Japan has plenty of good food, but sometimes, we just really lust for American fast food. This episode is one of those times. We also talk about eating for novelty vs. eating because the food is good.

Transcript

K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about Jack in the Box and Uber Eats. (laughs) Because, yes, I am hungry. I have not eaten before this episode yet again, even though last episode I swore I was going to eat before every episode. But they happen so spontaneously when we record.

C: Okay, so Uber Eats is completely exploitative. 

K: Okay.

C: But I don’t think even they would make somebody drive from California to Japan to deliver Jack in the Box. 

K: (laughs)

C: And, if they did, it would not be hot. 

K: No, but I would take the frozen ingredients.

C: Uh-huh.

K: And deep-fry them myself. I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

C: Okay, but you’re not willing to make a sacrifice of looking up a recipe online?

K: Looking up what?

C: A recipe.

K: What do you mean by that?

C: It’s a set of written instructions on how to cook a thing.

K: But a recipe of what?

C: Of whatever it is you’re craving.

K: No, that – see, now here’s the thing. I looked up the recipe for one of my favorite dishes – chicken paillard – and every time I try to make paillard sauce, it comes out like crap. Because I don’t believe that the Worcestershire belongs in it, and it does. And it’s a dish that as soon as it starts to cool down even a little bit, it separates. The oil separates. 

C: Yeah.

K: So, it’s a really, really intricate thing to make. Which chicken paillard is not sold at Jack in the Box.

C: Okay. I was just wondering, like

K: Yeah, it’s sold at one of my favorite restaurants called Cha Cha Cha. So, I find that going to a – I feel like they leave something out in the recipes.

C: Mmm. They probably do.

K: And I – they don’t sell Lawry’s season salt here in Japan. 

C: Yeah. I think it’s

K: So, to make curly fries, I have to find someplace that sold curly fries here in Japan. In our last episode, we talked about the intricacies of getting even crinkle cut fries here in Japan. So, they don’t sell the curly cut fries, and then the Lawry’s season salt.

C: We have a knife, and they sell potatoes.

K: We don’t have a spiral cut knife.

C: You could do it. Your knife skills are good.

K: No, they’re not that good.

C: Are you sure? I think you could manage.

K: I’m positive. No. I couldn’t. I’m telling you I can’t.

C: Could you manage crinkle? Because the way my hands shake, I could do a crinkle.

K: (laughs) I mean, we could get a spiral cutter.

C: Yeah.

K: But, no. 

C: No?

K: (laughs)

C: You’d rather just pine for Jack in the Box?

K: Just definitely no. And Jack in the Box is specific to Northern California.

C: I think it’s the whole West Coast.

K: You think it’s the whole West Coast?

C: I think so.

K: I don’t remember seeing any Jack in the Boxes when we were in Oregon.

C: We looked it up, and there was like one in Texas, and there were a couple different places. They were trying to expand out of California – most of them were in California, but they were trying to expand.

K: But I think that if I were in California, that I would miss fast food tempura. 

C: I think you would, too.

K: So, I feel like the fast food here is different. 

C: Yes.

K: But equally as tasty. And equally as fattening. What do you think?

C: I think so. Portion sizes are smaller, but you could just order more of it.

K: Yeah, you can do piece by piece. Because I order my tempura piece by piece. So, I get like a tempura set, and then I order additional pieces of tempura things. Like, I love tempura eggplant, I love – you could batter and fry anything, and I love it.

C: So, I’m just thinking like – I don’t know if it is anymore, but the big box of chicken nuggets in the United States of McDonald’s was 20 pieces. 

K: Okay.

C: And, here, it’s 15 pieces. 

K: Okay.

C: Which means that I have to order four boxes to get as much as I would ordering three boxes in the United States.

K: (laughs) You do not order four boxes. And I think the large here in Japan – large fries – is about the size of a medium fries now in the United States.

C: That’s only because they overpack it. And I only know this because I was a shift manager like 25 years ago.

K: No, but they have like super large now. I think. I think they have family large McDonald’s for the fries.

C: I don’t know. I’ve been to the U.S. three times the last three years, I think.

K: Dammit, now I’m craving McDonald’s. I’m so hungry right now.

C: And I haven’t gone to McDonald’s any of those times. I didn’t do any fast food except for Subway when I was there.

K: I know that the ice cream is the same recipe because I’m a sucker for soft-serve ice cream. 

C: Yeah.

K: And, so, I absolutely love McDonald’s soft serve ice cream, but it’s so rarely eaten here that one – that there’s only one specific McDonald’s in our area, and we have three McDonald’s in our area (laughs) which I think is a trip. But the 24 hour one has the best soft-serve ice cream. Because all the other ones have ice chunks in it, which I think is really weird.

C: Well, and the 24 hour one hasn’t been 24 hours for like three or four years. 

K: Okay. It ends at, what, midnight?

C: Midnight, yea.

K: Okay. So, as you can see, again, another episode just Kisstopher does nothing for herself. That’s what all the episodes should be about – like, “lately I’ve been thinking about what a princess I am.” (laughs)

C: Well, there used to be two 24-hour McDonald’s, and now neither one of them is 24 hours.

K: And, yes, I’ll just come clean. I’m going to tell on myself. Yes, both my husband and my son have walked to all the McDonald’s in our area for me. And there was one year that my very, very loving husband – and you all can hate if you want, but I just think that you’re jelly, okay. Anybody who sends me hate for this, calling you out for being jealous that your man wouldn’t do this for you, or woman or person or non-binary person in your life. So, Chad would go to the mall, which is about a ten-minute walk, and carry two cones of ice cream home for me. 

C: And I’m clever, so I took coffee mugs, and I put the cones inside the coffee mugs because then I was carrying the mugs, not the cones.

K: Yes. And, so, they didn’t melt down in his hands, but he did that for like three months?

C: It was more than three months. So, here’s how long it was: I don’t know exactly how long many months it was.

K: Okay. 

C: But it’s long enough that the woman who worked at the register

K: Uh-huh.

C: Got pregnant, had her baby, and came back, and I was still going every day to get ice cream.

K: (laughs) Yes. So.

C: Because she told me, “I had my baby!”

K: (laughs) So, for about a year. It was bad. So, something that happens with porphyria is food cravings that… eat this or die.

C: Intense and painful.

K: Yeah. And, so, it’s a serious… twitch in my head, and then it… also brings along with it crippling pain. So, to actually get up and go get that thing for yourself causes you excruciating physical pain. And, so, yes, for all my clients that see me, yes, I am dealing with chronic pain every day that you see me. And I don’t think it impacts their therapy, although they might say otherwise, I don’t know.

C: Well, I think because it impacts you every day

K: (laughs)

C: If it impacted their therapy, would they notice? Because it’s the therapy they’ve always gotten.

K: Right. And I have clients that have been with me six or seven years, now, and still come to see me, so… at least a handful of people I k now feel like what I’m doing is good.

C: Now, just to be nosy, did they still come see you every week, or is this people who just come see you for touch-ups, or

K: I have some clients that have been seeing me every week for about six or seven years, and I have… clients that – I have one client that I think famously – because I talk about them at almost every intake – sees me about once a year. 

C: Yeah.

K: And, so, that’s why they famously – because I’m like, people ask me, “how often should I come see you?” And I say, “as often as you need or as often as you feel comfortable.” And they say, “well, how often do your clients come to see you?” And I say, “well, famously,” – and they know that I always say famously, and I say this about them, “famously, I have one client that comes to see me once a year.” And… I don’t know why once a year, but that’s just the frequency that they’ve chosen. 

C: Yeah.

K: And I crack on with it, and they’re like, “hey, I’d like to see you for my annual session”, and I’m like, “crack on, I’ll find a space for you.” And I always find a space for them.

C: Yes.

K: And, so, there are some clients that I always find space for, and then other clients that move on that when they want to come back, I advise them that it’s better for them to work with someone else or my book is full. And, I think the difference for them, is that some people close – choose to leave therapy in a hard way and pointedly say, “I don’t want to see you, Kisstopher, anymore.” And I say, “okay, I completely respect that. Thank you for the time that we’ve had together, and I wish you the best of luck.” When they’re that pointed, if they try to come see me again, and my schedule’s full, I’m not moving heaven and earth for that person because fitting my once a year client – sometimes it’s completely easy to fit them in, sometimes it’s trickier to fit them in, but I always fit them in because we have a great relationship, we know it’s an annual thing. 

C: Yeah.

K: It’s like same time next year kind of thing, so they do kind of have a standing appointment. And my weekly clients have their time guaranteed. And then I have a bunch of people that just have their preferred day, and, so… getting to know the rhythm of my book and people who are respectful of the rhythm, and – say that they enjoy working with me and do the work, then you know. I find time for them. 

C: Yeah.

K: People who breakup with me hard, I’m like, “it’s called the breakup for a reason.” You broke up with me because I wasn’t working for you. I don’t know.

C: Or because you finished working for them.

K: Yeah. No, usually the people will just randomly – like, not someone that comes in, has a session and says, “hey, I’d like this to be my last session. I’m finishing therapy right now.” Or “I’m taking a therapy break” or whatever. But, like, send me an email, “I’ve decided I don’t want to work with you.”

C: Okay, yeah, that’s different than doing a course of CBT or something where you know it’s going to be a certain number of sessions and then you’re done.

K: And then some people are just real like, “girl, you’re expensive, I can’t afford you right now. I need to take a break, take a look at my finances.” Or what have you. That doesn’t bother me. But the email “I don’t want to work with you.” To me, it’s pretty clear. They don’t want to work with me.

C: Okay, rock on.

K: Crack on. And I never harsh anybody’s mellow, I always wish them the best, but when they come back around…

C: I had one job, and I told them, “hey, I’d like a raise because you’re not making good on the promises you’ve made on stock options” and stuff. And they said, “no.” So I quit, and then they called me, and they were like, “we need you come back and do some stuff.”

K: (laughs)

C: I said, “okay, here’s my hourly consulting rate.” And they said, “that’s a lot more money than you made when we paid you.”

K: Well…

C: Well, yes, it is.

K: Mmmkay. Should’ve given me those stock options, baby. 

C: and they paid me, and I went and did consulting for them. 

K: Crack on.

C: Right? 

K: and… my lupus is back in my throat. 

C: Yeah?

K: It’s just dry. When my lupus is making my throat swell, it’s the weirded feeling because it makes the – what’s that dangly thing in the back?

C: Are you thinking of the uvula or the epiglottis? 

K: The uvula. So, the uvula is that sort of… loop thing that hangs in between your tonsils – and I very proudly have my tonsils, I don’t know why I’m so proud of that – but I am super proud of the fact I have my tonsils. So, when my lupus is in my throat, it makes my tonsils swell up and makes my uvula swell up. So, my uvula will randomly stick to my tonsils, and it is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. It’s horrible.

C: Okay, so does having your tonsils make Jack in the Box taste better?

K: Yes, it does. Good way to try and bring it back.

C: Yeah. I’m just trying to bring it back. Like the McRib.

K: So, how is your feelings about – so, I miss Taco Bell.

C: Uh-huh.

K: And I miss Burger King. So, every – like, in the United States, I feel like every six or seven months, I would get a chicken sandwich from Burger King. I would crave it, and I would ask for bacon and cheese to be put on it. Because I want a heart attack in a bun.

C: Yeah.

K: I want a deep-fried piece of chicken with imitation cheese and microwaved bacon slathered in extra mayo put in a crispy bun and delivered to my car, so I don’t even have to walk to get it.

C: Yeah.

K: and then I like to eat it.

C: Okay, so, if you’re a new listener, you should know that I’m really thin.

K: (laughs) 

C: If you’re a regular listener, you know that’s a lie. 

K: (laughs) I know that it’s not PC to say I’m fat, but I’m fat.

C: Yeah, me too.

K: I’m pretty hot and tempting, but now I’m like literally fat. I’m built for luxury, not for speed baby. I’m a luxury ride. I’m a Lexus. 

(laughter)

K: I think at this point, I’m an SUV. (laughs)

C: But I do miss various fast foods at different times. So, I never mis Arby’s because I never liked Arby’s.

K: Eww, gross.

C: Right?

K: Wait, no, Arby’s root beer float… so

C: No.

K: So, you really don’t – wait, no, that’s A&W.

C: That’s A&W. Yeah.

K: Mhm. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten at an Arby’s.

C: Yeah, you’re not missing out. In my opinion.

K: Okay. Isn’t Arby’s barbeque beef places like that?

C: Yeah, and it’s one of the most popular fast food joints in the U.S., so… 

K: Really?

C: Yeah. As much hate as it gets, it’s actually one of the most profitable franchises to have. They’re very popular.

K: Yo know what, I’ve never eaten a Chik-Fil-A. 

C: Me neither.

K: I don’t know what Chik-Fil-A is. I assume they serve chicken. They serve homophobic chicken, so I’ll never eat Chik-Fil-A because of their homophobia, but when did that happen?

C: Yeah, they serve chicken, but it’s guaranteed to be from hens. 

K: What? What does that even men?

C: Well, ordinary chicken, it might be from hens or it might be from roosters. Chik-Fil-A it’s guaranteed to be from hens.

K: Wow, so they just hate women?

C: No, they’re just scared of the cock.

K: (laughs) You’re making a joke, so it’s not guaranteed to be from hens.

C: Correct.

K: You’re lying to me. I’m so gullible. You did your, like, honest Abe face. This is honest Chad. This is not a turkey thing or anything. I’m not tricking you.

C: Yup.

K: Oh my god. We have a turkey permit thing. Go back and listen to our old episodes, not going to tell the story again. So,

C: So, there are times that I miss

K: (laughs) That was ruthless. 

C: (laughs) Wasn’t it?

K: Now I feel like I have to tell the story again.

C: You should not. Let them pay the two dollars to get the archives.

K: (laughs) That is so uncouth. That is so uncool. Okay, when we first met, Chad convinced me

C: Nope, nope nope. I have to

K: Yes. 

C: I have some barstools to sell you if you’re going to do that.

(laughter)

K: Chad convinced me that you need a turkey permit to shoot turkeys in Alaska. And that was how 15:54 they could have turkeys if they won the lotter to go shoot wild turkeys.

C: At Thanksgiving.

K: For thanksgiving, yeah. So, anywho, there’s a whole bunch of other fun stories like that in our old episodes. 

C: It’s related to an actual program for wildlife management for larger animals for different things, but

K: Yeah, so I totally believed that. Like, that was their gimmick was that they only sold chicken from hens. (laughs) That is so… so, how I learned about Chik-Fil-A, ironically, is from… Willem when Willem, Detox, and Vicky Vox were in a… girl band. So, is – this might be confusing for listeners if they don’t know who Willem, Detox, and Vicky Vox are. They’re drag queens. But they performed as – in drag – and, so I consider them to be a girl group. And they had a tragic breakup, and I’m sorry guys, I don’t remember which order the letters were in. And I don’t want to mess it up, but they have… a parody for Chik-Fil-A, and it’s a song. 

C: Mm.

K: And the song was – it was a parody of Hold on for One More Day. 

C: Mm.

K: And it was Hold on for Chik-Fil-A. 

C: Okay. 

K: And then I found out that they did that in part as a protest against Chik-Fil-A’s homophobia. Willem correct me if I’m wrong, as if you even know I exist, but in case (laughs) this ever finds its way back to you girl, go ahead and correct me. (laughs)

C: Yes.

K: Or Detox or Vickey. 

C: So, but

K: I think it’s a crime that Vickey Vox hasn’t been on Ru Paul’s drag race yet. 

C: I sometimes miss Carl’s Jr, Wendy’s, Jack in the Box… not McDonald’s because we have McDonald’s here.

K: Yeah.

C: What are some – P.F. Chang’s. 

K: I really miss P.F. Chang’s. So, Uber Eats now is doing – so, here’s some of the cool fast food that we can get in Japan. So, never ate curry until I came to Japan. And… absolutely love Japanese take on curry. And there’s coco de ichi, which is a fast food curry place. So, it’s curry and rice, so they make a brown curry sauce and rice. And Uber Ea – they used to deliver to us, they stopped, and Uber Eats will deliver.

C: Yeah, they stopped one block away. Because they still have the delivery service, they just decided that our block is one block too far for them.

K: Yeah, and they did the same thing for a bunch of other people. 

C: Yeah.

K: so, it’s weird. Like, all of our friends are having to use Uber Eats.

C: And if you’re in California, Southern California specifically, there are five coco de ichi stores. 

K: Really?

C: Yeah. In Southern California.

K: Crack on Coco.

K: So, if you’re close, it’s worth going to check it out to see if you like it.

K: Yeah. It’s really good. Really good. Don’t blame us for the wight gain, though, because it is fattening as hell.

C: (laughs)

K: It really is. But it is so good, though. And they sell their packets of their curry sauce, and so

C: Yeah, the curry roux you can get

K: Yeah, and so, I usually prefer to just have Rasta drive over and get us a bunch of the curry packs and then make the rice at home and make it at home.

C: Yeah.

K: Because we don’t use Uber Eats, but as far as I know, Uber Eats just does McDonald’s and Coco De Ichi?

C: I’m not sure.

K: Because pizza delivers to us. 

C: Because a couple of years ago, Uber Eats came to Japan because Uber is not in Japan except as an app to summon an actual taxi. 

K: Yeah.

C: To a limited extent. Like, Japan has just kept Uber out just by very strict laws. Uber doesn’t make nay money in Japan. Well, they lose billions of dollars everywhere else, too, so I don’t know.

K: Yes.

C: But they don’t even have any drivers in Japan.

K: But now they’re doing Uber Eats.

C: Now they’re doing Uber Eats, which they started with just McDonald’s.

K: yeah.

C: So, I was working at the company in Tokyo

K: Do they do McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried Chik – because Kentucky Fried Chicken is her, too. And we’ve talked about – I don’t know if we’ve ever said – I think we have talked about the Kentucky Fried Chicken being the thing to eat, like you have to order it weeks in advance and stuff to get Christmas dinner.

C: We have talked about that. It was one of our images for our podcasting.

K: Yeah, it was. Thanks, Toure. Shoutout. 

C: Yeah, Toure

K: Wait, no. SunKing Designs. 

C: Yeah. Toure Grantham at SunKing Designs does out art.

K: Yeah. Awesome artist. Like, if you need graphic art, so professional. Does our weekly images that we use on our website and that we use on Instagram. Completely professional. Reasonably priced, like really great job.

C: Yeah. Check our Instagram for contact details if you want to contact him. 

K: Yeah.

C: But, so… I was in Tokyo the day that Uber Eats started operation here in Japan.

K: Oooh. Momentous day. You remember where you were when Uber Eats started. (laughs)

C: I do remember because everybody in the office – there’s like fifteen of us in the office 

K: Oh my gosh. It seriously was a momentous day (laughs)

C: “Let’s order Uber Eats.” And I said, “what do they deliver?” Because we had been getting curry delivery and things at the office. 

K: Yeah.

C: So, only McDonald’s. Okay, “but there’s a McDonald’s down the street, I could just go get it.” “But it’s Uber Eats.” And I – I “no thank you.” “Are you sure? It’s only five hundred yen more” like five dollars more “to get a sandwich delivered.” 

K: Yeah.

C: I’m like, “why would I want to pay ten dollars for a sandwich?”

K: Yeah, why would I do Uber Eats when I have Rasta Delivers? (laughs)

C: Yeah. And when he’s not available, McDonalds is

K: Chad Walks. (laughs)

C: Yeah. I can walk to McDonald’s, order, wait for them in line and be back within twenty minutes.

K: Yeah. Before Uber Eats ever got here.

C: With my cane.

K: Yes. (laughs) Oh my gosh. Make me just sound like more of a horrible person. I could not – I need walking sticks, so both my hands. I would have to put it in my backpack like a pack mule. 

C: Yes. And that’s no good. 

K: And when we travel, I carry the suitcase.

C: You do.

K: I don’t use my walking sticks, and I carry the suitcase.

C: It is a wheeled suitcase, but it is still a thing.

K: I roll the suitcase, and it’s a heavy ass suitcase.

C: You roll the suitcase, and when we get to the train, you stand aside so that I can lift it onto the train and hoist it above the seats.

K: Yes. But I tell you: use the handle, not the rolling thing, use the handle.

C: You do.

K: And sometimes I heft it onto the train.

C: Yes, sometimes.

K: I heft it downstairs at the subway train. Up and down stairs even if there is or is not an escalator.

C: Yeah. I can’t do that.

K: Yeah. So, don’t front. Don’t front. I’m on suitcase patrol.

C: Oh, I’m backing you. I’m not fronting you. 

K: (laughs) So, most of the time, we don’t eat out. 

C: Yeah.

K: Most of the time…

C: Yeah, we almost never eat out. 

K: I can’t remember the last time we ate out. Except for when we travel. When we travel of course, duh, we’re eating out.

C: Yeah.

K: So, I want to say… I don’t know, I feel like we eat out, mmmm…. Once every couple of months?

C: Yeah, probably three or four times a year.

K: Yeah. And then that’s usually pizza.

C: That’s usually Outback.

K: So, if you’re talking about going out to a restaurant, that’s either tempura or Outback. If you’re saying what we do as an entire family, it’s Outback two or three times a year.

C: Yeah.

K: So, maybe we eat out about once or twice a month. 

C: Yeah.

K: Maybe it’s a lot more frequent than I think. 

C: I think so, yeah.

K: Because

C: Getting fast food in.

K: Yeah.

C: It’s a couple of times a month.

K: Yeah. So, me, I have this bad habit of telling you, “babe, don’t order pizza, I’m going to eat pizza tonight.” I love telling you that in the morning before I go to work. “Babe, tonight I’m going to want pizza.” And then I come home, and I’m like, “I don’t want pizza.” And it gets bad because the longest I’ve ever done that, I think, was a month. 

C: Yeah.

K: And you were like, “babe, I’ve been eating pizza. Don’t worry about it.” Because I was like, “babe, I don’t really want pizza, but I’ve been telling you for a month, I’m so sorry. Go ahead and order yourself a pizza.” And you were like, done it and done “I already did it babe.” 

C: Okay. 

K: “I’m not waiting for you.”

C: Okay. My disordered eating is not the topic of this podcast, though.

(laughter)

K: So, I cook a lot, but I cook a lot less from scratch. When Rasta was home, I made everything from scratch.

C: Yeah.

K: Except for pasta, we bought premade pasta, but my sauces and everything from scratch. I cooked a lot for – when Rasta was home, I cooked three meals.

C: Yeah.

K: I cooked a meal for him, a meal for me, and a meal for you because none of us likes our noodles the same texture, none of us likes the sauce with the same levels of seasoning, and so… there’s nothing that all three of us like cooked exactly the same with the exception of spaghetti, casseroles, and my chicken nuggets.

C: Yeah.

K: And then everybody thinks I cook my chicken nuggets to perfection.

C: Yeah. I think they’re tasty.

K: Yeah, but even French toast. Even making French toast, that’s not too much of a hassle because Rasta likes his French toast crispy. You like your French toast crispy on the edges but still kind of soft on the inside. You don’t like it cooked all the way through.

C: Yeah.

K: And I like all of my stuff burnt. 

C: Yes.

K: What everybody

C: Just as a general statement. 

K: Yeah.

C: If there’s something, you like it burnt.

K: Yeah, I like everything well-done. I want to make sure every germ is killed, every bacteria – whatever can grow in that, it is dead by the time I’m done cooking.

C: Yeah.

K: Even if I just cut up some chicken and cook it in some butter, we have – we have to turn on the fan because the pan’s going to be smoking. So, I have my pan that I cook my stuff in, and it’s just… the burnt pan. (laughs) That’s what I think of it as: the burnt pan.

C: Yes. So, we have a three-burner stove, which is an upgrade from if you live in a place with a two-burner stove, but not as much as a four-burner stove.

K: Yeah. We had a four-burner stove with a grill.

C: Yeah. In the U.S.

K: Yeah. We had a professional chef’s kitchen in the U.S.

C: Yes.

K: Which I miss dearly. I miss the grill. I bought an electric grill which I never used here. Because we don’t have the counter space to set it up, so I’d have to like clear everything off the counter to set up the grill and

C: Or cook on the floor or whatever.

K: Yeah. And the counterspace that can hold the grill has cabinetry above it, and I just – so, the top of the cabinetry would be all smoke covered.

C: We bought it because we told ourselves we’re going to sit outside on a cool summer evening and

K: Barbeque, yeah.

C: Grill up some vegetables. And then we were like, “wait a minute, there”

K: It’s never cool.

C: Yeah. There’s never a cool summer evening.

K: No. And, in the winter, it’s just way too cold at night. And in spring there’s just way too many insects. So, it’s never convenient. And we don’t have any patio furniture.

C: Never is. So, the three burners, though, one of them is really tiny. Like, it fits a coffee pot and that’s about it.

K: (laughs) Yeah. It’s the tea-pot burner, yeah.

C: But one of the other burners has something that I’ve never seen outside of Japan. 

K: Okay.

C: Which is the auto-shut-off. 

K: Oh, yeah.

C: So, it has a sensor in the middle of it that if you leave a pan on the stove and all the water boils away or whatever, it senses that the pan is getting too hot, and it turns itself off.

K: Every single one of our burners has that to me annoyance. Because if the pan gets too hot, it shuts off.

C: Yeah.

K: So, I know that my burn is halfway done when I hear “boooop” and it shuts off. And I think, “okay, almost done.”

(laughter)

C: Going to go over there and turn that back on. 

K: Yup. Time for me to turn it back on and flip my food. That is about when my food is about halfway done.

C: But it’s more popular here to have the infrared heating. The IH

K: Oh, the IH is a total pain.

C: Inductive heating, rather. 

K: The IH is a total pain because then you have to buy the IH pans.

C: Yeah.

K: So, when we lived in a place with an IH, I had a campfire sto – campfire gas stove that I’d put on top of the IH and then use it to cook. So, we had a one-burner that we could cook with.

C: Yeah.

K: We still have it, and I love it. I absolutely love it. Actually, a friend gave it to me – lent it to me – and then when I offered it back, they were like, “ah, you can keep it.” And I didn’t press. I was like, “okay.” I don’t know if they thought I was going to be like, “no, no, here, take it back.” But I was like, “score.”

C: They sell them at the grocery store. They’re like fifteen dollars or something.

K: And then – it’s been very helpful. 

C: Yeah.

K: I really like it, and it takes cassette gas and everything. I feel earthquake prepared. We can cook if our electricity went out.

C: Yes, we could.

K: But, yeah, so there’s that.

C: So, if the electricity went out, we’d just go to McDonald’s and be like, “what’s on order?”

K: Yeah. 

C: Except they’d be shut because they’d be out of electricity. 

K: Yeah, so we have canned food and stuff. I think we could survive, with the food we have currently in our pantry, I think we could probably survive a week.

C: Yeah.

K: I couldn’t whip up a thanksgiving dinner, but we could survive a week. Like, in the U.S., I whipped up a thanksgiving dinner with what we had. So, we have like meat frozen and frozen vegetables and stuff, so we could survive a week.

C: Yeah. Our refrigerator’s a typical Japanese size, which is about

K: I don’t know what we would do for water, though. 

C: Which is about three quarters of an American size.

K: I think we’d go to the office and get all the water I have there.

C: Yeah. You have a lot of water for your clients.

K: Yeah.

C: Or we could go down to the river that we live by.

K: What are you even saying? “We could go down to the river.”

C: I’m saying we live near a river.

K: Okay, so you’re saying we would go down to the river, and wha – what would we do with this river water?

C: We would fill things with it.

K: We could do what?

C: We would fill things with it.

K: Fill things with it.

C: Yeah.

K: Like what?

C: So, we don’t have all that much storage, but we do have a three-gallon jug and five-gallon jug.

K: Oh my god.

C: And Kisstopher can carry four gallons exactly. 

K: Oh my god. It’s an IQ test question.

C: (laughs)

K: That I always ask him, “what’s the solution to it?” Or I randomly will walk up and tell him, “okay, wait a minute. You fill up the fou- you fill up the three gallon, and then there’s two gallons left and then you dump it out, then you put the three gallons in, and then you fill up the five gallon, dump the one gallon in the thing, then you’ve got four gallons.”

C: Yup, there you go.

K: So, I know it. 

C: Yeah.

(laughter)

K: And you can just rewind it if you didn’t catch it. It’s on the IQ test.

C: Yeah. 

K: It’s on logic IQ tests.

C: Yeah. 

K: It’s considered math, logic, reasoning.

C: But, oddly enough, fast food is not. How to choose fast food is never on an IQ test. 

K: Yup.

C: Why not?

K: And Japan has fast food sushi, which I do not trust. 

C: Fast food sushi is really expensive. For all of you who are like, “yeah, sushi.” So, sushi in Japan comes in two varieties: there’s cheap but not very good, and there’s good but very expensive.

K: I think sushi boat is hella good.

C: Sushi boat’s alright for some of the sushi. So, you can’t get a full variety of sushi at the sushi boat places. 

K: No, you can’t.

C: You can get a limited variety.

K: Yeah, and then what sushi boat is – it’s a conveyor belt sushi. And, so, they put the sushi on plates, and the conveyor belt just rides around, and you just grab whatever you like off the conveyor belt.

C: Yeah.

K: Sorry if you hear rustling.

C: I think that’s actually more popular in the U.S. than in Japan. The sushi boat concept.

K: Really?

C: Yeah.

K: I’ve never seen sushi boat in the United States.

C: In the United States, they’re in little boats that float by. 

K: Where? Name one place that ha- because we had three sushi restaurants in our neighborhood that’s actually conveyor belt.

C: None of them – none of them were conveyor belt because we went to the ones that had the good sushi. Because, in the U.S., the sushi boat places – the sushi you don’t know how long it’s been there. It could be there for like hours.

K: (laughs)

C: And the health department’s always writing up these places for their food being expired and stuff.

K: Yeah, but the sushi boat in Japan, they get stickers

C: It’s fresh.

K: So that they know when they go out and stuff. And they’re marked and everything, so you know that the sushi hasn’t been there.

C: Well, you can order too. You just call out to the chef what you want, and they put it on the conveyor belt for you.

K: Yeah. 

C: And then, when you go to pay, they just count how many plates you have.

K: Yeah.

C: So, the plates are different colors for different prices, and they just count how many.

K: I did not like squid sushi. That was hard. I went out with friends, and there was squid sushi, and I ate it like a champ. But that was the most rubberiest, most difficult thing I have ever eaten in my life, and I got it down. I was sober, so I feel like a super champ getting it down sober.

C: Yeah. I’m not a big fan of the squid sashimi – the raw squid. I like cooked squid, and we both like calamari.

K: Yeah.

C: But I’m not a big fan of raw because it is really tough, as you say.

K: Yeah, and so is the octopus.

C: Yeah.

K: So, I like octopus tempura though. I think that’s really good. 

C: Mmm.

K: But I like everything tempura.

C: Yeah. You like leaves tempura.

K: I do. I do. Tempura leaves are awesome. They are so good.

C: When we first came to Japan, they said, “this is shiso leaf.” We were like, “okay, cool, shiso leaf. That’s something unique.” And then I found out later that “shiso” is Japanese maple, so they were maple leaves.

K: Yeah. And they were really, really good. So, I used to think that IW as allergic to maple trees, and I’m not. So, not allergic to anything maple.

C: Score.

K: Yeah. So, I find that my allergy to the sun has changed. I find that all of my allergens that I was allergic to when I was in the United States have changed since being in Japan. I feel like my entire body is new and different. 

C: They say you replace your skin every seven years. Is it your skin, your cells? It’s something.

K: (laughs) Who knows?

C: We’ve been here almost twice that, so.

K: Who knows? We are completely different people. I know you are not physically very much like the person I married. 

C: No.

K: And that’s because I have a picture of you the year – well, we have (laughs) pictures from our wedding. I was going to say, “I have pictures of you.” We haven’t looked at our wedding album in years.

C: No, but we know where it is.

K: Do we?

C: Yeah.

K: It’s right behind you.

C: It’s right behind me, yeah.

K: Okay. So, after this episode, we should absolutely look at our wedding photos.

C: Yes, we should.

K: Yeah. And we also have to go through pictures because I am preparing to meet our son’s girlfriend, and I’m trying to decide whether or not she gets pictures. 

C: Mmm.

K: Like, whether or not I’m going to bring a little photo album.

C: Mmm.

K: And be like, pressure her, “would you like these photos – these baby photos of Rasta? I prepared a present for you. I hope you like it.”

C: “You have two choices: you can say yes, or you can show that you don’t actually love my son.” 

(laughter)

K: So, is that a creepy gift?

C: It’s not creepy. It’s just a bit…

K: Presumptuous?

C: Yeah.

K: They’ve been together a year.

C: Yes. Yes. It’s about time that she sees what a monstrous little baby he was.

K: (laughs) What a gorgeous little hassenpfeffers he was.

C: That’s what I said.

K: Yes. (laughs) Because that’s a running joke when he was a baby, I’d be like, “where’s my hassenpfeffers.” And then I’d make a snuffling noise and chew him on his stomach and his face and his neck. “I want my hassenpfeffers.” To this day, he giggles when I tell him, “where’s my hassenpfeffers?” And he’ll scrunch up his neck. 

C: Yeah.

K: It’s a reflex. He’s coming over later, I’m going to say it and see if he scrunches up his neck.

C: So, hassenpfeffers is not actually available at any of the fast food places here.

K: (laughs) But it is a famous bit on Bugs Bunny.

C: Yeah.

K: And, interestingly enough, Rasta did not like Bugs Bunny. So, Rasta doesn’t go to fast food, he likes to go to little, quaint diners. Like, all around the neighborhood, and he doesn’t take me because every time I go, I have a meltdown with how disgusting they are.

C: Mhm.

K: The service is bad, the food is bad, the atmosphere is bad, and I get really pissed, like “why am I wasting my time eating this when I could be at home eating something delicious?” So, I’m not a good quaint restaurant place. So, that’s something you and him do that you guys bond over. Is that he’ll go find some niche like kitsch place that serves what he thinks is good food, and then you’ll go and be like, “yeah, this is really good food.” And you guys are like, “mom will hate this.”

C: Because those are usually family owned. Even if they’re franchised, they’re usually family owned.

K: And they put onions in stuff, and I used to like onion powder and everything, but now I’m just really allergic to onion. I have a really bad reaction in my stomach from my throat – from my mouth all the way to the other end. Like, the entire way it travels, and it will hit my bladder, too. 

C: Yeah. Kisstopher will eat onions, and then she’ll ask me, “is your stomach making noise?”

(laughter)

C: No, that’s yours.

K: Yeah, so that and lettuce. Although, cabbage isn’t too bad. I do okay with cabbage. So, I find that my porphyria really dictates what I eat and what I crave and all of that. That’s fun. Not at all, she says.

(laughter)

K: So, yeah, we hope you enjoyed this ramble. It was a lot about Jack in the Box, so I am thinking about Jack in the Box, and I’m craving Jack in the Box so bad. I’m thinking it wouldn’t be so bad to go to California. And I’m like, “what, to go to California and go on a food tour?” And I don’t even know if those places even exist – I don’t believe that my California exists anymore, and if it does, it’s hella run down because it was (laughs) fifteen years ago, and these places were there. And I just don’t think they stayed nice. So, I think I’m going to google my old haunts in California.

C: Yeah, you should.

K: After this episode. And look through our wedding album. 

C: You should google the old haunts in the wedding album and be like, “that blackened stump is where we got married.”

K: (laughs) No, we know where we got married is still there.

C: Yeah because it’s a beach.

K: Yeah. (laughs) Unless they changed the coastline.

C: Okay. Coastal erosion is real.

K: Yeah. So, hey, if you’ve got ten bucks, why don’t you pop on over to our Patreon and check out our take two? I’m just shameless. 

(laughter)

K: Oh my gosh, that was the most shameless

C: That was shameless. 

(laughter)

C: So, if the podcast here is the full meal, the take two is the doggy bag with the dessert. 

K: (laughs) It’s not a doggy bag. It’s a scrumptious dessert. It’s tiramisu, be like tiramisu. (laughs) Okay.

C: It’s crème brûlée. 

K: Yeah. (laughs) On that happy note, bye.

C: Bye-bye.