K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about how… my life goals have changed since coming to Japan from the United States in ways that have nothing to do with age and nothing to do with Rasta’s age and nothing to do with time and everything to do with culture. Which I think that’s really interesting because the last time we talked about it, we were like – I don’t know, we talked about it like last year. And last year, we were like, “oh, this is all just”

C: The passage of time.

K: Yeah. Exactly.

C: Time keeps on tipping – tipping

K: (laughs)

C: Ticking into the future.

K: Yeah. Doo, doo, doo, doo.

C: Right.

K: (laughs)

C: Don’t sing too much. We’ll have to pay the fees.

K: Oh, please. They do not know about us.

C: (laughs)

K: I would pay the fees just to be like so stoked that they even know who we are.

C: But resist for a while, so we get lots of press.

(laughter)

K: Yes. We’re gonna drag it out, baby.

C: New life goal.

K: Yes. (laughs)

C: Get persecuted by the music industry. Be like, “we are the Musicks.”

K: Yes. And be like, “try and get us. We’re in Japan. Different laws, different rules.”

C: Oh, they have collectors here. They’d send the NHK people after us.

K: (laughs) And we have been – we have successfully, successfully, made it clear to NHK. And NHK doesn’t send people out anymore.

C: Yeah, the last time we saw somebody was a few years ago. And it was like, “look, we don’t have a T.V., we’ve not had a T.V. in this apartment. We’re not gonna pay you.”

K: Well, and I think NHK is like stopping sending people out period.

C: Yeah, I think they are.

K: Because it wasn’t effective. And then the last person who came out said that everything’s going online, so they will just be tallying our debt.

C: Yeah. Like, do that. Rock on.

K: Yeah. We don’t – we don’t own a T.V., so. No. I’m not paying for television I don’t watch.

C: Yeah. Just last week, we were talking about not watching television because we don’t have a T.V.

K: We’ve been consistent. Like, we go off about NHK.

C: Yeah.

K: And I think, if you don’t live in Japan, you probably don’t know why we’re so obsessive about it. It’s because they’re super aggressive and… every foreigner I know has the “when I first came to Japan” NHK story.

C: Mhm.

K: I’m one of the rare foreigners that, when I first came to Japan, I had T.V., and I had cable.

C: Yeah. So, you paid your NHK. But now, your phone baffles them. Because their new technique is to say, “well, your phone can get T.V., so you need to pay.” And I showed them your phone last time.

K: (laughs)

C: And they were like, “oh. I guess your phone doesn’t get T.V.”

(laughter)

K: I have a flip phone, and I have a really old flip phone. Some flip phones can get T.V., but my flip phone is so old it can’t.

C: Yeah.

K: I have, like – my phone is so old they told me “you have two years left before we will force you to upgrade your phone.”

C: Because your phone won’t handle the network.

K: Yes. So – but I’m hanging in there for those two years, baby.

C: You keep hanging on.

K: I am. But back to our goals because

C: Yeah.

K: Like, okay. That is one goal that has changed. So, like, in the United States, public television – we always gave to public television. We supported it.

C: Yes.

K: Huge fan of public television. Anytime I’ve had, like, good financial stability in my life, I’ve always donated. Just like to the Easter Seals, which… I don’t know how they make money because they sent us stickers for years.

C: That was March of Dimes.

K: Oh, March of Dimes. Yeah. And then – so, here… sorry if you had that, I had a little burp in my chest. Here, if… the public television, you have to pay for it. And most people will be here for between 3 to 6 months before NHK will come to their home. And what happens is somebody comes to you, they don’t speak English because, hello, Japan. And they’re speaking to you in Japanese, and they’re pointing to an amount of money, and they’re very aggressive. And they’ll keep coming back. And so, people get scared into paying them even if they don’t have a T.V.

C: Yeah. And they came here when we’d been living here about 5 years and said, “you owe us 5,000 dollars for NHK because you signed a contract.” I’m like, “when? Show it.”

K: Yeah.

C: Because no, we didn’t.

K: Yeah. So, I won’t cop to knowing enough Japanese until you ask me for money. And then my Japanese gets real good real fast.

(laughter)

K: Like, don’t come for my coins. If y’all follow us on Twitter, you know I am so for real about my coins. Like, I count every single one of them. I value my coins. They are precious to me. I worked hard for them. And Chad works hard for his, so yeah. And our patrons who are lovely and give us their hard-earned coins, we appreciate that too, and we’re not going to mess with your coin, either.

C: Thank you.

K: (laughs) We give what we say we’re going to give at every level.

C: Yeah.

K: Yeah. So. So… what was the biggest goal that shifted for you?

C: I think my ideas about what I wanted to be doing when I was older. Like, when I was retirement age have shifted. And I no longer feel like

K: You’re in your 40s.

C: Yeah. That’s why I clarified to say retirement age because I’ll be older tomorrow just by virtue of a day passing.

K: So, can you own that you are in your early 40s, or are you still going fight on this?

C: I am not. I am in my mid-40s.

K: Oh my gosh.

C: I am 45. I will be 46 later this year.

K: When you turn 46, you will be in your mid-40s. I will give you that.

C: Nope. Then I’m in my last 40s.

K: Oh-ho-ho-ho.

C: Unless I’m counting like Kisstopher does, in which case I’m in my very early 50s.

K: (laughs)

C: You’re laughing because

K: I’m a woman of a certain age – I’m a human of a certain age.

C: You’re laughing because you know it’s true.

K: So, I’m working on… changing my language to being out as… agender. And it’s so weird because I’m not a woman of a certain age. I’m a human of a certain age. And I’m really good with like not using genders with other people, but I’m so habituated into… because I used to do genderless speech for myself, and it freaks people out when you don’t call yourself a gender.

C: Did you do the third person thing, like “Kisstopher thinks”?

K: No, I think. Why would I say Kisstopher thinks?

C:  Some people go to that extreme.

K: What do you mean?

C: I mean – I mean, why would you refer to your own gender in first person speech? “Kisstopher doesn’t like that because she don’t play.”

K: It’s the “because she don’t play.”

C: That’s what I’m saying. I don’t hear you saying that.

K: Yeah. People expect those kinds of isms.

C: Mhm.

K: And I don’t usually… do those. I don’t usually talk that way, so

C: Yeah.

K: I say, “I’m so for real” because I’m very possessive, so I’m like, “I’m so for real about MY coin.”

C: Okay. “And MY husband.”

K: Yes. MY husband. And the thing I think most often is, “do you know who my husband is?”

C: (laughs) And usually the answer is “no, I don’t.”

K: Yeah. And then when I tell them, they’re not… the right level of impressed. And it’s offensive.

C: (laughs) To you, let’s be clear.

K: I get offended. Yeah. You don’t care. You’re like, “babe. Did you really say – did you really say that?” And I’m like, “yes. I wanted to know do they know who my husband is? And then explain who you are.” And that’s something I’ve always done. I did it in the United States – but in the United States, people were way more into it. So, maybe it’s an American thing.

C: It might be. I think I need to start saying, “do you know who my wife thinks I am?”

K: (laughs) That would be awesome, but you would not be comfortable describing yourself as the way I describe you.

C: No, I wouldn’t.

K: So… like, I’m not gonna do it here because it will shut down the conversation. He will just stop talking and want to walk away. When I compliment him, he doesn’t like it.

C: But my goals, now, have shifted to be

K: You wouldn’t like him when he’s complimented.

(laughter)

K: Okay. Go ahead. I’m sorry.

C: My goals, now, have shifted so that I no longer see myself giving up work at a certain age.

K: Giving up wealth?

C: Work.

K: Oh, okay. I’m like, “what are you talking about?” Okay. Giving up work at a certain age.

C: Yeah.

K: What do you mean?

C: I don’t think, anymore, that I’m going to say, “okay. I’m 65. I’m done with working.”

K: Mm.

C: I don’t see the… retiring to the good life as a thing that would actually be a good life.

K: Mm.

C: So, my plan is to keep working and keep putting somebody out of a job until I die.

K: (laughs) You do not – you’re not an aggressive worker like that. Although – can I share the rampage thing?

C: Yes.

K: Although one of your superiors said, “keep doing your rampage through the company.” And you were like, “yes. It is a rampage.” Because you were just having such a quick ascent in the company.

C: Yeah.

K: And that’s happened to you everywhere you work. You get promoted very quickly because you’re very humble, and so you always go in at the entry level and let people see what you can do. And I think that’s… that Silicon Valley mindset.

C: Oh, definitely.

K: “We don’t care about your resume. What can you do for us?”

C: Yeah. Definitely.

K: “Like, our specific company.”

C: and I think it’s counter to the Japanese culture of starting when you’re 22 or 23, straight out of university.

K: Mhm.

C: It wasn’t possible for me to do that here because I was already not that age when we came over. And I didn’t graduate from a Japanese undergraduate university, so that was never gonna happen. And I think… being here in Japan has kind of released me from expectations that I had for myself about career. And what career meant and what having a good life meant.

K: Mm.

C: Because now I see a good life as a very quiet one.

K: Yeah.

C: And, while the amount that I work will probably go down as I get older and older… I think that I’ll always want to keep my – my toe in, as it were.

K: Mhm.

C: Because, when I was out of work for a year, I was so bored that I started doing work again for way too little pay.

K: Yes. Much to my frustration because you were supposed to be writing books for me.

C: Yes.

K: Give me novels. I’m a greedy beast.

C: And I thought that’s what I wanted to do full time, but I find that if I’m… not doing anything else, that that’s not very satisfying.

K: And even going to school and writing books, you weren’t satisfied.

C: No.

K: I think specifically you need the professional stimulation. And that’s the majority of your socialization is at work.

C: Yeah, that’s right.

K: Because you don’t really enjoy friendships. You enjoy collegial exchanges, but in terms of friends…

C: Yeah, I don’t enjoy like… hanging.

K: Yeah.

C: I don’t want to go out on the town for a night, or… that kind of thing, so yeah.

K: Well, our friend that we talk about every podcast – I feel like I’m obligated to mention them now, and you know who I’m talking about. You know I’m talking about you.

C: Yeah.

K: (laughs) That’s so pointed. I just adore them, they’re absolutely amazing.

C: I told them you’re talking about them, and they were like, “I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe you had another friend that fit the description.”

K: (laughs) And that’s a good thing that they couldn’t even recognize themselves

C: Yeah.

K: Because everybody should tell their own story is a firm belief of mine. But you talk with them every day.

C: Yeah, online. Yeah.

K: Yeah. And then we have another friend that you talk to a couple times a week.

C: I have a couple friends that I talk to frequently online, yeah.

K: Yeah. But in terms of going out and hanging out, we have one friend who… and we talk about him all the time, he knows we do. He doesn’t listen to the podcast, so we can just say whatever basically. But the maddening thing about him is that Chad has epilepsy, he knows Chad has epilepsy, and his obsession is… VR – virtual reality games – that have a lot of flash and strobes. So, he – and we’re like, “dude, Chad can’t put on the VR headset and go into a flash environment.”

C: Yeah.

K: “He’s going to just seize out.”

C: “I don’t want to go to the VR discotec, no thank you.”

K: Right? And so, like, every VR situation that he comes up with, be like, “no. There is no VR dynamic that you currently are offering that is safe for Chad.”

C: There is no safe way to put lightbulbs that close to my eyeballs.

K: Yeah. So… it ends up – the last time you went and hung out with him, he put on a VR headset, and you watched him roll around on the floor and scream and dodge bombs.

C: Yeah, and shoot bugs. Yeah.

K: Yeah. (laughs) So, Chad doesn’t hang out in person. And I find that, for me, my socialization has changed also in that… for me, I think it’s because I’m such a homebody, and in the United States, and even when we first moved here to Japan, people would come and – come to me. Come to my house. I’ve always been the entertainer. And, for a while, we were doing that here. Entertaining and having our friends come over. And then that just sort of petered out and faded away.

C: Yeah.

K: and then we were doing a lot of art stuff together, and then you were like, “babe. I really hate the art stuff.” And I became obsessed with YouTube. So, I find that YouTube keeps me in the house at a level that… I’d never experienced before.

C: Mhm.

K: And so – because I love going to museums, but I hate how crowded it is. And I hate that I can’t spend as much time as I want, you know, in front of each piece of art. And now, especially with everything that went on in 2020 and is still going on in 2021, all of the museums have put up the most amazing tours

C: Online, you’re saying.

K: Yeah. Online. On YouTube, you can go and like – you can to the Louvre, to Notre Dame. You can go to all of these really great places and see all of this really great art. And private collectors are even doing tours of their art – their own private art galleries. I find those to be much more enjoyable… at home. Seeing it on a T.V. screen for me is the same as going and standing in front of it. With painting. With sculptures, it’s a little bit different.

So, my social goals have even changed. And, in the United States, my identity was entertainer. That was a big part of my identity. And here in Japan, I find that there’s this sort of redefining of myself that happens. Every couple of years. And that was the same in the United States. And I find more and more often, the homebodiness is just really… like, heavy and thick. Like, I don’t leave the house. (laughs)

C: It has set in.

K: Yeah. I think having to… be at home for… 18 months and liking it has been

C: Yeah. That’s the danger that a lot of companies are like, “oh, dang. Our employees actually liked working at home. What do we do now?”

K: Yeah.

C: Let them keep doing it. Are they doing a decent job?

K: Yeah.

C: But I do find it ironic that you talk about wanting to go to art museums, but… staying at home all the time and, I think you’ve become a hermit who wants to go L’ermitage. The hermitage. It’s a Russian museum.

K: Yeah. You guys should give him love on that because I’m just like…

C: Oh, they are. They’re laughing.

K: Yeah.

C: They’re amazed.

K: Yeah. I don’t even know if my voice captures my face, but I think it’s doing a pretty good job.

C: They’re like, “wow, Chad. How did you make that connection? That’s amazing.”

K: Yeah. Mhm. Okay. So, anywho. So, for me, I find that being a homebody feels really good. Y’all know I’m a nudist, and that plays a big part of it. I really don’t like being dressed. I really don’t like putting clothes on. It just… I feel constricted. I feel confined. I feel defined, I feel defined. I feel judged. I feel put in a boss. But when I’m naked, I don’t. I feel like, “this is me at my… barest, most authentic self.” And there’s nothing for you to judge. You can see who I am and see the road that I’ve walked because I have tons of scars. And… I don’t know. I feel like if I was walking around the world with my scars out, people would be like, “whoa. That person has bene through something.”

C: Yeah.

K: Because everyone who sees it – even medical professionals – they’re like, “whoa. You’ve been through something.”

C: If you laid your scars end to end, they would be taller than yeah.

K: Yes. So, I think, for me – I don’t know, I think if we were all walking around naked, we would all see the authenticity of everybody. I think it’s really hard to be inauthentic when you’re naked.

C: Mmm. See, I disagree with that, but I don’t have any good reason to disagree with that.

K: (laughs) Which I think is so weird because you spend outside of your working hours – like, you wear clothes for your work hours because you do a lot of meetings

C: Yeah.

K: But outside of your working hours, you spend a lot of time naked.

C: Yeah, but I don’t feel like I’m revealing any deeper truth by being naked.

K: Mmm. I find there’s a difference to you. I think you’re more playful when you’re naked.

C: Maybe.

K: I think a softer, more playful side of you comes out. You’re way more flirty and chill and relaxed.

C: Yeah. I don’t know which direction the causality goes, though. Like, maybe when I’m feeling more chill and relaxed, I’m like, “oh, okay. I can take off the clothes.”

K: Which has been your argument the whole time because you’re like, “I am not a nudist. I will not covert to – you think the way I do nudism is that it’s cultish.

C: No. You don’t have, like, cult leader. You’re not like… oh naked leader.

K: (laughs) Yeah, and I don’t… I think you feel like I’m proselytizing.

C: I do feel like you’re proselytizing, but that doesn’t make it a cult.

K: Yeah. Okay. So, I do believe that everybody would be – I think the world would be a very different place if everybody was naked all the time.

C: I – I think so, too. I think that sunburn clinics would be, like, on every street corner.

K: Or do you think maybe people would just be more careful in terms of their sun consumption and more responsible?

C: Mmm… I don’t think so.

K: And don’t you think those people are already getting sunburns?

C: Maybe. But I don’t know.

K: I think a sunburn on your penis is a once in a lifetime experience. I think a sunburn on your underboob is a once in a lifetime experience, and a sunburn on your vagina is a once in a lifetime experience.

C: Yeah?

K: Yeah. I think, once you’ve sunburnt those areas of your body and you’re

C: You’re not here to do it again.

K: Yeah. Because a sunburnt vagina is quite painful. And underboob is quite painful. And penis is quite painful.

C: Yeah. I don’t know about any of those.

K: But none of those are my goals in the United States or here in Japan.

C: Okay.

K: We just went way deep into like nudism. (laughs)

C: I think that’s a long-term goal for you.

K: The long-term goal for me is to be at a place in my life where you and I spend a majority of our time naked. Absolutely.

C: Yeah.

K: And that’s been a consistent goal of mine since we met.

C: Yeah. So, it’s not really a changed coal.

K: Yeah. No. Do you find that your social goals have changed?

C: I think so. I think… in the U.S., my goal and my vision was kind of like we would get an RV at some point and travel around the country.

K: Yeah.

C: And I no longer think that would be a good idea even if we were in the U.S.

K: Yeah. Me either. I never thought it was a good idea.

C: I know you didn’t. We’re talking about my goal, here.

K: Okay. Okay.

C: And I have realized that my goal is not something that I actually want to accomplish. In that arena.

K: So, you were saying – we talked about this before, an RV or a boat.

C: Yeah. But my social goals now, I feel like I don’t really have the goal of being… part of society.

K: Mhm.

C: and I think that’s because I don’t really feel like that’s an option.

K: Yeah.

C: I feel like no matter how long we’re here and no matter how fluent my Japanese, I would always be regarded as foreign.

K: Yeah.

C: And I know a guy here, locally, that you know too – he’s been here almost thirty years and is completely, completely fluent.

K: Yeah.

C: Regularly

K: Completely bicultural. Completely bilingual.

C: Yeah. Regularly provides, like, commentary on NHK and that sort of thing.

K: Yeah.

C: And is still regularly on NHK because he is… foreign.

K: Yeah.

C: And so, I think that no matter how long you’re here, if you don’t look what… most people consider to be “Japanese”, you won’t ever be accepted.

K: Yeah. So, I could assimilate, and people would assume that I had a Japanese grandparent.

C: Yeah.

K: And, for me… I just – I don’t do passing. I’m like, “I am what I am.”

C: Right.

K: And so, that kind of puts me off in terms of assimilation. And I’ve never been one to enjoy assimilation. I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel… right to me, somehow.

C: Mhm.

K: I find that, socially… I don’t feel the need to be the entertainer. I don’t feel the need to have a large group of friends. I have a lot of friends: most of my friendships are online. I have a lot of in-person acquaintances.

C: Yeah.

K: And a couple of good friends. And we don’t – we haven’t seen each other in over a year. And those friendships have just… gone away.

C: Yeah.

K: And I think they’ll be there for me to pick up once we can go out again, but I don’t think that they’ll exist in this current climate and space. So, they – we never talked on the phone. We never sent each other text messages. That wasn’t the culture. It was always, like, if we contacted each other, it’s to contact each other to go meet.

C: Yeah.

K: It wasn’t to contact each other to hang – I mean, to just communicate in that way. So, for me, socially… my goals are just do what makes me feel good.

C: Mhm.

K: And that’s nice. Because it’s pretty much the same in the United States. But I find that my professional goals are so different. I’m so much more… aggressive, professionally, here than I was in the United States. And that’s weird because both are patriarchal systems, but the patriarchal system here in Japan is… “okay. You’re a foreigner, so therefore you must do” – we talked about before, you know, you must be an English teacher, this that or the other.

C: Right.

K: But I find that they don’t assume that I have a husband that can take care of me. Which is so weird. Like, even when I’m married, they’re like, “okay, you’re married.” And they assume I’m married to a Japanese person. They see I’m married to another American and go, “oh, what do you do?”

C: (laughs)

K: Because, like, how am I taking care of myself? How am I – because they just don’t think you’re capable of supporting me or taking care of me. And that’s so weird but also like eww.

C: I find that assumption interesting because I wonder if it’s also paired with the assumption that, if your husband is Japanese, that you are neglected

K: What do you mean?

C: I think that, maybe, there’s – they’re drawing the distinction – and this is based on conversation with only a few people, so it’s not a generalization about all Japanese people. It’s just the ones that I have talked to about this. That a person can either provide… support in terms of financial support

K: Mhm.

C: Or they can provide companionship, but they can’t do both.

K: Yeah. And that’s because the work culture in Japan.

C: Yes.

K: As you climb up, you don’t work less overtime.

C: No. You work more.

K: Yeah.

C: TO make sure everybody else works their overtime.

K: Yeah. Because there’s overtime quotas.

C: Yes.

K: We’ve talked about that before.

C: Yeah, we have.

K: But check out our working in Japan episode if you’re interested in Japanese work quotas. So… that sort of made me have to really think about what my identity was. Because even when they found out I was a mom, that didn’t – so, in the United States, people were much more interested. As soon as they found out I had a child, they were much more interested in what type of mother I am, and they didn’t care what I did for work. They were like, “how do you work and have a child?”

C: “You have the highest calling possible. Mother.”

K: Yeah. Very much that. And… they’re like… “are you a single mom” when they found out I worked. I’m like, “no, I’m married.” Like, “but… how does your husband feel about you working?” And I was like, “I feel great about me working.” How about that? (laughs)

C: Okay. They never asked – they never asked me how you felt about me working. IT’s weird.

K: Right? Right? Like, rude.

C: It’s almost like that question is rooted in like… assumptions about women’s proper place.

K: Right? I’m like, it’s so rude. I hate that Chad works because it makes him put on clothes.

C: (laughs)

K: And I am anti-clothed Chad. I’m pro-naked Chad.

C: And I spend time talking to people other than you… I’m busy.

K: I’m fine with you talking to people other than me. (laughs) I don’t like the busy part so much. I don’t mind you being busy as long as it’s convenient. (laughs)

C: Right. You’re like, “hey. I have a good show on, you can go be busy for 41 minutes.”

(laughter)

K: As if. As if. So, I feel like… for me, I’m acclimated to – so, for me, the thing that’s hardest in Japan with you working in another country is that the Daylight Savings changes the hours that you work.

C: Yeah.

K: And I find it very discombobulating, so Japan doesn’t do Daylight Savings. And so, it’s always the same time in Japan. We don’t move ahead or fall back or spring forward or any of that nonsense. So, if you’re in an atmosphere where they’re doing that, it changes your work time. It changes our entire flow because it changes what time you sleep; it changes what time you eat. It changes everything about your day.

C: And it only changed by an hour. I have a coworker that is in Germany, and it changes by 2 hours because the Daylight Savings goes the opposite direction in the southern and northern hemispheres.

K: Yeah.

C: So, sometimes they’re 8 hours behind and sometimes they’re 10 hours behind.

K: Yeah, but they’re never in-synch with the company.

C: No, not ever.

K: So, that doesn’t really impact them because they work while everyone else is not working.

C: Yeah. That’s right. And I work in Australian hours. So, I start at either 7:30 or 8:30 depending on the time of year.

K: So, in the United States, I started a bunch of businesses. And here in Japan, I’m starting multiple businesses. And so, I’m still an entrepreneur.

C: Yeah.

K: But I’m more aggressive about – about it being successful and proving that it’s successful. Being able to – being verify – veri – verifiably?

C: Yeah.

K: Verifiably successful. And in the United States, I was never verifiably successful.

C: Do you think that has anything to do with all of the new professions that have come up that are either like, “okay, when you’re saying this, you’re either making no money or you’re making enormous amounts of money. I think like social media influencer, for example, didn’t exist when we were in the U.S.

K: But that’s not one of the things I do.

C: No, it’s not one of the things you do. But podcast is one of the things you do, which also didn’t really exist. And so, I’m wondering if just the presence of so many professions that are like, “oh, I’m a professional blogger”, and it’s like, “okay. Are you famous and make a lot of money doing this, or do you pay 20, you know, 2 bucks a month to have a blog posted somewhere?”

K: So, I think this kind of is… touching on what we talked about – I don’t know if it was last week or a couple weeks ago – where I might have to transition out of being a therapist.

C: Yeah.

K: And that’s the thing that’s successful. And I think you’re wondering where I’m going to find my success after that.

C: Yeah.

K: And… so… when I started doing my therapy practice, everyone laughed at me and said it was going to be impossible. And that I couldn’t do it. And that gave me something to overcome. I found, in the United States, I didn’t tell people about what I was doing.

C: Mhm.

K: And I think that I’ll probably go back to that. Where I’m not telling people what I’m doing and just letting people see me be around if I’m not doing therapy.

C: Right.

K: And go back to… my old reset, where – don’t count my coins. It’s none of your businesses.

C: Do you think that part of that was the expectation that you would always reveal that, for immigration, for example. Because I know for me, if the government isn’t making me do something anymore, I feel like why is anybody else. But, like, the employment – my employment until we got permanent residency was always… basically, a matter of public record because I had to be doing an approved job at an approved company in an approved field so that I could get a visa. And you’ve had people call immigration and report you for having an unapproved job.

K: Yes.

C: And immigration’s like… never even contacted us

K: Yeah.

C: Because your work has always been completely legitimate. But… I just wonder if the feeling of – because I have a new feeling of privacy now that we have permanent residency.

K: So, for me, it’s a little bit different because I live with you.

C: Yeah.

K: And… we have to declare everything together. And so, they would be like, “well because you live with him, we know you have this, but we have to find a way to bring your income down.” So, I found that my success was bring your income down, you can’t make more than this – even if I made more than that, they’re like, “let’s list everything”. Like, “what are you paying for toilet paper?”

C: Yeah. And if you made more than that, they were like, “okay. Well, is there any way you can say your husband made that money instead?”

K: Yeah. Which is really weird. So, I didn’t have the same… experience as you.

C: Mhm.

K: And… so, the government never saw me as, like, gainfully employed. Head of household… none of that. Like, even in the times when I was head of household, and you were

C: The primary earner and

K: Yeah. And you were earning your PHD.

C: Yeah.

K: They still didn’t validate me in that way, and, you know – they’ll happily take taxes.

C: Yeah.

K: They’ll happily take taxes, and they’ll happily raise our health insurance based on it.

C: Mhm.

K: But they never – I never got that validation. And, in the United States, we filed jointly, and we always shave since we first were emarried. So, I don’t find that I have the government connection to that.

C: Mhm.

K: Because the government has never validated me in Japan. They’ve never validated me as head of household, they’ve never validated me as being the primary earner. They’ve never validated me as having real business. And, because I have a sole proprietorship. And, in Japan, basically that’s just like – you tell them, “I have a sole proprietorship” and that’s the whole thing of it.

C: Yeah. It was interesting doing my taxes this year for Japan because… they were e- this year and last year both. They were like, “okay, so what do you do?” And I tell them. “Okay. So, why is this Australian company giving you so much money?”

K: Yeah.

C: And last year’s taxes, it was like 8,000 dollars. It wasn’t scads of money, but it was just… any money was so much money to the Japanese government.

K: Yeah.

C: Was like, “because I work for them.” “No, you don’t.” Like, “yes, I do.” “Are they a Japanese company?” “No.” “Then you don’t work for them. You have no job, why is this company giving you money for no job?” “Because they think I have a job.” “Mm. But do they?”

K: (laughs)

C: “Yes. I have a contract right here.” “But why are they giving you money?”

K: So, do you find that that’s impacted – so, you’re saying the government saying something

C: Yeah.

K: Impacts how you view your job. So, does it make you feel like you’re not working?

C: It doesn’t make me feel like I’m not working, but I think it’s like the society thing. Like, I don’t think that the Japanese government will ever regard me as working.

K: No, I don’t think they will either.

C: They’ll always regard my income as temporary and fleeting.

K: Yeah.

C: And so… the idea of like building respectability that I had in the U.S. – like, I want to be respected and respectable – is just not seeming possible to me here in Japan. And so, I’ve kind of given that up as a goal because it not being possible has made me say, “why did I ever care about this thing in the first place?”

K: So, for me, I think it was different because everyone who knew us laughed straight into my face when I told them I was gonna open a therapy practice.

C: And you were like, “I’ve done this before.”

K: And they were like, “yeah, but you know you’re not the only English-speaking therapist in Japan.” I said, “no, there’s a bunch of them. And that’s awesome because that means the market’s already been built. I don’t have to build a market.”

C: There are 50,000 Americans living in Japan.

K: Yeah.

C: And not all English-speakers are American, so I never understood that argument.

K: And they were like, “you know there are more than 1 in Nagoya.” And I was like, “yes. I am aware that there’s more than one in Nagoya.” And for me, I was like, “awesome.” The market’s already bene built. They know this exists. They know what the service is. They know what to expect. And then everybody sort of watched my ascent. And, you know, not to toot my own horn, but I am the leading practice in Nagoya. And I only know that because there are subreddits about me. And there’s Facebook accounts about me.

There is a group on Facebook that are my clients that have, like – it’s the weirdest thing. It’s a private group, and I only know about it because a bunch of my clients told me that they’ve started a Facebook group for my clients.

C: (laughs)

K: And when they come across them, they join. And they talk about their experiences of having me as a therapist because they find it to be very fascinating how different I am with each one of them.

C: That you tailor your approach to who the person is?

K: Right? (laughs) Because they’re all so different. And I know everyone in the group because they all kept – came and confessed. “I’m in the group. I said this about you.” And I’m like, “please don’t eat up your therapy time confessing.”

C: Okay. You’re a therapist, not a priest.

K: Yeah. Like, what you say about me’s none of my business. It doesn’t matter. You’re going to that group – obviously, that group is fulfilling a need for you.

C: Yeah.

K: And I don’t need to run roughshod over it. And they’re like, “do you want to be the moderator of it?” and I’m like, “no.”

C: Wow. That would just be so inappropriate.

K: Right? Like, no. This is where you guys – you’ve built this private space for yourselves to go and talk about it. And I think it’s really great now because, with the surgery and everything, being out of work for so long – not being available to them, it’s kind of a relief that they have each other.

C: Yeah.

K: And so, for me… watching my ability to grow and make something really special and with the clients that I have. They’re all just so amazing and open-minded and willing to do the work. And in the beginning, that wasn’t the case because I couldn’t pick and choose.

C: Right.

K: In the beginning, I had to – I had to take everyone. And there were some really hard cases. And now, I’m able to say, “you know. Let me take a step back and make it more boutique and special for everyone including myself.” And I did that, and it felt really… really good. To sort of… carve it out. And, in the United States, it came so much easier. In the United States, I would literally – I’d be like, “I’m going to start this business today.” And then I’d go start it and boom, it would work.

C: Yeah.

K: And in Japan, it’s like “I fought for this.” Like that one movie, you keep what you kill. And I found, like, I murdered it.

C: (laughs)

K: And it was really awesome for me. And I have, like, there’s one, like, Voldemort-esque psychiatrist. And you could just… look at – like, go on reddit and just be like, “bad psychiatrist in Japan.”

C: Yeah.

K: And… they… have, like – they went on a rampage about me. Which was like the best advertising ever because they were the only one with a higher profile than mine.

C: Mhm. And it’s so weird because they advertise, throughout – they advertise all the way from Hokkaido all the way to the south. And it was so weird to me because they’re in Tokyo. I don’t know why they’re advertising so far as being located in all these different cities.

C: Yeah.

K: And when I eclipsed them, it feels like, you know, king in the mountain kind of thing. I felt like, every time I walked in the room, I had the biggest dick in the room. Because it’s a very patriarchal, very boys’ club type thing. And to see all of these guys who laughed in my face now be like, “we’re not worthy.”

C: Yeah. And I’d be like, “do you know who my wife is?”

K: (laughs) So, I don’t know. I guess with my social needs changing, maybe my professional needs are changing, too. Trying to figure out how do I manage my new level of disability is another factor of it.

C: Mhm.

K: In the United States, I was always aware that I have a degenerative, progressive chronic illness in lupus.

C: Yeah.

K: And the hereditary coproporphyria just kind of adds a new layer to that. And so, I’ve always known that I need to be a chameleon, and I need to move with the times. And I need to go with the flow of the energy that I have. And the body that I have. Wherever my body’s at at any given time. And right now, I think some people have seen me online and are like, “why can’t you do – why aren’t you doing therapy. We see you online” And I’m like, “because I can be naked and in my bed online.” And I can’t be naked and in my bed, you know, while I’m doing therapy.

C: I think the timing aspect is big, too, and I’ve mentioned this before: 2’o’clock on a Thursday afternoon, when you might’ve been seeing a client, if you are awake, feeling good, feeling like engaging, he might be on social media. But there’s no guarantee that you would be.

K: No. There’s not.

C: And so, if I said to you, you have an appointment. You need to keep on Twitter at this time, and I did that to you 10, 15, 20 times a week… you would miss some of those appointments.

K: Absolutely.

C: And so, on social media, it’s a lot harder to notice, but if you are talking about it being 10/15/20 different people, you’d be flaking on appointments.

K: Yeah.

C: And you just don’t do that.

K: No. I push it through if I can. If I’m not having cognitive issues, I don’t let the physicality of it – and there are times that I’m crying in physical pain between clients.

C: Yeah.

K: They’re like, “well, how is that not causing cognitive issues?” I’m like, “it just not. It just doesn’t.” I go into such a different space once the therapy hour starts. And it’s a full 60 minutes. And so, most people end up getting 70 and 80 minutes in person. But, online, I’ve enjoyed that it’s 60 minutes. For the most part. Every now and then, it’s like 70 minutes, but it’s rare.

C: It’s a lot easier to just hang up on somebody after you say goodbye than say goodbye and then pretend to somebody who isn’t in your office.

K: I don’t hang up on people. I know my clients that do, “wait a minute.” And I’m like… “I have just a minute.”

C: I’m not saying you hang up in the middle of them talking.

K: Mhm.

C: Because I’ve never known you to do that to anybody.

K: Yeah.

C: I am saying that, when I’m talking to people in a meeting, when we’re done talking and say goodbye, I just close the window. And so, if they wanted to talk longer, they can’t – they can linger in that. They can linger in that Google meet room.

K: Yeah, but your meetings at your job are so weird. Because you have people that call meetings walk out in the middle of a meeting.

C: Yeah. Because they’re done.

K: And that was even when they were in the physical space.

C: Yeah.

K: You’d have people physically walk away from the meeting who called it.

C: Yes. Because the meeting had veered off into something else.

K: I think it’s cool that your job has kind of a think-tanky vibe. Where every – there’s this opportunity for all the people in any meeting to kind of riff. And… and bounce ideas off of each other and have an expansive meeting. And so, the meeting can start off as one thing and end as another. Unfortunately, you’re the person who everybody wants to bounce and rift with.

C: (laughs)

K: And so, there’s literally – there was one day that you did like 10 hours of meetings.

C: Yeah.

K: And I was like, “great. Chad’s going to have absolutely no words for me.” And so, I was like, “I know. Tell me about your meetings.”

(laughter)

C: Yeah. There have been days that I have completed 55 meetings before 10 am.

K: Yeah.

C: Because I tend to not say much in meetings relative to the amount that other people say.

K: Yeah.

C: And so, meetings with me go really quickly if there’s nothing to discuss. I’ve had meetings where people scheduled 2 hours. And they’re like, “so, this is what I want to do.” And I say, “sounds good.” And that’s the meeting.

K: Yeah.

C: And then I leave my calendar full and do other stuff. So, people look at it, and they say, “oh, Chad’s in a long meeting.”

K: (laughs)

C: Like, mentally, I still am.

K: But everybody does that.

C: Yeah. Everybody does that. But I think that

K: I’m surprised more people from your work don’t listen to our podcast.

C: Yeah. I don’t know if anybody does.

K: Do they even know about it?

C: I don’t know.

K: It’s cool if you haven’t told them. I mean, to me, you should have the right to privacy. Everybody tells their own story; everybody sets their own boundaries. But I know that they read your book.

C: Yeah. Some of them read my book.

K: Yeah. So, just that. I think some of them would want to listen.

C: I think probably some of them do listen, but it’s not like regular thing.

K: Well, and we have so many listeners in Australia, that

C: It’d be hard to spot. Yeah.

K: If the number goes up by one or two – not to be flossy.

C: Right.

K: But we are in the top 50% of all podcasts. Which is really hard to do in the current market with everybody having a podcast.

C: Right?

K: I was just like, every time a new podcast starts, I’m like, “dang.” But we’re such a niche, I think

C: Very much.

K: That there’s not a lot of people doing the podcast we’re doing, so…

C: Yeah. One of the reasons that we don’t get out sound quality just crystal clear is that it’d be embarrassing how fast we’d take over the market.

K: (laughs) The reason we don’t have crystal clear, perfect sound quality is because we need more patrons. We have not made that money yet. So, we’ve had the same wish list the entire time – well, no because we got the money for transcription now.

C: Yeah.

K: We have enough patrons that can afford transcription, which is nice because Chad’s AS. So, we really appreciate that. and that kind of brings us to the end of today’s show.

C: Yeah, it does.

K: And I actually know what we’re going to be talking about on the take two.

C: You say as you put on your glasses to read it.

K: (laughs)

C: I am outing you.

K: Rude, sir. Rude.

C: Because I know.

K: Yeah. So, you know – okay. What is it?

C: We are going to be talking about how we set a publication schedule at Cinnabar Moth.

K: (gasps) You did remember.

C: Yup.

K: Oh my gosh, this is payback for me not laughing at that earlier joke. So, y’all see what I go through.

C: You see me having knowledge as paying you back?

(laughter)

C: As some kind of vengeance?

K: I see you having knowledge

C: Lo, I am avenged by knowing things.

(laughter)

K: I see you putting me on blast.

C: Oh, okay.

K: I was like, “okay.” They don’t know I’m picking up my glasses.

C: Oh, no they could hear it. Those are noisy glasses.

K: Could they? Are they noi – I don’t think so.

C: There are some audio detectives out there who would be like, “what is this sound?”

K: (laughs)

C: “Oh, it is the sound of a person picking up reading glasses.”

K: If we have any audio detectives, please @ us @TheMusicks on Twitter and be like, “yup. Kisstopher. Heard your glasses, momma.”

C: (laughs)

K: And I’ll be like, “okay.” I will take that. And so, I’m agender, but I love momma. I love wife. I just don’t like she and her.

C: Yeah.

K: So yeah. It’s a pronoun thing. And I think anybody who’s not on the binary can relate to that. We’ll probably do like -that’ll be a good topic, I think.

C: I think so.

K: To talk about the difference of being non-binary in Japan versus the difference of being non-binary in the U.S.

C: I think that would be interesting.

K: Yeah. But you know us. We’ll forget about it and maybe we’ll record it someday, and maybe we won’t. Because we don’t like to promise that we’re going to do anything.

C: No.

K: (laughs) Thank you so much for listening. We appreciate your time and attention. And we hope that you’re gonna follow us on over to Patreon and, you know, for 2 bucks a month – just like if you only do it for one month, for 2 bucks, you can get over 100

C: That’d be a busy month, but yes.

K: You’ll have all the Musicks you can handle.

(laughter)

K: So, talk to you next week or talk to you in a few minutes.

C: Bye.

K: Bye.