K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about how things become traditions, and how those traditions become obligations, and how those obligations become universals. (laughs)
C: Like the universal “have to” you must do this.
K: Yeah. Okay, so for example, listicles. Right?
C: Right.
K: So, listicles
C: You know how I feel about listicles but go ahead.
K: Yes. Listicles have been around forever, and they start at the end of the year – top 20, top 10
C: Yeah.
K: And they’ve been around, like, all throughout the year. Who’s in the top 10, top 100. Humans like listicles.
C: Yes, I think in Mount Vesuvius, they found like top 10 Roman Emperors kind of thing.
K: (laughs) Okay. He’s being sarcastic. They didn’t find that in Mount Vesuvius.
C: Yeah. Vesuvius – mostly what they found was fast food restaurants, which that I’m not being sarcastic. They were like, “whoa, there’s all these fast-food restaurants, and we can see what people ate.”
K: Yeah.
C: So, fast food has been around for thousands of years. What the heck?
K: Because we’re lazy.
C: Right?
K: At our core.
C: Right?
K: I believe with our one mutual that’s #CancelLazy – there’s been like chronic illness and a desire to enjoy other people’s food our entire life. Our entire history.
C: I think so. You, like, work all day building the pyramids, you want to go have some beer and some fried food with your friends.
K: I thought it was so cool when they were able to proof that the pyramids were not built by slaves.
C: Yeah.
K: I thought that was so cool, but no one’s getting the memo. Like, no one’s believing that. I’m like, dude, they uncovered – like – high quality butchers.
C: Yeah.
K: They uncovered a whole tier system. They uncovered payment. They uncovered whole families living there. It was a public works thing.
C: And they were like, “what are these thousands of tubes of clay? Oh, they’re straws.”
K: (laughs)
C: So, even in the straw debate.
K: Oh my gosh.
C: You were late.
K: So, I wonder if that’s tied to Christianity, though. Like, they can’t – because that’s like sort of the heart of Christianity, and sort of at the heart of Judaism is that Jews were slaves.
C: Right.
K: And that, for the Christians, the whole Moses thing, right? So, I’m Jewish, and I’m down with science. I’m also an atheist, so I’m down with science.
C: Well, and the way that I learned Christianity, it was all about the persecution.
K: Yeah.
C: It was all about, “you know you’re right because they’re out to get you.”
K: Yeah.
C: Which, we see now… people can be out to get people who are wrong.
K: Yeah. Exactly. So, one of the other things – so, like, this time of year, it’s like the holiday season. And that’s sort of become, like, a universal around the world that this is the holiday season.
C: Yeah.
K: For Christian and non-Christian alike. That this is the time of year that everyone celebrates. And, to me, that – why? Why isn’t from… January to February the holiday season? Is it too far apart?
C: I think so. I think it’s the solstice. So, with the exception of Chinese New Year, which usually happens in February, most of the stuff happens around the solstice
K: And Eid.
C: Well, Eid rotates because that’s strictly a lunar calendar. So, that – like, sometimes happens in the summer. Sometimes happens in the winter. That kind of rotates around the calendar.
K: It’s a pretty big one.
C: It is a major one, but… most of the world is on the luna-solar calendar.
K: And what about Diwali?
C: Diwali I think is… mostly the same… season every year. Because they use
K: Sorry if I murdered the pronunciation of that. It’s how my girl friend would say it. So, I say it like she says it. And – I used to call it Duvali, and she’s like, “no. It’s Diwali.”
C: Yeah. She’s Telegu, so I don’t know if that’s the Hindi pronunciation or the Telegu pronunciation or what. But…
K: Or if she was punking me because she did have a cute sense of humor.
C: Yes, she did.
K: And she loved the fact I would just do – like, I went along with whatever. “Oh, it’s Diwali? Okay, I’ll call it Diwali.” Like, whatever she wanted, she’d just laugh hysterically.
C: She was not the only one who called it that, though.
K: Yeah, all of our girl friends did – all of my girl friends did.
C: Yeah. So
K: Well, they were your girl friends too, kind of.
C: Kind of. Not in the same context. It doesn’t have quite the same meaning.
K: Because you were friends with all their husbands.
C: Yes.
K: We were very… very gendered.
C: Yes. We were friends as couples, and it’s something we had been looking for when our son was young. Like, we need friends who are couples who have kids our son’s age.
K: Yeah. We were on the hunt for that.
C: Yeah.
K: And our one requirement was either they had to be… we had two things that they could be: either… as in love as we were
C: Right.
K: Or… not messing with us about how in love we were.
C: Yes.
K: Because we didn’t like being teased. Because we were super, duper in – we’re still super, duper in love. But people think it’s something to tease us about, and I don’t know why.
C: I don’t, either. Like, you’re just showing your jealousy.
K: Why are you poking fun? Yeah. Like, why are you poking fun? Yes, I’m completely in love with my husband. Why is that the thing you’re ridiculing?
C: “Oh my goodness. The horror.”
K: Yeah. I love my husband. (scoffs) Okay, but that’s not what this episode’s about.
C: Okay. Because it could be every episode.
K: (laughs)
C: Because I love my wife. That’s you.
K: Yes. Yes. I am very much his wife. I like being his wife. I know I’m agendered, but I like being his wife. So… um… it – basically, this time of year. So, we didn’t do it last week because, as you can tell, this week I’m feeling a lot better than I was over the past two weeks. I’m still really sick, but now I’m having pockets of I can get up and do it. And right now, we’re in one of my “I can get up and do it” pockets. And… that means thinking about, like… everything we want to accomplish this year.
C: Yes.
K: And, so, this year is just a natural time of introspection. And I think everyone’s introspective at this time of year. I think this is something… excuse me, that’s become a universal.
C: I think so. I knew a few people who liked to do it around their birthday.
K: I like to do it around my birthday.
C: Okay because you’re one of the people
K: Yeah.
C: Who are like, “why should I do it at the same time everybody else is doing it?”
K: Yeah.
C: “I should have my own special day of reckoning where I look at what’s been going on, where I want to be, what I need to do to get there
K: Yeah.
C: And kind of take in – take a personal inventory.
K: Which you will not do.
C: I don’t want to take a personal inventory. My – my rucksack is just, like, all messy. It’s got all kinds of receipts in it. You want me to take a personal inventory, it’s just like… my bag is full.
K: Yeah. Rasta does it the month before his birthday because I force him to.
C: Yeah.
K: So, I don’t know if he likes it or not. I feel like calling him up and asking him to be like a guest on the show, but I’m not gonna do it. See, it’s part of me being sick. I’m like, “how can I get more Rasta?”
C: (laughs)
K: I want more Rasta. I’m like fighting the urge to call him. I just want to snuggle with him.
C: Yeah, we talked about this last time.
K: I know. I just – like, I feel like everything would be easier if Rasta would just come snuggle me. Like, why won’t he come snuggle me? Come snuggle me.
C: You know he would if you called him up and said so.
K: I know, but that’s so inappropriate. Like, when he’s married with a kid, what? How am I gonna look?
C: It’s just very time – very time-intensive.
K: It is.
C: And I think he works for the family business. Like, just
K: But we haven’t been having him work over here because I’m sick, and I’m so hardcore about protecting him.
C: Yes.
K: From my sickness. He’s been singing me songs every day, which I love when he sings to me. Neither one of us can sing very well, but I love that he sings to me.
C: You both sing enthusiastically.
K: Yeah. You can hear the love in it, and the emotion.
C: Yes.
K: He emotes very well in his singing, and I can tell how much he loves me and how much he’s thinking about me to go through the trouble of making a recording and then sending it to me.
C: Yeah.
K: He’s very loving. So, Rasta and I do our… thing… on our birthdays. But because Chad has autism, one of the things that he learned is that, no, no, no. You do personal inventories on New Year’s Eve. He’s very specific. New Year’s Eve. So, me getting him to move away from it being New Year’s Eve… is an optical illusion. He’s already done it. He just knows that I may not be ready to do with the fact that he did it appropriately and on time. And he’s accepting that I’m late this year. Basically is where we’re at with this.
C: Or early. Sometimes, I can’t tell. Is she late or is she early? Because your birthday’s in June. Sometimes, you’re 6 months early. Sometimes, you’re 6 months late.
K: Yeah. But if it’s not… like, if – if we’re not recording this on December 31st – which we are not – then I am either early or late.
C: This is just the way things work. I don’t make the rules.
K: Yeah, you don’t make the rules, but you sure do follow them.
C: (laughs)
K: You sure do
C: That’s why they’re rules.
K: Promote them.
C: That’s why they’re rules. What’s the point of a rule if you don’t follow it?
K: So, this year, I don’t know. Maybe – Chad, do you want to go first with like – what’s the number one thing you want to accomplish this year? Lay it bare. Just go full raw.
C: I want to finish writing two books. I have two books that are in process. I want to finish writing both of them.
K: Wow, that would make me so happy.
C: I know it would.
K: As your publisher, I would (laughs) be so happy if you would just finish one of them, and you know which one I want you to finish.
C: And I worked on it today.
K: Wow, thank you.
C: Yeah, while you were sleeping, I did some work on it.
K: Thank you. That is so awesome, so you have pages for me to read.
C: Yes, it’s coming along, but it’s coming along slowly, but it is coming along.
K: (laughs) It’s almost written.
C: It is almost finished. Yes.
K: So, it’s like 7/8 done before editing?
C: Yeah, that sounds about right. Somewhere between 70 and 90% done.
K: Okay. That’s good. That’s – that’s awesome. That makes me super happy.
C: Yeah. I could see you smiling. I think people could probably hear you smiling.
K: They probably can.
C: The transcript is just gonna read (smiles loudly).
K: (laughs) Now it’s gonna read that because you said it.
C: Exactly, so I’m telling the truth there.
K: Yeah, you are. So, can you please put “smiles loudly” make sure you put parenthesis around it when Chad says it because that’s what he wants.
C: Thank you.
K: Yeah.
C: Yes.
K: Because he did like parenthesis in the air.
C: I did.
K: Not quotation marks. Parenthesis. They’re different.
C: Yeah. They’re different.
K: They are.
C: As a writer, I know these things.
K: (laughs) Yes. As a writer, you would know these things. By the way, did you know I’m a writer?
(laughter)
C: So, yeah, that’s what I want to do today. Because I feel like my day job has really settled down. They’re happy with me, I’m happy with them, everybody knows what’s going on with that. There’s not really any… thing to do there. I like to make steady progress on things. I’m in conte – perpetually self-educating about things. So, I have other goals, but the ones that I have as unusual are to finish these books. Because they’re things that… my life will be better if I do them, but things won’t fall apart if I don’t. I won’t feel like I’m not accomplishing anything or something.
K: So, for me… because in the publishing house, one of the major things I’d like to accomplish this year is I would love for you to sign your author’s contract.
C: Yeah.
K: Yeah. I’d love for you to actually be signed with Cinnabar Moth.
C: Wow.
K: Yeah. I’m putting it out there. (laughs) I’d love for you to actually sign your contract.
C: I’ll have to talk to the contract person about that and see when they can get to that.
K: Yes. Can you please sign your contract?
C: I have to talk to the contract person about that and get them to send it.
K: I just put him on blast that he hasn’t signed yet. I know that Cinnabar Moth put out an announcement – it’s because we’re publishing his book on February 16th, and we’ve already spent a lot of money on it. And I’m just trusting him that he’s not gonna screw over the company, and that he’s gonna actually sign his contract. So, that’s my major project before the 16th is getting him to sign his contract.
C: See, it’s tricky because we use Adobe Sign. Which sends, as me because I’m the one with the account – which I didn’t know what it’d do – and it also sends the contracts in Japanese.
K: Which is really weird.
C: Like, the contract itself is in English because it sends the document, but it sends the request in Japanese.
K: Yes.
C: So, when we’ve signed people, I’ve had to send them a note saying, “you’re going to get a request. It’s in Japanese. There should be a translate button.”
K: Because we are a Japanese company.
C: Yes. But Adobe does not give me the option to have it sent in English.
K: Which is preventing you, who can read Japanese, from signing it how?
C: Exactly.
K: But how?
C: Because I need to send it to myself, and I can’t be both people. So, somebody else needs to sign it and then send it to me, and then I will sign it.
K: So, why don’t you send it to me? And then I’ll send it back to you.
C: This works.
K: I know it works.
C: We’ve got a plan.
K: Life with an autistic partner. I didn’t know why you weren’t signing the contract. Because no one sent it to you.
C: Yeah.
K: Okay, so please send me the contract, and then I will send it to you.
C: Okay.
K: And ask you to please sign it.
C: Yes. We’ve got a plan.
K: Yes. Woohoo. Choo choo.
(laughs)
K: Y’all think we’re playing, and we’re not. It is so seriously (laughs) like what’s going to happen.
C: (laughs)
K: And so, I’m going to have to like – after this episode – I’m going to have to send Chad an email, “hey, send me the contract so I can send it to you to sign.”
C: Yeah.
K: Like, that’s really what’s going to happen. So, yeah. I want that to happen, and then… I would love, love, love to… find – so, I have mostly January goals.
C: Mhm.
K: Like, everything that’s in my head right now are January goals. I would love to find a cover artist for Gracie and Zeus Live the Dream.
C: Yeah. And I think that will happen.
K: It’s so complicated because we want an illustrated cover, but we don’t want it to look middle grade. And, with illustrated covers – if you use people’s faces, it’s really hard. And it taking place in the punk rock scene but being pastel punk… pastel EDM and pastel goth – like, that’s sort of the blend that we’re looking for. So, it’s basically neon.
C: Yeah.
K: So, we need basically a neon cover that doesn’t look middle grade. So, that’s… been my focus the – now that I’m starting to feel better. And it doesn’t help that I lost, you know, the first two weeks of the month
C: Yeah.
K: By being sick. So, I’m hoping we’re able to get a… cover art for our second book that’s coming out, and I’m also (clears throat) I’m super, super happy that all of our advertising has gone out this month. And… I’m – we’ll talk about that more on the take two. The process of advertising. And then… so, yeah. Everything in my world is just like… I’m living between now and February 16th.
C: Mhm.
K: And that, I’m living from February 16th trying to determine if I’m living from February to May or February to August. And then… so, I don’t really have… a year plan. Like, I don’t have this year planned out. It feels very topsy-turvy for me.
C: But I think you’ve got some major things planned out that you haven’t mentioned. So, you’ve got your major things planned out about your PHD dissertation and your other work.
K: No, being sick has thrown my PHD into turmoil. Being sick has thrown everything into turmoil.
C: Yeah.
K: And so… like, I’m on submission for part of my PHD. I’m hoping that – that’s another thing that I’m hoping to finish by August. So, I have a lot of things that I’m hoping to finish by August.
C: Yeah.
K: So, I don’t have anything – I’m not looking beyond August. I’m not looking into September.
C: Mhm
K: Which I think kind of challenges you because you really do try and force the year’s planning to happen in January. And you’ve been unsuccessful for over 20 years.
C: I have been, and I think I’ve gotten a bit better. I think I’ve gotten a bit more relaxed… in acknowledging that you do your planning around your birthday.
K: (laughs) Everybody just heard you. Everybody just heard you like, “no, no babe, don’t say that. You’ve got the whole year planned.” (laughs) “You’ve got other stuff planned.” I’m like, no I don’t. You’ve got until August out of me. Feel good.
C: I’m trying to make this a universal.
K: Yeah, and this is not – this is
C: It’s like a habit that becomes a universal. I’m like, can we just skip to the universal part where everything is the way Chad wants it?
K: No. So, what’s your – do you have a year plan? Like, finishing your two books, that feels so loosey-goosey to me. That’s why I think it’s like this whole… year plan thing, I think for you, is a farce.
C: It is a farce.
K: Yeah because I don’t think you – you don’t like
C: It is a farce and a folly. Yeah.
K: You don’t like plans.
C: I – I think that I like goals better than plans. And I know that some people are like, “well, if you have a goal without a plan, it’s just a wish.” But I like to
K: That was very pointedly at me.
C: You are not – you’ve never said that to me.
K: No, I haven’t.
C: Other people have said directly those words to me.
K: Okay. Yeah, no, I haven’t.
C: But I like to have a long-term goal where I know where I’m headed, and then I make very short-term plans to make progress toward it. And that’s worked out very well for me. Just say, “I’m going to make continual progress toward this goal” because I find that it keeps me from going too much off in random directions that don’t have anything to do with my goal. And, yes, I see the looks. There are a couple of years we’re not going to talk about.
K: Yes.
C: Where I was going off in odd directions.
K: Yes. Quite a few years.
C: But I feel like I have brought that knowledge back into the present and made use of it.
K: So, one of our very good friends who I absolutely adore who is in the United States – and yes, I am talking to you. You’re probably – oh because of Covid, you’re probably not on your way to the gym. But if you weren’t – if it wasn’t Covid, you’d be on your way to the gym. So, you know that I’m talking about you.
C: (laughs)
K: (laughs) That was so just like… secret message in a bottle to a good friend that I happen to adore.
C: All of our listeners are very muscular people.
K: Yes. So – but this particular Musick Note knows.
C: Yes.
K: Because they’ve been here, since – I feel like since really early on in the process, they’ve been
C: Yes, definitely.
K: They’ve been with us. And… they’re also a mutual on Twitter. So, yes. I’m talking about you, babycakes. And I don’t know if babycakes is demeaning or not.
C: I think it is. I think no matter who you’re talking to, unless they’re like literally little, tiny cakes
K: Should it be like beefcakes? But that feels too erotic.
C: Why is that plural?
K: Because – like, each chest – each pectoral is a beefcake? Or are beefcakes someone’s buttocks? Because if it’s someone’s buttocks
C: No, it’s not
K: Then that’s sexual.
C: I can’t
K: And I’m not trying to be sexual.
C: I can’t believe you don’t know this.
K: I – what are beef
C: Beefcake is the manly equivalent of cheesecake for women.
K: Cheesecake for women is a yeast infection. What are you talking about?
C: No, no, no. Like the Betty Paige pinup.
K: Uh-huh.
C: Are also called cheesecake photos.
K: No, they were not.
C: Not at the time. They are now.
K: What are you talking about?
C: I am talking about, like
K: I have been in a pinup – in my youth. I don’t do pinup work anymore.
C: Right. Right. I am talking about like
K: At one time, I had one of the top selling postcards.
C: Yes.
K: In America. Which I’m super proud of.
C: yes. And it was not a French postcard. It was an American postcard.
K: Yeah. It was an American postcard. And it was – it was a retro postcard. You saw the postcard.
C: Yeah, I did.
K: It’s a real thing.
C: Yeah.
K: So, okay. So, what is the beefcake?
C: Okay.
K: So, cheesecake to me is always going to sound like yeast infection.
C: And, yeah, that’s not what it is all.
K: (laughs) Okay.
C: So, in like comics
K: So, wait is cheesecake supposed to be like – not the bdsm postcards but like… she has one leg up, she’s in spiked heels but only has an apron on and is bringing dinner to the table?
C: Yeah. And it comes from comics, too, so
K: Okay, so beefcake is he’s sitting naked at the dinner table with a pipe?
C: No, beefcake is more like he’s shirtless and chopping wood.
K: Okay. That’s not at all how I’m envisioning you when I’m saying that. I’m sorry for sexualizing you.
C: (laughs)
K: Completely not my intention. I did not mean to sexualize you. I meant to share endearment.
C: Yeah.
K: So, maybe lemon drop? Because we shared lemon candy?
C: Yeah, there you go.
K: Or… see, my mind went someplace even more profane. I’m like, but then we’ve got those tea bags. And then I’m like, girl no. You know not teabags.
C: You know that.
K: Yeah.
C: Yeah.
K: So, I’m so sorry that you’re even part of this. That you’re even having to hear all this sexualization. You have – a – soft spot – I have a soft spot in my heart for you that is non-sexual and pure friendship, so I’m in no way sexualizing you. Random term of endearment, you can let us know.
C: Yes.
K: Like… wonderful… no. I’m just not going to… everything is just really hyper-sexualized that I’m thinking of.
C: Yeah, what’s up with you on that?
K: I don’t know.
C: You’re like, “I’ve been sick. I’ve been flat in bed for 3 weeks because I couldn’t move.”
K: I did have erotic dreams about you for the past 3 hours. Like, right before we recorded these.
C: Mm.
K: I had all these erotic dreams, and I was like, “ohh. I’m going to get up, and I’m going to get me some.”
C: (laughs)
K: And then I got up and like… I – as soon as I sat up, I was like, ohhhh. In pain.
C: You got up, and you were like, “I don’t think I’m going to vomit.”
K: Yeah. I was like, I need help getting out of bed so I can go to the bathroom. Just know that if I was not sick…
C: (laughs)
K: I’d be all over that.
C: Okay.
K: I’d be tearing
C: Things would be going down.
K: Yes.
C: (laughs)
K: So, my emotional space is that… I like – I woke up, I jumped on you, it was wild ride. Amazing. Hours and hours. Days and days. And… yeah. That’s where my
C: Universal.
K: Yeah. Yeah.
C: Yeah.
K: A universal, just… the boom.
C: Mhm.
K: Yeah.
C: The big bang.
K: Yes. It was – and it was amazing. So, those were the dreams I was having. Except they were really weird because they were on… like everything was on a peddle horse. Like, we were having sex on all these types of peddle horses.
C: What is a peddle horse?
K: A peddle horse is those rides on the… in the playground that they have pedals and handles and you can pump them back and forth and
C: Oh, that are just like the big spring basically?
K: They’re kind of like the spring horses, but they’re not on a spring.
C: Okay.
K: They’re on a stand, and when you peddle them, they go up and down, or they spin.
C: Interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen those, but they sound like they’d make me very ill.
K: Yeah, it’s not anything you would enjoy.
C: Yeah.
K: And I think it’s because I’ve been watching the Mandalorian
C: Mmm.
K: And the… motorcycles that they have on the Mandalorian – the scooters that they have that just float in the air and go – remind me of a peddle horse.
C: Okay.
K: And… so, yeah. Just any time I see – because every time we watch a movie or tv show where people are doing amazing feats of strength or accuracy, I look over at Chad, and I’m like, “you could do that.”
C: Yes.
K: Like, you – oh, they’re so lucky it’s not you. Because you would so do that.
C: Yes.
K: Yeah.
C: I forget how many – however many years ago when it came out – we were watching Beowulf, and you were like, “you could to that. You could vault over somebody’s head and just come up behind them.”
K: Yeah, we were watching the animated
C: Yeah.
K: The animated one.
C: I was like, “it’s animated because nobody could do this in real life.” And you said, “except you.”
K: No. When we saw Eastern Promises, Vida Mortensen. Best fight scene ever: naked in the steam room.
C: That was a good fight scene. Yes.
K: You could so do that. You could so do that. Like, why limit yourself?
C: But I’ve got asthma. Like, the steam room would be bad for me.
K: Just admit you could do it.
C: I could do it.
K: Yes. Thank you.
C: I just wouldn’t be happy about it.
K: (laughs) He was not happy about it.
C: Yes, he was.
K: Spoiler alert.
C: He was like, “I’m an actor. I’m getting paid. I’m happy about this.”
K: No. He was not happy about it.
C: (laughs)
K: He said it was a very scary, uncomfortable scene for him
C: Mhm.
K: But he was just happy to get it.
C: Yeah.
K: He was happy to
C: Committed to doing his own stunt.
K: He did some of the stunts. He didn’t do all of them.
C: Yes.
K: But he did a lot of – because you couldn’t replace somebody for a lot of that scene. It was right up in his face.
C: That’s why I said stunt rather than stunts plural.
K: Yeah. So, if you haven’t seen Eastern Promises, it’s a really good show. You should see it.
C: Yes.
K: And I really liked Vida Mortensen. He was so respectful to – like, at first, he wasn’t taking his hand tattoos off. Then he was like, “no, these tattoos mean something in the part of the world that we’re in, so I’m taking them off to not be cultural insensitive.” And that made me like him more.
C: Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, you find things out about stars, and you’re like, “oh. I don’t like you anymore.”
K: Yeah.
C: And other times
K: So, I try not to find out stuff about stars.
C: And other times, you’re like, “woah. You’re better than I thought. You’re better than an average human so far as I can tell, and I reserve the right to revoke that judgment if terrible things come out about you.”
K: Yeah. There have been people that, like, really surprised me. Like Keke Palmer. So, Keke Palmer… famously, a few years back – and I think we might’ve talked about this before – she was at a party, and they decided to make it a video shoot for a rapper’s song. And she hid in the closet. And a lot of gossip people came out and made fun of her for hiding in the closet, so that they couldn’t get any shots of her. And Keke said, “no. I’m not going to be out here looking crazy. Where’s my makeup? Where’s my hair? I’m Keke Palmer.”
C: Yeah.
K: Like… “I’m not going to be out here like that. I’m not asking for pay. I’m not asking for ridiculous things. I’m asking to look good on camera.”
C: Yeah.
K: “That’s what I’m asking for. And you’re telling me you don’t have anybody. I signed a non-disclosure when I came to the party that” you know, when everybody’s famous at a party, you sign a non-disclosure. And that’s cool. “So, because I’m going a non-disclosure party and everybody’s keeping their phones at the door, I didn’t put on any makeup.”
C: Yeah.
K: Because no one’s supposed to be filming. “And then all of a sudden you want to bust out cameras. That’s not gonna happen.” And Wendy Williams… being Wendy Williams talked out the side of her mouth. And Keke Palmer – this was the last episode of Wendy Williams I ever watched. Keke Palmer had came out and said, “you know, Wendy, I wish you had been a better sister to me.”
C: Mhm.
K: “I wish you had said, ‘what happened to my sister was wrong.’”
C: Mhm.
K: “‘This shouldn’t – she shouldn’t have had to hide in the closet. She should’ve had hair and makeup. It should’ve been done professionally. Everybody on that set, man woman and child should have known that they were going to be in a video.’ Just because I come to a party does not give you a right to my likeness, and I wish that you had been more down for me.” And her Twitter feed is awesome, and she’s an activist. And she’s got her head on right.
C: Well, and I think it goes back to what you were saying about normalizing things. I think normalizing standards of behavior.
K: Yeah.
C: Just treat people professionally. Don’t assume that just because you’ve got somebody in front of you that they’re down for whatever.
K: Well, no man or woman wants to be on – on a high – at a high-def shoot with no makeup.
C: Okay.
K: You’re going to look horrible.
C: Yes.
K: They’re going to see, like, if you have enlarged pores or what have you. I have green veins, and I’m like – I would be made as hell if someone did not have some color correction for me on set.
C: Yeah. I don’t remember the last time that I wore makeup – it’s been a while – but when I was going to be filmed, I wore makeup.
K: Yes.
C: Because that’s what you do.
K: Yeah. And, so, for me – I have green veins on the inside of my nose. Which, now, a lot of people have taken to – I’ve done – I did it for years. I did it first. No, the Egyptians did it before me, but I would always put like
C: (laughs)
K: Color on the inside of my eyes because it’s so hard to color correct those green veins.
C: Yeah.
K: So, I would just extend my eyes up into the points of my nose. And now everyone does that, and I think – I’m glad everyone does it now. So, thank you Mario for… doing that classic, like, contoured – that over-contoured face.
C: Mhm.
K: Which, again, is something that’s just become part of the norm. And there are people taking in, with filters and stuff, that are taking their filters into their doctors – plastic surgeon – and being like, “can you make my face look like this filter?”
C: (laughs)
K: And I’m like – some people are upset about it, and I don’t know why. If they have the money
C: Yeah.
K: And the doctor can achieve it, I’m like – I’m all for people getting plastic surgery. And I’m fine with people lying about getting plastic surgery. Because, for me, I feel like… if you’re – if you’re allowing your child to be more influenced by the media than by you, that’s hours on the clock.
C: So, I feel like – with plastic surgeons in particular – they’re part of a category of things where you might dislike the thing that they make their money at, but if you realize the reason that they came about, you’ll… you’ll be happy about them. Like, I don’t have any issues with plastic surgery, so I don’t have this, but plastic surgeons started out doing repairs for people injured in like wars and…
K: World War 1 particularly. Specifically.
C: And industrial accidents and all of that. So, I feel like without the plastic surgeon industry, you wouldn’t have enough people to handle all of that stuff. Along the same lines, just like a shoutout to all my friends and… non-friends and people who are potheads. I feel like they kept the pot industry going through the prohibition in the U.S.
K: They kept the what?
C: Pot industry. Going. And because they were potheads, they started doing all these extracts with the CBD and the THC and all that
K: Plastic surgeons?
C: No.
K: Okay. Who? You’ve lost me.
C: Just like pot smokers. Potheads.
K: Okay, so plastic surgeons are like potheads – that’s a weird segue.
C: Yes. It is a weird segue.
K: Okay, he’s going to bring it around for us folks, so we’re going to let him go.
C: Okay.
K: We’re going to just see where this goes.
C: So, I take CBD for seizures, which I think everybody who listens knows.
K: Yeah. All our Musick Notes know.
C: But the only way that CBD comes about is by there being lots of pot and people doing experimentation on pot.
K: Yes.
C: To find out how to get a better high, and to find out which parts make you high and which parts don’t.
K: Yes.
C: CBD doesn’t.
K: No.
C: So, because there were so many potheads looking for a better high, they found CBD.
K: Yes.
C: And learned how to extract it. And it’s economical because there’s enough of a pot economy that taking this one extract that’s useful to hardly anybody
K: Only useful to people with seizures.
C: Right.
K: And only a percentage of people with seizures
C: Right.
K: But if you have epilepsy, please try CBD.
C: That they can sell it on at a price that’s affordable.
K: Yeah. And you can get – if THC is not legal where you live, get the CBD without THC. THC is the part of marijuana that makes you high. We talk about it often, but I’m telling you. It is – it has been a miracle for Chad’s life. But now bring it back to plastic surgery, babe.
C: So, I feel like even if you think, “oh the plastic surgery industry is horrible. Nobody who hasn’t been in an accident or something like that should be able to have plastic surgery.” If you didn’t have that economy of people having plastic surgery for reasons of just “I want to change the way I look” there would not be the ready economy of it being affordable to have corrective plastic surgery.
K: Okay.
C: That’s me bringing it back around.
K: Okay. So, I’m pro-plastic surgery. If – I don’t care how you get there. Get there if you can.
C: Get there if you want to.
K: Get there if you can. Because plastic surgery’s not cheap. And… I’ve had clients that were like really angry at me because they’re not the type of people who would get plastic surgery, but they have this one part of their body that they don’t like. That they could fix with a surgical fix. And… a client that no one will be able to figure out who it is by me saying their foot. A client hated their feet.
C: Mhm.
K: And really didn’t like the way their foot looked, and I said, “you know, you can have foot surgery done to correct the way your feet look.” Because it was really impeding their life. This was back in the United States, and in the state of California, open-toed shoes is a huge thing. And this particular client couldn’t wear open-toed shoes, and it was destroying their life. They couldn’t go to the beach – there was like all these things they couldn’t do. They couldn’t go to pool parties.
C: Yeah. I wore shorts and sandals in California, but I didn’t wear socks with my sandals usually.
K: Yes. Because I would not allow that to happen.
C: (laughs)
K: And you never wanted to.
C: No.
K: So, they were like, “I’m not the kind of person who’s so vain to have that done” but I’m like, “this will change the quality of your life.”
C: Yeah.
K: And I say this to women about breast surgery – I say this to men and women about breast surgery, about liposuction. About all types of surgeries that there is an inherent risk in having surgery done.
C: Right.
K: And surgery doesn’t fix everything. Like, I’m an obese person. I would never have my stomach – like a sleeve or anything put on that. But I’m obese by choice. Like, I want to be fat.
C: Mhm.
K: And, like… sometimes, I doubt, like do I want to be fat or not? And then I’ll lose weight, and I’ll be like, I don’t like this.
C: Mhm.
K: I don’t like the way my body feels. I don’t like the way my body moves. I just don’t think it’s as sexy. I like a big, round belly. Bellies are sexy.
C: Well, you know I like it no matter what it looks like.
K: Yeah. You like a big, round belly.
C: I do, but I’ve liked the full range of Kisstopher I’ve seen.
K: Mmn. When we first got together, you thought I was too thin.
C: But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. I can think that there’s room for improvement but still like something.
K: (laughs) And so, for us, being heavy is sexy and… our norm. And our culture. And that used to be the way. When there were food shortages, it used to be that, like… here’s proof I can eat.
C: Mhm.
K: (laughs) And now, it seems that depravation is what’s… considered sexy. Like, starve yourself or go to the gym and do, like… extreme things to your body. Like, become – like a Hemsworth.
C: Mhm.
K: That seems to be like the – the male goal. I don’t know who the female goal is.
C: I think that it… so varies depending on… part of the world and… sexual orientation, and color, and… just all kinds of different things. Like, I think if you look at the Williams Sisters that… they’re gorgeous.
K: Yeah, they’re – those – them some sexy women.
C: Right?
K: Yeah.
C: But very muscular and very sporty, and not everybody
K: And they’re so tall. I love a tall woman.
C: And not everybody likes that aesthetic.
K: I love a tall woman. Like, tall women give me the ya-yas. But not tall men. I love a tall woman.
C: Well, and I know a particular person that you – that you had the ya-yas for a long time.
K: Yeah.
C: He’s now old enough that I think you’d be like, “I still have the ya-yas for them.”
K: Who?
C: Grace Jones.
K: Yeah, no, Grace is forever.
C: (laughs) You were ready for that. (laughs)
K: Yeah, I know Grace Jones. We met. I had an opportunity to be with Grace Jones, and I did not take it. But… yeah. No, Grace is dead sexy. In her 80s singing – doing the hula hoop while she sings? Come on now.
C: Mhm.
K: That is dead sexy.
C: But I think
K: Like, YouTube it. She seriously sings while doing the hula hoop.
C: Yeah.
K: The entire time. For the entire song. It is – like – just so amazing. She’s such an interesting person.
C: So, but even with just within dark, black women, those are two different body types completely that are both considered beautiful.
K: Yeah. And Normani’s dead sexy.
C: Yeah.
K: Normani is dead sexy. Everybody knows Normani’s sexy.
C: Mhm.
K: Like, way sexy. Like, she’s hot.
C: (laughs)
K: She’s hot. So… and athletic. That’s awesome. Yeah. So, I like – I love really, really dark-skinned people. I think dark skinned women are so sexy. And I think dark skinned men are really sexy, too. I – everybody knows I like so dark that the sheen on the skin is kind of purple-ish. I love that.
C: Mhm.
K: That is just so beautiful. And… on the other spectrum of it, I like white skin that is so white it looks like it’s translucent like my husband.
C: Yes.
K: I love how white you are.
C: (laughs)
K: I’m like, your skin is so white. I love extreme skin tones.
C: I have a very high albedo.
K: Yeah. It’s just so – you’re so white. I love it.
C: I’m very reflective, like I go outside, and people are like, “look away. He’s too shiny.”
K: (laughs) You go outside, and people call you Santa. (laughs)
C: They do.
K: Hey Santa. (laughs)
C: I think that’s about the long, white beard.
K: Yeah, that is – and that’s a thing, too. Beards. Mm. Mm. Love a beard. But I recently found out not on everyone.
C: Interesting.
K: Yeah. I recently seen a couple of people, like – it feels like it’s been trending for the past month. I see people with a beard, and I’m like, “oh. That does not look good on you.” And I always thought beards were universally sexy.
C: Mhm.
K: But they’re not.
C: See? Is anything truly universal?
K: No, I guess things aren’t truly universal. I think it depends on who you ask, and what universe you’re in. Because just looking at the difference in our universes.
C: Yeah, I think this is a really big thing is what universe you’re in. Because the mathematician in me gets very excited. Like, oh, she knows there’s different universes.
K: Yes. So, geek out for a minute.
C: Well, when you’re talking about math, if you’re talking about any particular problem, you have to define the universe. If you want to say, “everything except” – then you have to know what everything is. So – and mathematicians will usually draw a box and label that box “you” – so if you look at Venn diagrams for example. What are the things that are outside of all the circles?
K: Yeah.
C: That’s the universe. So, people will sometimes put a box around that to say, like, things that are none of these three things. And it’s usually three things because Venn diagrams for a regular polygon – or a circle – the most you can have is three. But if you have rectangles, you can have four. But there’s no – no shape with straight sides that’s convex that you can have five and have it be a perfect Venn diagram.
K: Interesting.
C: Right? I am fascinated by this kind of stuff.
K: I hope that everyone can hear the light in your eyes because your eyes are like illuminescent when you talk about math. You light up.
C: I find it just so interesting and so fun.
K: You seem just so excited and so… happy.
C: Yeah. And I don’t want to reinforce stereotypes here. I’m not happy about math because I’m autistic. I’m happy about math because I’m happy about math. That’s why I studied it
K: Yeah. So, what are you talking about? What does that have to do with being autism?
C: Some people are like
K: With autism, not being autism.
C: “Well of course you’re good at math because you’re autistic.” But I know way
K: That doesn’t make any sense.
C: It doesn’t. We know way too many people who are no good at math who are autistic.
K: Yeah, like what are you talking about?
C: The stereotype.
K: Oh, okay. The wrong stereotype?
C: Yeah. The wrong stereotype.
K: Because that makes no sense to me.
C: Because it’s not universal.
K: You’re the only person I know with autism who’s good at math.
C: Yeah.
K: Literally.
C: (laughs)
K: Like, literally. None of – I’m trying to think. Like, no. None of them are even interested. None of our other friends with autism are even interested in math.
C: I know – I know a couple.
K: Yeah. That are mathematicians. But, like… we have 4 or 5 friends that are autistic, and none of them
C: Yeah.
K: Like math.
C: Some of them have dyscalculia. They’re like, “I can’t do math at all.”
K: Yeah. So…
C: I’m like, “let me prove you wrong.” So far, nobody’s taken me up on the offer. But… sometime, somebody will.
K: I wonder why.
C: (laughs)
K: “I have a disability where I can’t do this thing.” “Let me prove to you that your disability isn’t real.” No thank you. I’d like to remain friends with you, weirdo.
C: I think it’s still real. I just think there are ways to work around it. Like being dyslexic but still reading. But that’s a whole other
K: So, you have not once ever been able to get around my dyslexia.
C: No.
K: You have all these theories, and I think the main thing why you can’t do it is because you know almost nothing about dyslexia.
C: Yeah.
K: And I think therein lies the problem is that
C: I think so.
K: You’re starting at solution for a problem you don’t even understand because you won’t research it.
C: Yeah, I think so. Well, when I do, it doesn’t make any sense to me. And I think this is where I’m different is that… from researchers – not from people generally – I’m not claiming any specialness – is that I say, “okay, it doesn’t make any sense to me, so it’s not for me.”
K: Yeah.
C: I’m not a dyslexia researcher. I don’t need to figure it out. Because… you’ve got it figured out for yourself. Like, it doesn’t… it’s not a problem I need to fix.
K: And we’re going to send our one friend a message because I really feel bad – I don’t want them to feel bad because they have a soft spot in my heart.
C: Okay.
K: So, can you please message them and forewarn them.
C: I will forewarn them.
K: That is just gets wonky.
C: Of the episode content.
K: I feel so awkward now.
C: It won’t be awkward. I’ll make sure it’ s not awkward.
K: Yeah. Make sure it’s not awkward because it’s coming from a place of love.
C: Yes.
K: It’s coming from a place of love and respect, and the point that I was trying to make is that they’ve been a really great – a really significant force of good in your life.
C: Yeah.
K: And they really put you on a really great learning – studying – they put you on a path and gave you direction. The really helped you find
C: Yeah.
K: Your place in this new landscape in the modern world. And that you kind of stepped away for a decade – they helped you step back into a world where the landscape had completely changed.
C: Yeah.
K: And really did a lot of great signposting for you. So, it was just really about me saying I think you’re an amazing human. And, so, just human to human. You’re awesome.
C: Yeah.
K: And I’m sorry it got weird. But as with most things with me and… and praise, it gets weird. Because I’m an effusive praiser.
C: You are.
K: I am effusive and over the top. So, the people who interact with me on Twitter – they love it. Like, “you’re so awesome. You’re so sexy. You’re ten kinds of awesomesauce. I love you. You’re amazing.” And so… (laughs) Chad was worried people would mistake that for him. I’m like, “sweetie. You don’t praise people on Twitter ever.”
C: Sometimes, I’m like, “I think you are marginally better than the average human.”
K: (laughs)
C: And they’re like, “that is high praise. High praise from you, Chad.”
K: Okay. On that note, we’re gonna go over to – head on over to the take two and, as we told, we’re going to be talking about advertising. That portion of the… business. And it’s gonna be a split topic, so… head on over. We’ve got a couple things that we’re gonna be talking about. And it’s all about publishing and the book, and we hope that y’all are still finding that series interesting. And thank you for going on this wonky bizarre ride about traditions and how we don’t have any. (laughs)
C: Yes. Thank you.
K: Thanks for listening. Talk to you next week.
C: Bye.
K: Bye.
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