K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about divorcing Japan. Like, a hard, ugly, nasty… wicked divorce.

C: Like, “I don’t want to see you no more.”

K: Yes, like

C: “And I’m taking the kids.”

K: Yes.

C: “And you’re keeping the dog that keeps shitting on the floor.”

(laughter)

K: I think most people fight for the dog, don’t they?

C: Most people, but I’m not a dog lover.

K: (laughs)

C: I know it’ll be shocking. I know it might even be offensive to some people.

K: Oh my gosh the hate we’re going to get from you saying you’re not a dog lover.

C: I understand why people love dogs. I do.

K: No. You don’t. You pretend that you do.

C: I do because I have

K: Okay, what’s – why? Tell me. Explain it.

C: Dogs are loyable – loyal and lovable and all of that.

K: Okay.

C: So, the reason that I don’t like dogs personally is because my childhood growing up I had really, really severe asthma.

K: Mm. Yeah.

C: And, so, I got told hundreds of times “if you have a dog, you will die of asthma.”

K: Yeah. And I don’t like dogs because I don’t like anything that licks my face. I don’t like my face touched at all.

C: Yeah, you really don’t like it when I lick your face, either.

K: No.

C: Just, the morning lick, you’re just like “can you please stop?”

K: Yeah, I really, really don’t like it. And Chad never licks my face. Like, I don’t even like jokes about it.

C: (laughs) Okay.

K: The only thing I’m more serious about is not getting my eyelashes wet.

C: No. There’s – there’s the other one.

K: What’s the other one?

C: Don’t make your ears hot.

K: Don’t make me what?

C: Don’t make your ears hot.

K: Ohhh. Yes. That’s the main one.

C: (laughs)

K: Do not even make my ears hot.

C: Which is why you want to break up with Japan.

K: Yes. Because I feel like this behavior – okay, first we have to talk about Japan’s behavior in September because I think anyone who doesn’t live – so, anyone who lives here, I think they’re going to have our backs on this. And anyone who doesn’t live here, there’s just some ugly truths that

C: See, you’d think that – you’d think that but, I will tell you later that I disagree that everybody here would have our back.

K: Okay, maybe not all the Japanese, but all the foreigners.

C: No. No. The foreigners are the worst. The Japanese – Japanese people are like “it is too hot.” They’re like “atsuisugi”

K: Yeah. So… in September, there’s like – so, in mid-September, there’ll be like a couple of reasonably temperatured days, and even a couple of cool days, and then BAM out of nowhere, just like… August weather days. Where it’s hot, and the humidity is high

C: Yeah.

K: And, so, like I never know how to dress – well, I wear the same thing every day, and I’m still quarantined, so

C: Where it’s like 37 Celsius, 100 Fahrenheit.

K: Yeah, like, I have to confess this: I actually wore – so, I wear the same thing every day which y’all already know, and it’s a tank top and either a short-sleeved sweater or a short-sleeved shirt. I have some long-sleeve shirts I don’t really wear, but the other week I wore a t-shirt to work because I was like “what is the difference really? Can anyone tell?” Because I’m on Skype or Zoom and so no one can tell. And everybody knows I’m in sweatpants. I’m not ashamed of that or anything.

C: No, my job, people are like – even the CIO – was like “is anybody spending money on pants anymore?”

K: Well, and I have a lot of clients who wear undies – no bottoms at all – and see-through tops.

C: Okay, the see-through tops part doesn’t happen at work but

K: And sometimes they get up, and I’m like “ohh, hello.”

(laughter)

K: It’s not anything pervy because the power dynamic.

C: Yeah.

K: They’re not sexual entities to me. It’s just, like… I’m like “dang I wish I could get away with that.”

C: Uh-huh.

K: Because I haven’t gone to the place of not wearing a bra.

C: Mmm.

K: I don’t wear a bra – like – the second I’m not at work, I’m not wearing a bra.

C: Right.

K: But at the beginning of the workday, how – everybody knows

C: You strap up.

K: Yeah. I strap them in, and then at the end of the workday, I strap them out.

C: You’re as strapped as like a bodyguard.

K: Yeah. So… I take them out – take them out, let them run free, but I haven’t gotten to the place, and I wonder like – there have been days that I’ve thought about it. Because, like, my sh – it’s shoulders up. They can’t even see my boobs.

C: Mm.

K: So, like, would they really know? I just feel like that would be just so – I would feel so unprofessional.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

K: Like, I wouldn’t – I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel like I was at work. And I don’t even know if I could take myself seriously if I wasn’t wearing a bra. Which is so weird.

C: I read those articles that are like “dress up completely as if you’re going to the office” and I’m like… no.

K: Why? Yeah. Why?

C: Absolutely not. I still feel like I’m at work. I go sit down at my chair, and I do my work. But

K: Right? So… like… what the hell are they on about? So, that’s for people who have motivation problems.

C: Yeah, I think so.

K: So, I do have a few clients that are motivated by their work clothes.

C: Mhm.

K: So, I don’t know, maybe that’d be valid for some. It’s completely invalid for me.

C: Yeah.

K: And then my favorite client – one of my favorite clients, they don’t know they’re one of my favorite clients – but if you listen to the podcast, yes, I’m talking about you. It’ll be obvious.

C: (laughs)

K: One of my favorite clients – and one of the reasons they’re one of my favorite clients – is they do phone sessions, and they like to be late in the evening. And, so, I will admit that I take off my bra and put on my jammies.

C: Mm.

K: And, like, I am so cozy comfy

C: Because they can’t see you. What?

K: Yeah. And they wouldn’t – they’re really cool people – they wouldn’t care.

C: Yeah.

K: So, most of my clients wouldn’t care, and then…

C: I think

K: I love my tightly wound clients.

C: If they would, I would find that weird. If they’re like “I am talking to you on the phone, but I need to know what”

K: I have a few clients that would be like, “I want to know that you’re sitting up at a table, at a desk”

C: Oh, okay.

K: “Taking notes. Being professional.”

C: Okay. But they’re not like “we’re talking on the phone, so what are you wearing?”

K: Nobody asks me what I’m wearing – nobody pervs on me.

C: I wasn’t saying – I wasn’t even saying perving. Just, like, the – on the one end of the spectrum, you have perving, and on the other end you have being so controlling that you need to know that the other person is dressed appropriately.

K: Yes, I do have clients on the spectrum of being so controlling that they want to

C: I feel like that’s

K: And they discuss my attire with me all the time.

C: I feel like that’s almost a circle.

K: No. I feel like that’s – people coming – because, when people come to me, the day that I met them is usually very close to one of the worst days of their life if not the worst day of their life.

C: See, this is another reason I’m glad to not be a therapist.

K: Yeah, and so I’m like, if they need me to be – I – for some people, it’s really challenging that I wear jeans to work.

C: Yeah.

K: And they want to know why I wear jeans, and I explain to them why I wear jeans.

C: Mhm.

K: And then they’re cool with it. Or they’re not, and they don’t come back to me. And that’s okay, too.

C: Yeah.

K: But back to Japan and the abusive relationship I’m in – it’s now here near as abusive as my relationship with America. I feel like America keeps beating the crap out of me, and I love it anyways, but I left it because “love it or leave it” – I don’t love it as much as I used to, so I left it. Fifteen years ago.

C: Yeah. Because it was like “hey, you know how I been beating you up?” You’re like “yeah, I’ve gotten used to that.” It was like “I’ll do that to your kid, too.”

K: Yeah. Yeah. And, so… there were just a lot of conversations that I didn’t want to ever have to have with Rasta that I’m now having to have with him as he… embarks on the journey of parenthood.

C: Yeah.

K: And there’s just certain things that you have to, as a black parent, you have to say to your black child.

C: Yeah.

K: And that’s really hard. And even though we’re in Japan, he’s been stopped twice – two or three times now – for driving while black.

C: Yeah.

K: And… how to handle that. In Japan, it’s a lot better because the cops don’t have guns – we’ve talked about this before, and it’s like

C: We talked about this just last week, yeah.

K: Yeah, so I don’t have to worry about him getting shot or anything like that. So, that’s like really… calm. So, like, if you google – if you’re interested in what black parents have to tell their children, you can go on YouTube and do… “black parents talking to their children about the police” and it will be really educational. Really painful, but really educational, and these are honest to goodness conversations that we’re taught to have with our children.

C: Yeah.

K: And… you know. Just if you’re interested. But back to wanting to divorce Japan and like – I want to divorce them hard. I want a good settlement. I want

C: Can we take all their assets? Although… they’re deeply in debt.

K: Yeah, no, they don’t have no assets. Mmn. I’m not trying to

C: Yeah.

K: No, I would like them to buy me a house in New Zealand because New Zealand seems like it’s reasonable – I don’t know.

C: Okay.

K: Just, I really love – so, I’ve fallen in love with New Zealand because of how they’ve handled the virus and everything.

C: Yeah, we’ve never been.

K: Yeah, and I want to go, and I’ve discussed in the past how some of the world’s best tattoo artists live in New Zealand. None of them have worked on me, so I’m not giving you shoutouts. And I’m sorry if you’re a New Zealand tattoo artist, and you’re like hurt that I’m not giving you a shoutout.

C: (laughs)

K: You could hit us up on Twitter and let me know that you would like to do free art on my body.

C: You could subscribe to Patreon. I think we have a level at which we would give you a shoutout.

K: Yeah. We do. And, so

C: (laughs)

K: You know, there’s a lot of ways to get a shoutout. And I know, like, all the New Zealand tattoo artists are crying right now and really hurt.

C: Right?

K: And I’m sorry, man, Covid. I can’t travel to you. It’s not my fault. But I can’t wait until both my legs are completely covered in tattoos. And, if you have a tattoo, it’s really hard – one of the hardest places to be in a tattoo journey is to have tattoos designed and then not be able to get them.

C: Mmm.

K: So, I currently have… one… two… three… four… five tattoos designed in my head. Well, I’m not the artist, so

C: Yeah, but you’ve conceptualized.

K: Yeah, they’re conceptualized. So, what I do is I trust my tattoo artist – so I research the tattoo artists and look them up and look at their work and see if they’ve done – like, I look at their line work, and just a lot of different metrics for how I judge a tattoo artist that I would be compatible and would be compatible with my skin. Because I have older skin, and… I also have, like, a lot of illnesses and things. And I’m a bleeder. So, looking at the different works, and looking at the way its come out, and… if you’ve ever gotten a tattoo, or you have tattoos, you know that how much you bleed really impacts the work. So, I want people that can work with someone who bleeds a lot. I don’t know why I bleed so much. And this is a total digression, but I think it’s super interesting. And then

C: You don’t know why you bleed so much despite your two rare blood disorders, but

K: Yeah.

C: Okay.

K: And that’s why because – if I get scratched – something about the lupus and the HCP. Like, I scar. And, so, every time I’ve ever had a tattoo, I actually, like, weep ink for two or three days.

C: Yeah.

K: The longest I’ve ever wept ink was… five days. And that means that ink – like, you really have to pack it in. And, so… someone that I would feel comfortable having that discussion with and having that journey with. Because I feel like – and then you have to beg them to tattoo you anyways. You’re just like “hey I’m going to be a problematic client, but I have a really high pain tolerance, and I’m not going to move.”

C: (laughs)

K: “But I’d like you to do a three-day tattoo on me where I’m just going to spew blood all over you.” And, so, it’s not a selling point. It’s like a really intimate relationship that you have. But I completely – the way I get my tattoo artist is that I completely trust them to do the art.

C: Yeah.

K: And I have a general idea of placement, but I completely trust them if they want to adjust the placement a little bit.

C: Well, and that’s how we work with other artists, too. That’s how we work with our podcast artist is we auditioned a lot of people and said, “okay, this is what we want” and really liked our artist’s vision. And we don’t tell him what to make each picture. He just comes up

K: Well, Toure’s the bomb.

C: Yes. Toure – SunKing Designs – not trying to be anonymous.

K: Yeah. And you can find him on Instagram at @Sunkingdesigns_official.

C: Yeah.

K: He’s not really active on Twitter, but he is active on Facebook I want to say.

C: Yeah.

K: And he does all of the artwork for the podcast. And his… our direction for him is “thank you.” (laughs) Like we don’t

C: Our direction for him is “we like what you’ve done. Keep doing that.”

K: Yeah. “Can you give us more please?” And… we’re – we’re still working on a second podcast. And he’s already started doing the art for that, and that’s probably going to come out in a couple of years. So…

C: Life. And Japan. The weather.

K: The weather makes it so hard. It’s hard to be motivated, like, on – so, today, I got up and I was like – so, last night it was a really chill… the weather was chill, and everything was good, and everything was mellow. And I thought “alright, cool, right on.” So, you don’t have the aircon on because, silly me, trusting Japan. And then, in the middle of the night, and I was just like, literally, “what in the fuck is this weather?”

C: (laughs)

K: I couldn’t breathe. I was so hot; I was so sweaty. And I have my September bedding on, so I’m not like, you know, foolish.

C: Yeah.

K: I haven’t taken off the summer bedding, but then I was like “what in the hell man?”

C: Mhm.

K: So, getting the airs back on, turning the fans on – and then, in t he morning, I’m like “it’s my day off. I’m not doing PHD stuff today. I’m not doing” and I just felt like… “man, I’m not doing nothing. I’m not doing nothing.”

C: Well, and then just to add insult to injury, the Autumnal Equinox is a public holiday.

K: Yeah.

C: They’re like “take the day off to contemplate how this is not fucking fall.”

K: Yes.

C: “How this is still the height of summer.”

K: Right? And I feel like Japan is perpetrating with this four seasons. Be honest, Japan. Be like, “October, if you’re lucky.” If we have an early fall, in October. November is delicious.

C: Yes. November

K: November is delicious.

C: I feel like November through February are really comfortable. March is still kind of droll. It doesn’t start getting uncomfortable until mid-May. It’s not as great as November.

K: So, November to me, is prime-time Japan. You’ve got the turning of the leaves.

C: Okay, yeah, that’s…

K: Which is absolutely stunning. And beautiful and – you don’t like to drive in cars, but Rasta and I have this road that we drive down to look at the turning of the eaves that we do every year. And it’s really nice.

C: Yeah, I just remember… one of the last years that I was living in Fairbanks, Alaska. It was… like, the first week of September – earlier than it is now. And it dumped two feet of snow.

K: And what?

C: It dumped tow feet of snow overnight.

K: See, I would welcome that right now.

C: Well, everybody’s power went out because

K: Japan – hey, I would take the power outage. Get into it.

C: Because all the trees still had leaves on them. Because the leaves hadn’t changed.

K: I wouldn’t take the power outage. I wouldn’t take the power outage.

C: Okay.

K: I’m bluffing. I lied.

C: I feel like that that’s not that risky a thing here. Because, in… twelve years in this apartment, we have had… five minutes without power.

K: Really? Was I asleep?

C: Mm? No

K: Was I at work?

C: No. It was the earthquake.

K: Oh. Yeah, then I was too busy saying “please stop.”

C: Yeah.

K: So, anytime there’s an earthquake in Japan, I just say over and over again “please stop. Please stop.” Just like that.

C: Yeah.

K: “Please stop. Ple” I don’t do anything.

C: I don’t do anything, either. Like… I don’t know how many times I’ve been in meetings at work or talking with somebody on Slack. I’ll be like “hold on, there’s an earthquake.” And they work in Australia, so they’re in Japan being used to it.

K: Yeah.

C: And they’re like “Are you okay? Is everything okay? Do you need to leave your” no. It’s just an earthquake.

K: No. Just an earthquake. And, like… so, I think… that, for us, because we’ve talked about before that it was like a month of earthquakes.

C: Yeah.

K: And, like, daily two, three, four earthquakes a day.

C: Yeah, I think there were more than 400 aftershocks for that quake.

K: Yeah. So, that made me, like, jaded. And, so, now I’m like – I lay in bed

C: (laughs)

K: And I’m like thinking… “okay. Are the masks” we have masks on the wall. And paint on the walls. And paint on the walls – no, we have wallpaper on the walls. We have paintings on the wall.

C: Yes.

K: I look and see like, is any of the art moving. And then… we also have – I’m obsessed with chandeliers – so every single light fixture in our house is some form of hanging light fixture. And, so, I look at the light fixture, and usually it’s only enough to sway the cords.

C: Okay.

K: Sometimes, the light fixture has started to move, and I’m like “should I put pants on?”

C: Yeah, but they’re not fancy though. So, our chandeliers are…

K: Plastic beads. The one in my dressing room is

C: Well, that’s the fanciest one is plastic beads.

K: Yeah, the one in my dressing room is stunning. Stunning plastic beads.

C: Yeah. But the other ones are a ring of cardboard and a nylon cord. So, the nylon cord holds the – the bulb, the framework for the bulbs, and there’s a ring of cardboard around it. And it’s a chandelier. I like them. You like them. That’s why we bought them. But they were like seven dollars.

K: Yeah. We need to replace them.

C: Yeah, but that’d be another seven dollars for each of them.

K: Seven dollars per room…

C: Yeah.

K: Patreon, help us out. (laughs)

C: Okay. That’s like 35 dollars for new light fixtures.

K: So, you were going to say that you don’t think all the foreigners would have my back on today – a hot ass humid day. Because my girl from the U.K., she was like “my eyelids are sweating. My ears – behind my ears are sweating. This is not okay.” And I’m like, “girl you are right. It is not okay that behind your ears are sweating.” She didn’t know that she – she did not know that her ears could sweat.

C: See, here’s the thing: I think they would agree that it’s too hot.

K: Yeah.

C: I think they would agree that it’s not right.

K: Yeah.

C: But the number of immigrants to Japan that I hear tell me every year – because I’ve known some of these people for almost ten years now – every year when the September heat hits, they say “wow, it is unseasonably warm.” And I

K: And I tell them “no, it’s not.”

C: “No. This is the season.”

K: Yeah, I tell them “mnm.”

C: It is this hot every year.

K: Yup. I’m not letting those falsehoods go.

C: Okay.

K: I’m not letting anybody do any pro-Japan weather propaganda this month. Not having it.

C: Okay. And even though the average global temperature is like a record this year… Japan’s temperatures are not record breaking this year.

K: Yeah. No. So, I think… like, if you’re in Death Valley with – I think we talked about last week that Death Valley had gotten to like 105 or something in Fahrenheit. We’re in Celsius.

C: Yeah, that’s an important distinction because 105 Celsius, like

K: Yeah. We’re in Celsius, now. I still haven’t converted. I don’t know, like, I just… it’ son my list of things to learn is the metric system.

C: It’s weird because I can do the conversion from Celsius to Fahrenheit, or the reverse, in my head.

K: Yeah.

C: But I

K: Can you do Fahrenheit to Celsius?

C: Yeah, I can do both directions in my head.

K: Okay.

C: But I usually don’t. I just know, like, what’s hot in Fahrenheit, and what’s hot in Celsius, but I don’t keep track exactly how they match up. So, if you’re like, “it’s 35 degrees out” I’m like, “that’s hot.”

K: Yeah.

C: You tell me “it’s 100 degrees out” – “that’s hot.”

K: Yeah.

C: But I have to sit down to figure out, like… “okay, no, it’s like 37 degrees is 100. But… 100 in California… feels not quite as hot as”

K: Way different than 100 in Japan.

C: Yeah.

K: The humidity is just like a thick layer just suffocating me. I just – I can’t take it. Because our house was like a good temperature. We had a good – like, I feel like mid-August we hit our stride with cooling.

C: Yeah, I agree.

K: And, like, how to keep the house cool, and fans and all of that to where we’re basically comfortable all day.

C: We’re basically comfortable, but our electric bill is not outrageous or anything

K: Yeah. And we’re not like – well, you all know in August I was like “y’all made me turn off the air conditioning. Naahhh.” (laughs) Because of our crappy microphones, which y’all know we are doing until December, so I’m not apologizing for that again. But… I feel like, in September, I just – I lose my rhythm.

C: Mhm.

K: Like, I just feel so mentally out of whack. Emotionally out of whack. Like, I’m super dramatic about the weather.

C: It’s like you trained to turn a 10k and you show up, and they’re like “by the way”

K: Yeah.

C: “Today’s a marathon.”

K: “By the way” – and then they’re like “by the way, it’s uphill.”

C: Oh, yeah.

K: “In gravel.”

C: Yeah.

K: “Uphill on a shale mountain.” So, shale is like loose

C: “And there will be people throwing milkshakes at you along the way.” Why?

K: Yes.

C: Why, people?

K: Yes. “They will be shooting flaming arrows at you.” And I just feel – and, so, all my clients know because I feel really, really lucky to have the clients I have. Because they know, on a hot day in September – I have to clear my throat – that I’m going to whine about it.

C: Yeah.

K: They’re going to be like “hi” and then, like, the ones that have been with me for a long time – that have been with me in past Septembers – will be like “are you okay? It’s a hot one today.” And I’m like “no. I’m not okay. It’s horrible. But at least I have air conditioning. How are you doing?” and I absolutely love that moment of humanity that they give me, and they’re like “it’s okay. We know that you’re whiney. And go ahead.”

C: You know what I find interesting is that your appointments in the summer run slightly longer than your appointments during the winter.

K: Because I have to whine.

C: Yeah, and you always make up that time.

K: Yes, I do. I do. If I use any time talking about myself, or my personal problems, and that includes it being too hot and under boob sweat and anything like that.

C: (laughs)

K: I always give them the time back, and they know that. I don’t rush anybody out, and in my office it’s even worse. Like, I’ve been pretty much on time now that I’m on Skype and Zoom because, you know, it’s easier.

C: Yeah.

K: But when you’re standing at the door talking to somebody, it’s like… harder to get out.

C: Mhm.

K: And I have like one of… my clients is one of the cutest human beings on earth that’s always “wait.” And they sound just like that when they say it “wait.” So, if they’re listening, yes, you know I’m talking about you, cutie pie.

C: (laughs)

K: Well, they know they’re a cutie pie. And they know that they are, and they know that I have a soft spot for them. I have a soft spot for all my clients for different reasons.

C: Yeah.

K: And even the clients that are… that have more challenging issues, I still have soft spots for them for different reasons. So, for me, I think that if you’re going to be a therapist and do compassion-focused therapy, you have to have a soft spot or a point of human connection with each of your clients.

C: Yeah.

K: Or else they can’t be your clients. And it’s really sad during the intake when I don’t connect. When I’m like “mmm. Not feeling it.” That’s tough. It’s awkward. And I blame the heat. Like, if it’s in the summer, I’m like “I’m sorry. I’m just being super persnickety right now because it’s summer, and I have to be really careful with my energy.”

C: No, I blame the heat, too. But I’m not hearing about it this year from your clients because of the pandemic.

K: Yeah.

C: Because other years, I would see your clients – not knowing they’re your clients – at social events, and they’d be like “I’m sure Kisstopher has told you all about how much the heat bothers me, too.” I’m like “no.”

K: “No. Who are you and what are you talking about?”

C: Sometimes, I know who they are, but “I had no idea that she was your client until you told me.”

K: Yeah.

C: “So, no, I don’t know what you told her.”

K: It’s even more awkward when they come up and finish a conversation they were having with me with you.

C: Yeah. Because they know us both.

K: Yeah, and so they’ll be like “so… you know the divorce is not going well.” And you’re like “divorce what? You’re getting a divorce?” Or like – “hey man so happy to see you. We’re not getting a divorce.” You’re like “what are you talking about?” They’re like “you know. Kisstopher fixed it.”

C: Yeah. Or “that promotion means I’m not going to leave for another year.” I… didn’t know you got a promotion. I didn’t know you were planning to leave, but… good for you.

K: Yeah. I love when I get follow-up emails. I got like the best follow-up email ever. Like, I got three of them last week just boom, boom, boom. Which was really awesome. Clients from years ago – like – and they were all from clients I haven’t had in years.

C: Uh-huh.

K: One was celebrating their fifteenth anniversary. Married. And they were like “our family’s doing great. Everybody in the family’s doing great. The marriage is great.” They life is perfect, and they didn’t believe it could be this good. And they just like… wrote me so much praise back. And I always write back to them, “thank you for sharing your good news”

C: Yeah.

K: It’s because of all of the good work they did because I’m just there as a guide. They have to do the work.

C: Yeah.

K: And then I got – I love baby pictures. And I love baby pictures especially of couples that hung in there, and, like, they’re having more good days than bad in their marriage.

C: Mhm.

K: And then I got two back to back baby pictures. And… one of the… one of the baby pictures was from a family that was struggling with fertility. And… it was just so awesome to, like, see baby pictures. Like, wow, you guys made it. That’s awesome.

C: Were you like “wow you guys made it that’s awesome. I’m really happy for you. It almost makes up for the heat of Japan.”

K: Yeah, and then I got one – I did get one email, like, last month, that was like… “well, we didn’t make it, but because of you, we have the tools to divorce peacefully.” And I was like, “hmm.” That’s how I felt about it. I hope the divorce goes peacefully, but it felt very “hmm.” I don’t like losing couples.

C: Yeah. I saw a show that

K: And then I read on Reddit that I’m an ADHD specialist. And I’m not. But that’s… whatever. So, I’m kind of rambly and confused today because of the heat. I know I’m supposed to be talking about Japan weather, but this podcast is Japan in September.

C: Yes.

K: Like, the way we digress and are just all over the place – this is September weather in Japan.

C: Well, and you don’t specialize in ADHD.

K: No, but I do have a lot of clients with ADHD.

C: You’ve got a lot of neurodiverse clients.

K: Yeah.

C: And they talk about it on Reddit.

K: Yeah.

C: And… you have dyslexia, which is a kind of neurodiversity, and I have autism.

K: Yeah.

C: Which is like one of the big ones.

K: I think everybody’s neurodiverse. I hate the phrase “neurotypical.” I find neurotypical to be so irritating.

C: No person is neurodiverse. They could be neurodivergent. But, yeah, I think that…

K: No, I know a lot of people own the identity neurodiverse, and that they enjoy that.

C: Mhm.

K: I do not enjoy when clients start off our relationship with saying that they’re neurotypical. And I’m like, “there is no neurotypical.” There are certain benchmarks

C: Right.

K: But even people who fall under the neurodiversity umbrella still have those same benchmarks. And, so, for me I think my sensitivity comes in – I feel super defensive when people have discussions of being able to consent because there’s an age difference between you and I.

C: Mm.

K: So, you’re… autistic, 23, college student who met me: 30-year-old professional who’s going back to college for continuing education. And then bow chika bow bow and we’re married.

C: I mean, that’s one way to frame it.

K: Yeah. How would you frame it?

C: Well, I would frame it that way because I like that framing.

K: Okay.

C: But if I were inclined to make a different point, I could frame it as… like… millionaire with a sports car going through a divorce takes advantage of a single mother.

(laughter)

K: A single mother doing sex work.

C: Yeah.

K: Yeah.

C: Former foster child.

K: Yeah. (laughs)

C: So, I think you could frame it a lot of different ways.

(laughter)

K: Yeah, we could. We are not millionaires. Do not put that out there. We are not millionaires. We need your help. Go join our Patreon because we are not

C: We’ll talk about it at some point, but at that point I was a millionaire.

K: Yes.

C: Not like a many times over millionaire.

K: Well, now we’re talking about it. You said we’ll talk about it sometime, let’s talk about it.

C: Okay.

K: So, we went completely broke – let’s be clear about that.

C: We did. We spent a million dollars on medical bills in the U.S., and that was after we gave away a lot of money because we had looked at it, and we said we only need about a million dollars to live our lives and be comfortable.

K: Yeah.

C: So, we were like “okay, let’s do some good stuff with the other stuff.”

K: Yeah.

C: We gave to public schools and all kinds of other stuff.

K:  Yeah.

C: And then you got… sick. And we spent a million dollars on hospitals.

K: And I had one of the best insurance plans you could have in the United States.

C: Yeah.

K: It was with BlueCross Blue Shield at the time, and they did really great stuff. But I was, like, in the hospital

C: They did really great stuff but reducing a 300,000-dollar hospital bill to 60,000 and then only 25,000 of that being out of network for that one week stay, it adds up.

K: Well, and I was in the hospital for two and three weeks at a time.

C: Yeah.

K: And… I was in and out of the hospital for years.

C: Yes.

K: And, so… we went completely broke, and we had just enough money to – we sold our house, and I sold my practice, and that gave us enough money to move to Japan and start over.

C: Yeah.

K: And… so… yeah. So, we’re not millionaires.

C: No. I’m just

K: Once upon a time, we were millionaires.

C: Once upon a time, yeah.

K: We’re no longer millionaires. We’re comfortable. I’m not going to lie and say that we’re not comfortable, and I think anybody who knows anybody about us will know you’re a data engineer.

C: Yeah.

K: And they know that I’m a therapist. They know two working – you know – people living comfortably and moderately. And we live moderately.

C: Very moderately.

K: Everybody knows we don’t travel.

C: Yeah.

K: We don’t do anything.

C: I think

K: They know we don’t do anything because we do the podcast and they know my PHD, and then the weather in Japan is unreasonable. Just everything is unreasonable, so we don’t do everything.

C: I think we did our bills once and the way we live – I’m just going to say it – was like 15,000 dollars a year. Is like incredibly

K: Not counting – this is our personal bills. Not counting our business bills.

C: Yeah. No, not counting those.

K: Because we own two businesses, and…

C: Oh, yeah, no, no. We have to make more than that because we have to pay – pay quite a few people and taxes and

K: We have employees.

C: Yeah.

K: And we have taxes. So, I just feel like… you’re way underestimating. So… yeah.

C: (laughs)

K: So, we don’t – because we don’t eat out.

C: No.

K: There’s important things to know about us. We don’t eat out, and I think the reason our bills are so low is because of Covid.

C: Mm. Yeah.

K: Because everybody knows that we travel. And, in September, this would be the week that we’re in a hotel.

C: This would be the week that we’re in a hotel. I think, last year, we were…

K: We were in Hakone.

C: Yeah. The first week of September. So, like 54 weeks ago, we were in Hakone.

K: And this year we’re in the depths of hell where it’s so hot, and there’s no wind.

C: Yeah.

K: There’s like… we live in a valley. There should be wind coming off of the mountains.

C: We do not live in a valley. We live near the coast.

K: So, then there should be coastal winds.

C: There should be coastal winds, but we live too far from the coast.

K: There should be a cool breeze coming off of the ocean.

C: We live a couple kilometers from the coast. We can’t see the ocean or anything.

K: And we can’t see the fireworks anymore, either, because they changed the height of the fireworks specifically so we can’t see them anymore.

C: Yeah.

K: On Marine Day.

C: Which is rude.

K: Right? Because, for years, we could see it. And I was like – it was awesome. We would just stand on our balcony hugging each other. Loving on each other.

C: Yeah.

K: Watching the fireworks.

C: And now we can just hear them.

K: Yeah, we can’t see them.

C: They’re like, “we’re having a party over here. But you can’t see.”

K: And it was really nice because you can’t – we can’t go to a fireworks show because it’ll trigger your epilepsy.

C: Yeah.

K: Which we didn’t know for years, and I’m a fireworks fanatic. And, so, for years, you would just be like jacked up after fireworks. And we didn’t know why.

C: Yeah.

K: And then, after we found out why, you would turn your back during the – during specific different fireworks.

C: Yeah.

K: Because there are some you can watch and some that you can. So, like, the sparklers – the ones that go boo frr hrrhrr

C: Yeah.

K: And I think the sound effect would be helpful. It’ll be interesting to see

C: People will know what you mean.

K: It’ll be interesting to see how Rasta transcribes that.

C: Mm. Yeah.

K: Thank you patrons for letting us pay for transcription. It really does make all the difference for Chad’s poor, poor hands.

C: It does.

K: I don’t know why I said it that way. I did not mean it snarky. It’s the weather.

C: It is the weather.

K: Like, my energy is so weird today.

C: Yeah. And the thing about it is that… when it changes over

K: I have under boob sweat.

C: Like… in the episode two weeks from now, when it’s October

K: (laughs) I know I’m going to be like all

C: It’s not

K: It’s going to be like “it’s so beautiful. I love it here.” (laughs)

C: No, you’re not. Because it’s still not going to be cool.

K: No, it’s not. Not until

C: Six weeks – six weeks from now, you’ll be like “it’s so beautiful here.”

K: “The turning of the leaves are so gorgeous.” Ohh. Y’all have to eat maple leaves. If you haven’t eaten tempura maple leaves, you have not lived. So, go to a Japanese tempura place and have the maple leaves. They are so good. So, so good.

C: Yeah.

K: I also like them in soup. They’re super good.

C: If they’re listed in the Japanese name, they’re called “shiso.”

K: Yeah. It’s so good. They’re in

C: Like “she so fine.”

K: They’re in soup. They’re tempura’d. And they’re seasonal. And it’s so awesome, so you know they’re fresh.

C: Yeah.

K: And it’s really awesome. And they taste good green or red.

C: Yes.

K: And I’ve had green, red, and yellow. And all of them taste really yummy. Now I’m just completely craving November.

C: Yeah.

K: Like, November food… because I’m like…

C: We’ll get you there.

K: Yeah? How? One day at a time?

C: One day at a time.

K: I don’t approve.

C: Yeah.

K: I do not approve this message. I don’t.

C: Like… in the U.S., people are like “when pumpkin spice starts appearing, it’s autumn.”

K: What?

C: When pumpkin spice – like pumpkin spice lattes and things are supposed to be autumn.

K: What are you talking about?

C: They do it here at Starbucks in Japan too. Starbucks Japan starts having

K: Okay, so you took something from Starbucks Japan, and you’re making it an American thing.

C: I am not making it an American thing because I have seen people already complaining about it on Twitter.

K: When we left – when we left the United States, there were no pumpkin spice lattes.

C: No.

K: Because when we left the United States, it was still hard to get a Frappuccino.

C: It was.

K: Because I was going around telling people “just put it in a freaking blender.”

C: Yes, you were. No, but I see it on Twitter. People are – people as far back as August said “pumpkin spice is here already? This is – what’s wrong. This is unholy.”

K: Really?

C: Yeah. It’s like

K: I’ve never really been a big fan of pumpkin spice.

C: It’s like when…

K: I don’t like pumpkin pie.

C: It’s like when Christmas decorations started appearing before Halloween. You’re just like “this is the wrong order. This should not be happening.”

K: Yeah. It’s not supposed to happen until the week after Halloween. At the earliest, and it shouldn’t happen until

C: After Thanksgiving.

K: Yeah. The day after Thanksgiving.

C: Right?

K: Or the week of Thanksgiving. I don’t know. Depending on how you roll.

C: Yeah that’s going to be

K: We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, and, for – everyone really think about Columbus Day and really think about Thanksgiving and think about the fact that the indigenous people who saved those lives… were later slaughtered by the very people whose lives they saved. So… when you see someone wearing a black armband during Thanksgiving, have some sensitivity because they’re probably indigenous.

C: Yeah.

K: And… so… yeah. It’s not just a big party.

C: No.

K: It – it marks like… they’re like “the pilgrims and the indigenous people sat down together.” No. Y’all went and pillaged and stole food. Okay. It was not given freely. It is stolen food.

C: The pillagegrims.

K: Y’all went and slaughtered and pillaged and stole food. Throughout the entire winter because y’all didn’t know how to farm. That’s what I’m saying. Like, seriously, if you look at the real

C: No, I know you’re right.

K: American history – indigenous people and Africans taught the… colonial overlords how to farm. Because they didn’t know how to farm anything.

C: Yeah.

K: So, like, y’all came over with no skills. What were you thinking? Like, who gets on a boat with no skills.

C: Well, the puritans were thinking “England has outlawed how religiously strict we are and how we punish our members. We need to move someplace where we can torment people for minor things.”

K: Yeah. So, it’s just awful. America’s history is awful. It’s awful and putrid. And, so, I’m happy that I’m in Japan. When I juxtapose it, I’m like Japan’s history is awful and putrid as well, but it’s not… as bad.

C: Well, I think here in Japan,

K: Because they mostly massacred the Christians. Like… back in that time period. Which we’ve talked about on a different podcast.

C: I think it was just as bad, but I think the difference… is that nobody here is telling you that this is your country, this is your history, and you should be celebrating this.

K: Yeah. That’s true. And… most of the atrocities that happened happened in World War 2. And… happened to, like, when Japan was closed.

C: Oh, yeah.

K: They would just slaughter anybody.

C: I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was thinking about, like the – way back. The 700s history that I learned in the… theater and literature classes that I took.

K: Okay, I don’t know anything about this.

C: Yeah.

K: Because I’m ignorant.

C: It was mostly, like, clan on clan warfare. So, it wasn’t… – but it was just

K: Oh, you’re talking about the Shogunate era? Or pre-shogun.

C: Pre-shogun.

K: Yeah. Pre-shogun. Yeah. And I’m not related to any of those people.

C: And that’s what I’m saying is that… nobody is telling you, like

K: I seem like just an asshole today.

C: Like, in the U.S.

K: “What’s wrong with Kisstopher?” The weather.

C: I would see people tell you “why aren’t you being thankful? It’s Thanksgiving. This is your history.”

K: Yeah.

C: And you’d say, “I’m indigenous.”

K: Yeah.

C: “Yeah, so this is a celebration of when your people came together with the pilgrims.”

K: “No, when your people slaughtered my people and stole our food.”

C: Yeah.

K: (laughs)

C: So, you don’t have that kind of… people inserting themselves in it and telling you that you should be grateful for this past atrocity here.

K: Yeah. And we don’t celebrate.

C: No.

K: And we don’t celebrate Christmas.

C: Yeah.

K: And we don’t celebrate New Year. And I just feel bad. I’m happy people stopped sending us New Year cards because we don’t do it.

C: Yeah.

K: And New Year cards are kind of going by the wayside here in Japan.

C: They are. They are.

K: It seems like.

C: I think we got two last year.

K: Yeah, so I don’t know. Is it us not reciprocating? Or is it going by the wayside?

C: No, it’s not us. It’s going by the wayside.

K: I don’t know. We’ll have to ask Rasta’s generation.

(laughter)

K: Like I’m going to go canvas 20-something – 20-something Japanese nationals and be like “yo, did your family send out New Year cards to people who are not related to you?”

C: Okay. Right?

K: And I know, like, the big New Years meal has really gone by the wayside. Which I think is too bad. Because each one of the foods had like a really beautiful, significant meaning.

C: Yeah.

K: So, I don’t know.

C: Maybe they sat down in September and, and they were like “let’s plan our New Years meal.”

K: And just too pissed off because it was hot.

C: Exactly.

K: “It is too hot for me to fire up anything.” And I know that you can buy them. You can buy oseishi.

C: Yeah.

K: Which is like… it’s like a five box – so, bento boxes are basically a lunchbox, and they come in all – they come in a variety of shapes and sizes.

C: I’m seeing the word “bento box” used by Americans, like, in U.S. literature a lot now. So, I think people might actually know what bento boxes are.

K: So, but we have a huge following in Ireland.

C: Okay. You’re right. I don’t read a lot of Irish – I do read some Irish literature, but not a lot of it.

K: So… and we also have, like – because we have people all over the world.

C: All over the world. Thank you

K: We have South Africans. Australians.

C: Thank you for checking me on my

K: Pakistan

C: Attempt oppose a cultural hegemony.

K: Yeah. Thank you. Because we also have peeps in, like, North and South America.

C: Yeah.

K: All regions of the world except Antarctica.

C: And we’ll get there.

K: That have people. And then we talked about

C: Once they pick that bandwidth problems, we’ll get them.

K: Yeah. So… a bento box is just basically a box with food in it.

C: Yeah.

K: And oseishi is basically a six stack of a bento box, but it has specific – it’s the New Years meal, and so you stay up all night on New Years eve and then you eat it as like your hangover meal. Is what one person described to me as.

C: (laughs)

K: Another person described it to me as a sacred meal that you eat after you go to the shrine.

C: Right.

K: So, like, you go to the shrine, and you make your New Years wish and get your New Years blessing, and then you eat oseishi.

C: Interesting.

K: Yeah. So… on that happy note, we hope that you are finding us interesting and engaging enough to see what we’re going to talk about in our value-added – value-added Patreon-exclusive content.

C: Yeah.

K: Known as the take two.

C: Whatever temperature it is where you’re at.

K: (laughs)

C: Whether you’re in the northern hemisphere and heading into autumn or in the southern hemisphere and heading into spring.

K: Follow us on over to the Patreon and check out our Patreon exclusive content and join us for our take two. It’s a party. (laughs)

C: Bye.

K: Bye. (laughs)