. I would really like us, like when we know for sure, Japan’s not going to close its borders randomly with 10 hours notice. I would like to travel again.

C 

Yeah.

K 

But Japan does burnt stuff to like, closing its borders with 10 hours notice. If you’re not a Japanese citizen, that’s burnt, racist and xenophobic.

C 

Yeah.

K 

I’ll call it what it is, that’s wrong. And also like cheating anyone who paid tuition to come to study in Japan. Japan just decided, no, and Japan decided if you’re not here for the term that you signed up for, we’re not going to roll it over.

C 

Right.

K 

So you’re just screwed out of that money you paid. And you don’t get to come here. And you don’t get that education that that you purchased and a lot of students are being completely screwed over. So I don’t want Americans to think that I think Japan is perfect. I don’t.

C 

Yeah, it’s got good and bad parts. But I feel like our profile in Japan is pretty much neutral. Like, we can avoid most of the bad parts. We don’t get the full benefit of some of the good parts. There’s like nothing terribly what there’s nothing terribly dangerous. There’s nothing terribly wonderful.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And for the most part, that’s not too bad. But sometimes it gets kind of lonely. Like we can’t have this really awesome experience that we could have in the US. As compensation, we are not subject to this really awful experience.

K 

Yeah.

C 

But, you know, sometimes I want to just have the good parts.

K 

And I missed the familiarity with what the geographic diversity would mean. So like, we live really close to Gifu.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And I don’t get it like I get the geographic diversity between Nagoya and Gifu. But I don’t get what Gifu’s offering. I don’t get what Gifu’s serving. Like they have Gifu Castle and the part below Gifu Castle is really beautiful, but I don’t know what else Gifu has going on. And I don’t really like know beyond the touristy stuff what Nara has going on. And when Rasta was dating, I would learn deeper stuff because I’ll be – we can say this now that Rasta doesn’t want to get married, but anyone who ever dated Rasta, I planned every single date they went on. And so people like – Rasta’s girlfriends would be why are you calling your mother?

C 

Okay, you romantic, romantic man?

K 

They’d be like, why are you calling your mother? Well, because I’m checking in to see is the date going right? And I make sure that they’re saying the things that he’s supposed to say and doing the things that he’s supposed to do. Like you know, he took someone to oshibori and I planned that date. I told him what pattern to pick.

C 

Yeah, for the tye-dye.

K 

I told him how to do it told him what to do when the tie dye arrived, told him like – so that was like a three week, three week long series of dates. And so every date he’s ever gone on, I have planned it. He has not planned any of his dates, and all of his communications, I would tell him, it’s time for you to text your girl. How you talk to your girl today. This is the conversation that you need to have with your girl. And I’ve been very directive because Rasta thought he wanted to get married. And I’ve been telling Rasta for forever, that he needs to be poly.

C 

Yeah.

K 

Because we were poly when we met. And I just think like, aside from Chad, I don’t see anyone else that would fully satisfy me. I just there’s – and so for me being poly I think is, is really awesome. And there’s a huge poly community in Japan. And there’s, you know, swinging clubs in Japan. And I told Rasta you need to find, you need to find yourself a black girl. Because your hair – you need someone who like when they play with your hair, they don’t jack it up. Because the Japanese girls like don’t get it.

C 

Yeah.

K 

They don’t get it. They’re so confused by the different textures. Because he has like what I call his soft spots. And that’s where his hair get is actually a different thickness.

C 

Yeah.

K 

And he has like three textures in his hair I think that are like, prominent, and then when you go deeper, there’s other textures.

C 

Well, there are times that you tell me, you could touch my hair. And I’m like, ooh.

K 

I know it’s like – and it’s planned, like, but don’t touch the front. It’s thinning. It’s got tension loss, because it’s long. So you can touch the back. And I tell you where – you can touch the back like this right now. And I’m like, okay, stop.

C 

You could put the back of your hand beneath the bulk of my hair and run it out three times.

K 

Yeah, and I love that you know that that’s not weird.

C 

Yeah it’s not weird.

K 

It’s like playing with your beard. There’s a specific way to play with your beard.

C 

Absolutely.

K 

And the way you play with your beard is not the way that I can play with your beard.

C 

No. Like, go ahead. And if you’re listening, try and tickle yourself. Right? It doesn’t work. Other people, you might be ticklish.

K 

I don’t know why you think that is like you’re – you’ve made the point of why you should, should or shouldn’t be touched in ways you don’t want to be.

C 

There is only do or do not. And I have done.

K 

I just go with like personal autonomy. I don’t like being touched like that. I don’t like my hair touched. That’s like, you don’t touch my face. I never say you can touch my face. It’s like really rare. And if you do it has to be with the back of your hand. And you can like across my jawline, and you better hope I don’t break out afterwards. Because it will be your fault. I don’t like my face touched at all. And I don’t like my eyelashes getting wet at all. Like that’s not a funny joke. People want to splash water my face. I will fight you. Do not get my eyelashes wet.

C 

Don’t do it.

K 

So I think it’s really interesting that we held the digression until the end.

C 

I think that the digression is actually related. I think that it’s about the comfort. I have one final thing. Like, I feel like here we don’t have the ability to just have a like a date that is so terrible it’s funny. Yeah, like I’m thinking about moving to Tokyo, and we went to a restaurant called Jonathan’s which is a chain.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And if we had had this security to know that we could have gone someplace and gotten a decent meal after that at two in the morning, it would have been funny how just horrifically bad the food was.

K 

Yeah.

C 

Like every single thing that we ordered was bad in an unexpected way.

K 

Yes.

C 

We bought like $100 worth of food.

K 

Trying to get something edible.

C 

A coffee shop, basically just trying to get something edible.

K 

Yeah, we weren’t being flossy.

C 

Right. And then the US, we would just laugh about that and then go have like our standby.

K 

Yeah.

C 

And so I miss having a standby

K 

But I think that if we move back to United States, there’s so many things I would miss about Japan.

C 

Oh, absolutely.

K 

Fast food tempura is the bomb. Donburi, oh.

C 

Oh, you know, I would miss that.

K 

Yes. Donburi is the bomb. Bowl of food.

C 

Bowl of rice. Yeah.

K 

You get a bowl of rice, and you put various different foods on it.I love a bowl of food.

C 

You could order that from from the pizza places here. Pizza toppings on a bowl of rice.

K 

I would miss going to a vending machine and order my food, then going sitting down at the restaurant and having my food come to me.

C 

Yeah.

K 

I would miss that. I just didn’t think – like the first time I saw that I’m like this is I can’t do this. But I would miss – like the first time I got a cup of noodles from a vending machine in Japan. I was like, this is the bomb. This is the bomb dot com.

C 

Yeah it dropped the cup out, and you’re like, what do I do? And then I said, it’s got a sign on number two saying put it underneath the thing. And then there was hot water, you were like this is – we need this. Because we were just tourists.

K 

Yeah, it was so good. And you can get all kinds of different food I would miss like, I would miss the vending machine food… and other deeper things. But yeah, you know. So I want to give all of our Musick Notes a thank you so much for keeping us on top 10 on player FM. And we really appreciate your listen, we know there are so many things, other things that you could be doing with your time and other ways. Other thing, other – tons and tons of other podcasts you could be listening to. And for us to climb all the way up and stay up in the top 10 on player FM for podcasts about Japan. That’s all y’all doing. You know, and that makes us feel so gratified and so good. You know, we’ve been doing a podcast for a few years now. And we have so many of our core listeners that have listened from the beginning. And have listened to every episode. And we just appreciate you guys so much. Thank you so much.

C 

Thank you. W

K 

e really, really mean it. And we’re going over to the tape too. And right now I am looking because I have – so what I do is I think of topics. And then I email them to myself so that we always have something to talk about. I think next week we’re talking about Japanese snow versus American snow. Or we’re gonna talk about things we regret bringing from the US. That’s, that is a list.

C 

That is a list.

K 

I did not know what to bring. I brought so many wrong things. I just did. And so this week, I’m gonna talk to you we’re gonna do real talk about how hard it’s been launching the press and the E zine. All in the space of about – all within a year.

C 

Yeah.

K 

So and – and two different awards, two different prizes. We did a lot this year. We were on team too much. So thank you so much for listening, and we hope you follow us on over to our Patreon and check out our take two.

C 

Bye

K 

Bye